Been told my child is very weird and childish

☝️ This is absolutely true ( speaking as a teacher)

Hi OP,

I think you’ve been really brave and open in your response to what you’ve heard fro the other mum. It sounds like her intention was with empathy.

I recently had training on how differently girls present with ND to boys. And much of the literature and training is based on boys presentation. Not saying your daughter has ND / ASD, but it could be worth you looking into and being aware of specific presentations with girls. I was surprised at the very little training teachers have in this area and how outdated this can be.

It could be she’s just struggling to fit in and is trying to be the clown to get there or it could be there is something more at play such as adhd / autism.

I can’t say it’s a phase any of mine have had poop talking wise to say oh yeah that’s totally normal 10 year old behaviour to laugh at poop, my 8 year old would find it strange.

My friend however has a daughter with medically recognised delays and she finds all the poops and farts hilarious and will say it to whoever whenever she wishes. She’s also behind educationally too and would be very much described as immature and weird by her peers. Her own mum recognises this.

It's not fine for a ten year old to act like a five year old though.

It sounds like she might be trying to fit in or get attention rather than be ignored maybe ? Is she happy with her friendships or is she a bit of a loner ?

Is the other mum the mum of her particular friend or someone more random !? does she have much to do with your daughter ? Or is she just someone barely known thinking she should comment ? Does she matter in your child’s world .

Fundamentally the mum sounds like she is lacking in social skills herself . Though as a precaution I would dig about as to what’s causing this sort of behaviour . It may be a harmless lack of maturity, but there maybe something more behind it .

If your daughter is struggling on ways to fit in then you need to help her find better ways to fit . Find out what kids of her age tend to like and make sure she can talk the talk if fitting in is the problem.

On the whole children seem to talk about absolute rubbish at times in my experience, but knowing how to start social interactions will help her throughout her life .

100% I had the same thoughts and have seem similar things with girls

Many girls mask really, really well through primary school and it all goes pear-shaped when they hit puberty.

I would at least have autism on your radar for considering and investigating, OP, as she starts to head into puberty.

Yes, but you're all adults. Girls at the youngest end of secondary school are highly unlikely to put up with it, and work on getting to know DD better.

In isolation I wouldn't dream of diagnosing your child by my DD is childish and immature and my neice similar. My DD wouldn't dream of talking about poop but my neice would. Both are ASD. For both the school said they really didn't see a problem ... until we actually got the diagnoses.

A quick list of other traits that act as a bit of an "ohhhh, maybe it's worth looking into" would be:
Food oddities; wanting food separate on the plate, fussiness, only eating or drinking a limited range of things. E.g. my DD is 13 and ONLY drinks water.
Clothing oddities; Being really fussy about the feel of underwear, the noises made by things like rain coats, being out of step with their peers styles.
Sensory oddities; being funny about noises (hand dryers, rustling, noisy places) and trying to avoid them. Avoiding certain textures.
People communication oddities; being "shy" or not being able to hold a "normal conversation". Saying inappropriate things. Not getting the joke. Not liking physical contact or only liking it with a limited number of people.
Hobbies oddities; extreme focus on a hobby or having a hobby others would think of as odd.

There's also fine motor issues, clumsiness, slowness to learn basic skills like shoe tying, inappropriate anger or meltdowns that seems out of proportion, demand avoidance.

Not saying you need all or that this is in any way an exhaustive list but if you are nodding along to a lot of it then maybe a bit more investigation isn't a bad thing. My DD goes to mainstream school and looks like a shy and a little odd early teenager. She is "quirky". Most of her struggles are well hidden in school and only really show once she is home and safe and really have been hidden more at home until her recent ASD diagnosis. Now we talk about things more and I am getting a better view of what she can and can't do. Looking back at her as a baby / young child I can now see all these issues but at the time I could reason them away, just thought she was quirky, assumed they were due to her hearing loss, blamed it on my own odd communication style etc..

This sort of behaviour is very typical of someone who would previously have been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome. When you have ASD you can be up to 3 years behind in emotional maturity. Around this age is when the gap starts to widen and you stop being able put their behaviour down to their age. This is around when DS got diagnosed. The report from his teachers including the SEN lead made him sound perfect! I definitely wouldn't rely on them to recognise what's going on.

Sorry @Gee54 I have only read all of your posts so far (and a few others on page 1), so I may well be repeating something someone else has brought up.

