Been told my child is very weird and childish

@InnieSweet

As I already said: Unless the child is using bad language, being sexually inappropriate or abusive just let them be kids.

I don't think anyone died from hearing the word poo. We all do it. It's not racist, ageist, or any of the other unacceptable behaviours. I don't know why you are so outraged by it.

But what if they want to be liked and have friends?

As long as your kid is happy and has one or two friends that they can be their authentic selves with.
Does being ones authentic self include imposing inappropriate talk on others? Repeatedly saying I like poo, even if your friends don't like it? If someone is a bigot, should they b going around saying offensive things as they are just their authentic self? We have social norms for a reason.

This

It's really not healthy to raise DC to be people pleasers. It's fine that everyone doesn't like them. It's normal to not like everyone you meet. It is unhealthy to teach a child to modify their behaviour so that people will like them. Especially if it's for something as basic as invites to parties.

As for "cardboard cutouts", ime children were much more comformist and intolerant when I was at school 25-30 years ago. Children nowadays, especially teens, seem much more tolerant of differences and inclusive than we were. Especially girls - they're no longer required to fit into some super-slim "cookie-cutter" mould to be accepted.

This is all off the back of what a 10 year old child said.

OPs child had now been diagnosed with having ASD and autism.

It’s ironic that if a child said something negative about a teacher the over whelming response would be that they were making it up or it was misjudged.

I know a child that had to be sat down before they started secondary school and told father Xmas didn’t exist.

Children mature at different stages - they are not one borg. There is an expectation that children should he acting like young adults by 10 - yet I was playing with dolls at that age.

Also girls can suffer terribly in friendship groups - even IF they are not talking about pooh.

It does not mean your child is autistic if they dont ’fit societal norms’ at bloody 10

Op knows for herself her dd isn't being invited and she's excluded. she asked the other mum for her opinion. Why are people ignoring that? Why would the mother make up something so random?

The op even asked her dd about this, and she confirmed she's doing that.
It's irrelevant that grown MN women are telling the op that 'they' are still quirky because they are not the DD peer group. The fact is that children are finding this weird at TEN years old and that's not to be ignored.

There is a child in my ds friendship group who is similar. If they're all playing together he is the one pretending he is sleeping on the floor or jumping in their face while they are trying to talk. Over time the other kids are losing tolerance Quickly. There are parties happening where this child is not invited to from the group of 5. Even now I have noticed the other parents in our group have also not had many play dates with him over. It is sad to see but this is a natural consequence of children who rub others up the wrong way.

Op I do think you can't ignore this.

The card board cut outs this generation is churning out
Mhm.. you seem awfully negative about 'the young people of today'. Old generations complaining about the next is as old as humankind ' But it's just confirmation bias and rather narrow minded. We are a social species, and going around intentionally saying unsolicited rude and crass things to your fellow humans is inconsiderate. Calling a whole generation probably just the girls tho cardboard cut outs merely suggest that you haven't taken the time to look beyond the obvious. There is always more than meets the eye, your loss for not being able to see that. It always makes me laugh when people complain about 'the young people of today', our generation shaped the world for the next to turn out the way they do.

A really important lesson is parenting is everyone does not have to like your kid or you for that matter. the world would be very boring if we were all the same.

As long as your kid is happy and has one or two friends that they can be their authentic selves with.

Teaching kids to change their behavior, to be more amenable, to be less of themselves is like telling a woman to smile more. Unless the child is using bad language, being sexually inappropriate or abusive just let them be kids.

In this case even if the DC is diagnosed as ND - what would that change at school? Will the other kids start to be inclusive - no. Will the parents start to send party invites - no. My advice is help your DC find her friends and nurture those relationships. Don't waste your time and your DC MH trying to fit in.

The child is 10, not 4.

It is not normal at age 10 for girls to talk about poo or for a girl to approach kids she doesn't know with the statement that she likes poo, or to find it funny.

Boys can and sometimes do engage in scatalogical commentary well into their teenage years, but girls do not. And groups of boys who find this sort of topic funny tend to understand that there is a time and a place for it, that is to say, within their own group. You would not find them using poo talk as an ice breaker in unfamiliar company.

@Gee54 - my younger DD was not diagnosed with ASD until she was 16 but looking back, the differences between her and her NT school friends really started to become apparent when she was about 8/9. Play dates and party invites started to dry up.

Obviously, adolescence is pretty tricky at the best of times but DD struggled a lot in years 5 to 8 with trying to fit in - a bit more than could be said to be normal. As a poster mentioned upthread, she would try to imitate what the more socially successful children were doing but get it slightly wrong and piss people off instead (deadpan humour was a big one in that regard).

Towards the second half of year 8, we and she began to consider whether she was autistic and started to make adjustments a few years before she got her diagnosis. It was very helpful, and her diagnosis was a relief. FWIW as DD has got older, she has found her tribe and she also understands herself better and what to expect of herself and what not to expect.

So - painful as it was to hear - I think that mum provided useful information that you needed to know so you can work with it.

There's a wide and very acceptable and appropriate middle ground between 'cardboard cut out' and 'child who approaches kids she doesn't know and tells them she likes poo'.

@Gee54 this mum is bullying you. It's classic bullying. "People say x about you and dd". It's bullshit to make you paranoid, allowing her to disown the statement that she is in fact making, and to gaslight you into thinking she is confiding a secret kept by others.

Fuck that mum and fuck the insidious nature of this kind of bullying. Unless you see it for what it is, it can really damage your MH and relationships with other people, of whom you become suspicious.

Just digest it for what it was (nasty) and avoid this person like the plague.

I agree with this.

🙄

Oh bless her. She sounds very socially
awkward and a lot like my autistic son.

You sound like such a great mum 😊

Offer to become a leader? She will get a place.
Is your DH around. I know you said you have younger children.

You want to change your daughter because someone else was an absolute bitch? What is the actual problem with the behaviour?

Mum clearly has concerns as she’s spoken to teacher and had child observed by Senco previously. It’s not a case of mum thinking everything fine and a one off comment by one child.
Mum has concerns re her dc and has asked this mum who has been honest by sounds of it.
No one knows if she is autistic but surely better to keep eye on dc and if need be look into it rather than her dc continue to struggle socially.

How do you know it’s true? This is off the back of what a 10 year old kid has said.

Except OP has said she’s spoken to that Mum about her DD being excluded before, and has already had to tell her to stop bringing up poo. It sounds very much like the other Mum has just confirmed OP’s concerns rather than being spiteful. Being different is fine but I won’t be encouraging my 10 year old to go round saying ‘I like poop’

How do you know it’s true? This is off the back of what a 10 year old kid has said. If there was an issue the school would have said.

But no - a 10 year and her mum have given their expert opinion and MN had given 10 pages of autistic diagnoses.

And yeah I do think girls should be encouraged to be different than than the card board cut outs this generation is churning out

This. We expect kids to act like adults. They are not. They are weird and irritating kids

I’d pick weird over a card board cut out any day
Really? Why be derogatory about children who manage to navigate complex social interactions without being inconsiderate to others. I feel sorry for OP's dd but I also feel sorry for the kids who she pesters daily with talk about poo. See, there will be others who are also struggling, whether due to family situations, illness, CoL, dyslexia, autism, adhd, why should they have to deal with such silly and rather gross nonsense? Op's dd needs support with her social skills. Repeatedly saying things like that shows lack of empathy as she is satisfied with 'I like poo' being fun for her and doesn't care that others might find it a nuisance.