Been told my child is very weird and childish

I think this is a common theme to talk about poo, farts, bums at this age. The other children laugh and it encourages them to do it again. This woman is rude. Your child is just exploring and being humorous. It seems unusual to us as adults don't talk about these things :)

I've been in the position of the other mum, only with a cousin.

I know cousin struggled with friendships at school, and I suspect probably would get an autism diagnosis nowadays. I've had several times when they've related something to me and I could tell that they hadn't got the real meaning behind what was said.

Anyway their dd was silly in a similar way at that age. Cousin smiled proudly and said wasn't it lovely that they could be themselves and children nowadays were so tolerant of different people, and she was so confident with others.
I kept quiet, but I could see that when we went out, although cousin would tell me how her dd made friends with everyone because she would go up to anyone, that other children were actively avoiding her. Cousin was telling me that they were playing nicely and it was all down to how sociable her dd was.

When she was 12/13 I took her out with my ds and she started doing this to him. He asked her several times to stop it, and she replied, "I can't help it, I'm just built to talk about it all the time". He replied "in that case I'm going to play on my phone because I don't want to talk about that."
Interestingly immediately she stopped and for the rest of the day was very sensible and lovely.

Now fast forward to now. She's nearly in her 20s. She still does it. Cousin can't understand why she doesn't have friends. Her dd struggles with feeling left out, but cousin tells her to be herself and real friends like you for who you are.

That's true. Real friends do like you for who you are. But when what you want to do makes other people uncomfortable, you're unlikely to make friends who are going to see past that.

I did once try to say to cousin that sometimes you need to try fit in to make friends. She was not impressed.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should have tried to say more. I'm not certain it would have worked, and I know cousin would have gone up the wall. But I do wonder whether her dd would be happier if someone had tried to help her to see what was unhelpful when trying to make friends.

So what I'm saying is that it's possible the other mother was being nasty. But, maybe she was trying to give a head's up to the Op. It's hard to hear these things about our dc, but sometimes being given an insight how others see us/our dc can help us guide them to make choices over behaviour etc that will make things easier for them in later life. And we'd all like an easy life, wouldn't we?

TikTok is for 13+ not 10 YO

I would read into asd yourself maybe school have missed it. If she is coming across as immature/weird there could be asd clues. I would ask gp for a referral if you still have concerns. The other mum overstepped. Maybe it was said as a friend. But it’s none of her business.

Does your dd do any hobbies, sports or drama? Does she play an instrument? How does she spent her time at home? Perhaps she don'ts feel she has anything more relatable to say. Does she have access to tiktok?

I guess my view may be controversial but I actually think the other mother was probably trying to be kind and helpful, putting this on your radar.

Your daughter is behaving oddly. This is unhelpful for her in primary school but will be worse in senior school where 'being weird' can be the kiss of death. Can guarantee social isolation. Best you know now so you can hopefully get the bottom of things and - if possible - iron it out. This mother has done you and your daughter a favour but putting you in the picture.

I'd have her assessed for possible NDs. They can present in myriad subtle ways in girls.

If she really is just being silly and annoying then maybe you need to have some difficult conversations with her about the possible consequences of distinguishing herself amongst her peer group for all of the wrong reasons.

Hard. Bless you.. Good luck with it all

Sometimes kids that struggle to understand how to join in or make friends just blurt something out to try and get a laugh and join in, but 10 seems a bit old to still be doing that.
Does she have a friendship group?
10 year old girls are quite mature nowadays rightly or wrongly and I think most would find it silly and childish.
Lots of good advice and perhaps go back to the school Senco and tell her about the poop thing. She might have only observed her in a teaching situation.
It was unkind the way you were told and that's just childish as well! She could have worded it better.
Sometimes though as parents we can't see how odd the usual little quirks to us have become in the wider world.

Two things here. The other mother was potentially unkind and unhelpful depending on how she said it -although I would want to know if it was me.

But that sort of behaviour really needs reining in-she's old enough to understand that she needs to stop it. Is that it, or does she say/do other unusual things too.

btw guides/ brownies will not help a child who has 'divergent' communication tbh - tried and failed with my own child for that.

They need real understanding around them of why they are behaving that way.

Also - social stories - so you sit and you say - what happens when other children hear you say \poop is funny' - do they laugh? do you miind when they walk away because they don't like it? try to guide her to udnerstanding.

sadly the reality is if she is behaving very differently to her peers - she is not going to have as many friends - does she mind though would be my question?

Also - this is NOTHING to do with you as a parent - its not that you didn't arrange enough playdates etc - its that your child probably didn't end up socialising as much because it isn't something she finds easy or enjoys like other kids do.

I think I’d go back to the SENDCO. It does sound quite unusual.

