To say F*** OFF to my ingrate teenagers

Don't shout at them, laugh when they do the eye roll, laugh, when they are going to say something is your fault, say it first in a stupid voice " I know it's my fault ha ha " walk away don't leave it get to you because the more you get upset the more they will do it. Put a menu of the next few days meals up that's what is cooked do they want it or not, if not tough don't cook enough for them , say you are not wasting time and food for them to not eat it they are old enough to make beans on toast. Definitely start consequences, like turning off the Wi-Fi and isolate the electric in their room if you know how. ( pop the button on the fuses , upstairs should be on a different circuit to down stairs) if you are going out take the Wi-Fi box with you as they probably will know how to switch it back on. you have got to be as bad as them but in sneaky way.😉

That’s fine but what if they make a terrible mess when cooking and don’t clean it up?Same with cooking etc. OP will not be able leave it and ends up cleaning it all up!
perhaps it’s now too late to put into practice all the things they should have been doing from an early age!

Wow!
well that is good to remember for later.
😅

You need to blow up nuclear style! F and blind and scream at the little fuckers 💪🏻😀 then go out, and my favourite trick when my teens are twats is I take the router on a day trip with me too. I’ve also come very very close to taking a hammer to their phones and launching the PS off the balcony. It may well happen one day but so far it brings them back to earth with me just going nuclear on them. Try it, it’s liberating. Sending much love, and a virtual glass of wine xx

School holidays is a perfect time for them to do some lifting.

they each need to plan and cook one meal a week?

do you share their bathroom? If not just stop cleaning it.

Send them to their dad's. Insist they leave. It's his turn and time. He can deal with it.

This.
And get them to wash their own clothes.
Each gets one day per week to do their own washing and 2 days to make the dinner.
They do the grocery shopping.
Tidy and clean their room once a week.
Write the list, have a schedule and stick to it.
No allowance or lifts or wifi codes any given day unless they've done what they're supposed to.

Thank God for MN, it gives a great opportunity to vent, rant, say the unsayable! I bet you feel better just by getting that all off your chest OP!

I don't have much advice though, except (1) this too shall pass and (2) you do you!

They are old enough not to need any services from their parents, and as they are so rude and ungrateful in response they should receive none.

For the summer holidays I would certainly leave them to their own devices - including doing their own washing from now on. I would stop cooking for them, they have money so they can go get their own food. Have pasta, bread, cheese, milk, salad and fruit in the house, and leave them to get on with it. Washing up that they leave out when they have 'fended for themselves' in the kitchen gets put on their beds.

I haven’t read all the responses on here so I’m sure I’m not the first one to say this, but:

No pocket money for them unless they do chores around the house. A list for each of them. This should include preparing dinner for the family, from scratch, once a week each.

I would consider removing TV/XBox/phone privileges unless they get a proper paying summer job working at least 20 hours per week.

Make it very clear that they have brought this upon themselves with their dreadful behaviour.

Get a massage, a manicure, have some days out just for you. Go and enjoy your summer and let reality smack them in the face. Could you manage a weekend away with some girlfriends?

Yes. Do exactly that. When they ask for something, respond in the same way they would - even if that involves telling them to fuck off.

Stop cooking for them - they can prepare their own meals.

Same for their washing and anything else.

Stuff left lying around, including plates, food, cups etc - put it on their bed/games console etc

Just stop doing stuff for them.

Oh - and stop the allowance and ask their dad to do so too. If they need money, they can ask and you can decide yes/no and how much.

I wouldn't engage / interact with any negative behaviour - just ignore them.

I wouldn't even tell them. Just put it all into action.

When they ask wtf is going on, inform them that selfish childish disrespectful behaviour will result in being treated like a child

I feel your pain. My 7 olds are better and more considerate than that but I do dread the teenage years ahead! They need to know what it's like when you go on strike and refuse allowance.

They sound like typical teenagers - I have one that's thankfully realised at 19 that not everything revolves round her and that it's better to live in a happy ship than making waves that only get bigger.

Yes they compare everything they have to what their friends have and let you know where you're lacking without a second thought. Yes to food changes also - what they've been happy to eat for god knows how long is now boring or not good enough. Yes hair etc left in the plug hole, crap left in the bathroom & nothing put away. Everything ends in an argument. I couldn't have got through it alone with one teenager - we used to go to the supermarket without her & sit in the car park working out strategies & getting it out of our system together.

