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Original poster

How to deal with grandparents not respecting our wishes

62 replies

Chilledsummer · 23/07/2024 16:26

One of our dc has a health condition which means that certain foods should be avoided. It's not a life or death situation like a nut allergy but still something serious and something that we are still learning about under direction of healthcare professionals.

I don't really want you to go into it because it would be quite identifying, but what I can say is that it's not just us being precious, and it's not difficult to avoid these foods or find alternatives.

Grandparents are fully aware of our dcs health and we have explained the consequences having these foods have on dc. We have made it crystal clear and have even handed things back when given as gifts and told them "dc cannot eat this". Despite this, they repeatedly ignore us and give these foods anyway when we are not there, but "just a little", or "we didn't think x or y was excluded" even though they damn well know.

I don't know how many more ways we can say it now.

OP posts:
JMSA · 23/07/2024 16:51

Is this happening when they're doing childcare?
If it is, I'd probably start supplying the food.
Hope your wee one is ok.

CantGetDecentNickname · 23/07/2024 16:51

I'd have a serious conversation with them and explain in very clear terms the short and long term damage they cause to his body/gut etc every time they give him "just a little bit". Just because he isn't having an instant allergic reaction doesn't mean it isn't harmful. Show them evidence in the form of studies and information you have been given that say this is the case.

Tell them that they are deliberately harming your child and aren't safe to be left alone with him as you feel you can't trust them. Then never leave them alone with him.

They may be of the generation that feel a little bit of something that disagrees with you can increase your resilience. They may think we mollycoddle kids nowadays and there was none of this in their day and they know better. I doubt you will ever be able to trust them if they think they know better. Their repeatedly exposing your DC to food that is harmful to them shows you this and that they don't intend to change. Sorry, but you can't just leave him with them any longer.

Deadbeatex · 23/07/2024 16:47

It isn't about them not respecting your wishes, it's about them ignoring their DGC medical condition and I wonder if you reframe your thinking then you'll be able to more easily take the advice of PP which I'm also going to echo, they don't see DGC without supervision until they take this seriously. It doesn't have to be life and death, it causes your child issues and that's enough to say no you are not listening and until you do then I'm sorry you won't be seeing DGC without us being there

ToofHurty · 23/07/2024 16:35

"We won't be letting you see the children unsupervised any more. You're repeatedly putting their health at risk by giving them food we have told you they're not allowed to eat and which will make them very ill and we are starting to think you've got Munchausens by proxy".

BlimminCat · 23/07/2024 16:33

See this brings out my childish side - I would start putting salt in their cups of tea or 10 sugars and when they spit it out tell them ‘oh, it’s only a little bit, what the problem’.
Then have a serious conversation again about your wishes for your child and how what they are trying to feed him is effecting him.

Pikapikapikachu11 · 23/07/2024 16:30

Don't let them be alone with children until you can trust them. It isn't fair on the child.

Fineporcupine · 23/07/2024 16:30

I would give them a fair warning that they won't be visiting unsupervised if they do it again.

I completely understand as I have a child with celiacs and to begin with my dad was a bit laxed with checking thing's as it wasn't a life or death reaction.

1VY · 23/07/2024 16:30

Iwontlethtesungodownonme · 23/07/2024 16:28

You are going to have to be there all the time or the child does not see them. At least until the grandparents learn.

This.

BippetyBoppetyBooHoo · 23/07/2024 16:29

Ask them why they aren't listening and responding to you? Have they been like this with other things?

Iwontlethtesungodownonme · 23/07/2024 16:28

You are going to have to be there all the time or the child does not see them. At least until the grandparents learn.

Illbethereforyouuu · 23/07/2024 16:27

Just don't let them be with them alone.

PurpleChrayn · 23/07/2024 16:27

"If you keep feeding him XYZ, you won't be seeing him again."

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