I am wondering how old your other children are and if one of them has recently been going through potty training for their poo's? Because if so I wondered if you were - quite rightly in my opinion - taking a laid back attitude to it, where whoever is present when it reaches the bullseye everyone gives a little cheer, and/or a well done? Or maybe the one going through being potty trained said they didn't like poos, or poos are horrible and smelly, and to encourage them your DD said something like "well, I like poos, yes they are smelly, but that makes them very funny!" If the 'worried about poos' child then laughed, and if which ever adult was present at the time then laughed as well, and if on top of that the adult agree that poos are (or at least can be) funny, then maybe it is possible that your DD liked that reaction - I know I would have - and so, maybe, even subconsciously, she has run with that hoping to make other people laugh!

Maybe your DD is a stand-up comedienne in the making, but has unfortunately already found her first harsh critics!!
For what it is worth (nothing I know, as I am a stranger) I think that your DD sounds delightful, and I love that she is a bit out of the ordinary; if anyone ever calls me normal I take it as a horrible insult! 🤣
Here are 2 💐💐 one for you and one for your gorgeous daughter - whatever the reason is for her little catchphrase xx

Most kids are a bit odd one way or another, don’t worry too much about it

OP it’s just her personality - do not try and stamp it out,

My 11 year old can be weird. She will grow out of it with the pressure of secondary school and life. Your DD is not a clone of all the tick toc obsessed kids.

The mum that told you this is an utter arsehole.

Bring on the weirdness I say!

I agree. What a rude woman to say that. There were a handful of unkind kids and parents in eldest dcs' primary school class too.

First of all, I think this was an unkind comment from the other mum. She could have worded it more compassionately.

Second, children mature at different times and it’s lovely to keep them as children for as long as possible. I see far too many 8 year olds strutting about looking at mobile phones dressed like much older teenagers.

Secondary school is a great place to find the people you fit in with, and there will be some for your daughter. Try not to worry, as long as she knows she appropriate things so she’s not left behind or picked on, it’s ok for her to not be as mature in her behaviour as the others.

I agree. It sounds a bit like " showing off/ being daft" to me.

Nothing more.

My 9yr old also thinks poop is one of the funniest words ever 🫣 she is ASD and has a speech delay. I'm not saying your DD is the same but this comment from PP hit true to me as my DD has had a lot of help from SALT in social communication and it sounds like your DD may also benefit from this?

Hallelujah- it could be worse she could want a skincare regime and Lululemon. She will grow up in her own time.

This is very perceptive advice.

One of my daughters friends suddenly seemed more immature than the other girls around that age and she did have a year or 2 when her friendships weren’t as strong as the other girls found her a bit babyish and annoying but by the time she was about 12 it all sorted itself out and they’re still a tight knit group now. People mature at different ages and it will all sort itself out

What have you got locally? Is there a velodrome for youth cycling? Anything to do with horses? Sea cadets? Canoeing?

Absolutely anything where the focus is on a task/activity – that will really take the pressure off socially, because socialising comes second, yet there are still lots of opportunities to be social as you do it.

OP don’t worry.

My DD is 10 and does the same. Poop here poop there. I just think it’s a phase where they find silly things funny.

She’ll grow out of it

Could she be social awkward? I see this a lot in my family. The mouth kind of rubs away and it's much wetter in the kids with a tendency to watch silly potty humour videos. Saying that my DH is 61 and still enjoys potty humour. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂🥴

Unfortunately this is exactly the type of thing I did (and worse!) when I was 10, and admittedly look back in embarrassment/horror! The woman's comment was not okay at all but I do think you need to address it with your daughter - it would have made a massive difference to me.

At that age, peer groups are becoming more clearly defined and some girls can struggle with that. I remember cliques starting to emerge and feeling for the first time like I didn't fit in anywhere. I was clever and geeky so thought that by being funny, I'd get people to like me, and would behave/say things not unlike your daughter's comments.

I was diagnosed with ASD as an adult, but could easily see this happening in someone who isn't ND but nevertheless struggles with social cues/otherwise fitting in.

I go a Slimming World group where there is a woman who is weird. She says oddly inappropriate things, is quite loud, thinks things she says/does are funny that aren't, and does not seem to have any impulse control. When she first started everyone was a bit 'Hmm' about her- you could see it in their reactions. However, she has been very open about the fact she is ND and has ADHD. She takes medication and there is a big difference when she is medicated.
But, we have all just got to know her and like her and appreciate her for who she is- medicated or not. She's very nice, thoughtful, kind, funny, sensitive to other people, supportive of them and such a good mum. She drove me mad at first but I barely notice it now and look forward to a chat with her every week.
Being different isn't the end of the world.We should all be a bit more tolerant and embrace difference.