Go on youtube or tiktok & watch videos about teenagers - obviously rehearsed & performed (not real) and you might feel better that other teens are the same. They're testing every boundary you've had in place to teach them life skills, routines, manners etc as they've grown up - now they want to make their own rules that go against everything you've put in place.

It's hard but normal. At least dad seems to be on the same side but he only sees a snapshot.

Pin this to the fridge to let them know how you feel. Send them to their father’s for 2 weeks and book yourself a holiday, preferably abroad. Let them know that you won’t be talking them anywhere or buying them anything other than essentials until they show respect. Stop cooking for them and no more allowance. Tell them to start saving for university as you won’t be paying and, if they aren’t going to uni, tell them they need to move out at 18. (They won’t know that you mean this but be strong!) Be an absolute b*tch until they start showing respect.

I feel you, OP. Mine are 18 and 19, filthy little harridans and are mortified if I ask them to put their laundry away.

There’s a few glimmers of hope, however. The eldest has actually cleaned her room today without me asking and has even sorted 2 lots of laundry, washed and dried.

Isnt it nature’s way of us being glad when they move out?

Good question
kids don't just start behaving this way . It should have been stopped when they were much younger .
I feel really sorry for OP .

Unplugg the WIFi and take it with you when you go out for lunch.

You poor thing. Make the pocket money related to chores. Why should they get anything when they do nothing?

Teenagers can be hard work. I've just about come out the other side now but, god, it was worse than having a new baby at some points!
Take a few days to breathe and enjoy yourself. The kids probably need time to unwind from school and you need to regroup. Go out with your friends and leave them to it but tell them, you'll all be having a chat next week.

Then use carrot and stick. No allowance unless x,y,z is done weekly and stick to it. No Wifi unless x,y,z. Tell them your expectations..if it helps write it out.
Be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better.

Use the holidays to show them who is the boss. They are old enough to make their own meals so don’t buy in any junk or treats that they could snack and fill up on during the day. Make a healthy tea and if they don’t like it, fridge it for the next day. If they are hungry they will make it themselves from what is available to them. I would cut their allowance by more than half because they don’t deserve it and are taking the piss, bonuses for helping and doing chores, deductions for verbal diarrhoea. Get a roll of bin bags. Ask no more than three times to move their things, take their shoes off etc. Bag everything up they can’t be arsed removing on request or leave lying about. Don’t let them have anything back for a week or two unless they earn it. Wi-Fi, give them a wifi window of 2hrs daily. Teach them to put a wash load on. If they don’t listen, tough shit because the only way they will have clean clothes is for them to wash them, not you. If they want money for outings and things don’t give them anything, they should pay for it out their heavily reduced allowance. They need to budget and plan accordingly, not treat you like crap and treat you like a bank. It’s going to be rough but stick with it. Make them as miserable as they make you and see how they like it. They ruddy won’t!

I used to have similar issues with son at 14 around not bringing laundry down.

I gave him one week to sort it out or I wouldn't be doing his laundry again.

He failed to sort it out. I haven't done his laundry since. Yes, he spent a week going into school a bit stinky and he looked a mess but I held fast and he did all his own laundry after that. He's 26 and moved out 4 years ago. He's never once brought his laundry home to me either (which I hear can happen a lot!) and hes very self sufficient.

The side effect of that was that my daughter wanted to do her own laundry to be independent and grown up like her brother. Brilliant! 😅

The issue is that you're sort of half introducing the threat of doing something that you then don't do. Your children know this and their resolve is stronger than yours.

Enjoy your coastal walks, you deserve it.

My teens wouldn’t be getting rewarded with anything if they acted like that, and spoke to me like that. Best thing you can do is go and live your life, bet they soon start to notice hang on mum isn’t here to cook the food they hate, where is she?! Stay out late and don’t update them!

Cut the WiFi, give a list of chores to earn some money. Stop paying their phone bills, or give them a dumb phone for emergencies...all until they realise what you're actually doing for them. I dread the day mine turn teenagers, 6 year old us already acting like one!

I feel like these simple life skills are better taught at a younger age when they are more receptive. At this age there's too much going on a 15yo life to care to learn/connect. Unless it's taught from someone outside the home.

Sounds like there need to be repercussions for bad behaviour. They don't do basic chores you requested, no allowance. And I would NEVER give additional money if they blew their allowance. Clearly you are giving them too much if they are happy to just order pizza to avoid dinner. If they don't like dinner they can make themselves a sandwich. Take some control back, you are responsible for creating spoilt brats if there are never any consequences.