Agreed. My dd would find this annoying and off-putting and would probably avoid your dd. Your dc is not respecting her friends' boundaries. It's an inappropriate thing to say at that age. Why is she obsessed with poo? Have you told your dd that she shouldn't be saying this? Is she after a reaction, any reaction from others?

not trying to sound like a cliche - but my own daughter has autism and I do see the signs in other children sometimes.

Not following social cues by 10 is unusual in girls particularly - as usually girls are incredibly driven to fit in socially (which is why a lot of autistic girls are not diagnosed until teens) -

So - not noticing or minding that other people are responding poorly/not liking your behaviour - is a sign of neurodiversity.

Obviuosly you would need other traits but sadly I would not presume the SENCO would notice. They don't see the minor/small things kids notice.

If I had a pound for every child whose parents were told by school SENCOs that they didn’t show any signs of ASD who ultimately received a diagnosis…
Clearly, there’s a social communication problem, and I think it would be doing your DD a huge disservice not to at least investigate that and help her to navigate friendships before she heads off to secondary.

Schools are not experts in SEN. At all. It's not unusual for them not to see needs in primary, especially in girls.

I'd look at an assessment, yes. Speech and Language look at social interaction and ed psych to see if more is going on. If you want to PM me I can recommend excellent people, depending on where you are in the country.

Autism is a social communication and interaction disorder and presentation in able girls can be subtle. That doesn't mean any less miserable. Too many staff look for the obvious (can they make eye contact? Do they have weirdly unusual obsessions?) and miss the more common issues like intense emotions, social isolation, hurting peers's feelings without meaning to, obsessions that are on the face of them socially acceptable but pursued to a far greater extent, difficulty seeing "the bigger picture", giving too much info when asked for an answer. It's complicated and lots of parents with an older autistic child initially miss it in the second because they present so differently.

Sounds like the other mum was a bit blunt but helpful.

The OP wants to know why her daughter is being left out and excluded, she now knows it is because other kids find her 'weird and childish'.

Yes, not nice to hear but better than not knowing what the problem is!

I would look at DLD. It gets misdiagnosed a lot and many school staff are unaware.

I think you would have had different responses had you included the fact the other mum wasn’t being unkind in your first post. It must have taken a lot for her to speak honestly to you about a sensitive subject.

I agree with the previous posters saying that this is not typical behaviour for a ten year old. I was shy and immature at that age, and with hindsight I can see that some guidance on behaviour/ fitting in with my classmates would have made the early years at secondary easier for me.

I know people have been saying that your daughter should ‘be herself’ and ‘she’ll find her tribe’ but it’s a lot easier at those pre-teen/ early teen ages to be able to fit in with your peers. If she’s already been left out in the last year or two at primary, I don’t think things would be easier in secondary.

The Mum isn’t a bitch, she’s doing OP a favour. A good parent would want to know if other kids find their child weird because they’re saying things far below their age. ‘I like poop’ is something a 4 year old would say. If someone doesn’t care that their 10 year old is saying such odd things and that other kids think they’re strange because of it then the parent is the problem.

It just sounds like she is creative, OP. She wants to entertain, so she says something she knows will shock people. Get her creative hobbies and outlets. Does she enjoy drama? Are there any performing arts groups or classes she can attend?

There are lots of ways to entertain people and it sounds like she could use some wider experience and encouragement with it.

What if she learned to recite poems for people, like “The Raven” by Edgar Allen Poe, or Shakespeare.

I don’t think calling the mum names is helping it sounds like Op was expressing concerns to her about her daughter and the mum has finally said something. Surely it’s better to know now rather than no one saying anything. Easiest thing would be the mum to say nothing.
It’s really hard as often parents are so close and don’t see it.
At 10 they don’t have whole class parties it’s the invite 3 friends type of thing but it sounds like op’s dc is never invited.

We all know what it means and given OP’s update, it is a perfectly apt descriptor to use in this case.

Yes what does “weird” actually mean!!?

There’s child ish and there’s baby ish or toddler ish.

You wouldn’t expect most say 15 year olds to act like 10 year old or 10 year olds to act like 5 year olds.

I like poop hehe. Isn’t funny at 10 especially when you’ve been told it’s not ok.

Maybe an actual poop joke or hearing your teacher fart for the first time ever may be funny. But I like poop is something I’d firmly put in toddler/reception/year 1 at a push behaviour.

A child being childish? Shock horror

Is your DD having trouble making/keeping friends? There's a chapter in The Unwritten Rules of Friendship called "The Different Drummer" which includes kids whose behaviour seems silly/immature and offputting to other kids. The good thing about the book is that it has activities you can do to help DD get past it.