Been told my child is very weird and childish

@yully what are you on about - praising

Should have told her it was weird and childish to tell you that, what adult repeats unkind comments about a child to their mother of all people!

I think this pre-teen stage particularly with girls is a strange one. They are trying to be grown up and mature but are still quite childish. Maybe it’s a confidence thing that she thinks if she makes people laugh it will break the ice?

I agree. I think it was extremely cruel for that mother to say that to you (that 'mother :-)). I'd have been hurt had it been about my child. There are some unpleasant, insensitive people around for sure.

My child was considered 'eccentric' until puberty hit, then he became a 'bloke', laid back and monosyllabic, suddenly started having loads of friends.

Please don't worry. The teachers have tried to reassure you and we will do the same.

In a year or two your daughter will be quite different, trust me.

Things you CAN do, if you would like to support your child in making different sorts of decisions when communication with peers.

Research / read-up on social skills strategies.

You can get a book with scripts / photos that give examples of situations, then it’s a roll play with practice saying more appropriate things.
You can also roll play these with Lego people, soft toys. You two can have a laugh but also it’s learning.
when person says “I like poop” the other is sad walks off — what are they thinking???
Instead,
instead say “I’m looking forward to PE today, do you like netball?” … maybe we can be in same team?
“have you neen to the new shop/park/seen Inside Out 2? … I really liked X’s blue hair

Provide DD with practice and better sentences. Give her options. No harm in learning art of small talk / making connections.

I am really surprised at how many people think there's nothing wrong with this. As if everyone should just think the child is special and charming – for talking about poo to kids who clearly think it's weird. The poor child is at risk of losing friends and being ostracised. These things matter, more than being 'special and unique'.

No. This shouldn't be indulged. Or worse, praised. Quirky is fine, but this sort of behaviour is actually a little intrusive, not to mention rude. There seems to be this idea that everyone should just 'be themselves', with the assumption that the whole world will happily go along with it and there won't be any consequences.

The jump to autism isn't helpful either. Maybe she's just unskilled at social situations and has learned that this behaviour gets attention.

It suggests to me that her behaviour is not nearly as normal as you insist.

I’m not sure why you’re focusing on whether there is something wrong with your child and not on why this rude cow thought she could say something like that to you? It sounds like there’s nothing wrong with your child, and everything wrong with this other parent!

@S1lverCandle yes it suggests to me some children with intolerant parents are hearing them gossip about kids in their class and getting carried away with it. Everyone pile on the kid that says poop. Does that sound reasonable to you as an adult?

The thing us, she may mask the vast majority of the time - and the SENCo’s experience of autism may be limited to a few courses. I would not regard this as definitive.

Already modified response in another comment after this, as had not read op's further info about the poo comments. You also must not have read my further modification. ☺️

Sounds a bit attention seeking tbh…maybe she’s not as confident as you think, does she have trouble making friends? She’s old enough to understand that playing silly games wins silly prizes …it’s not going to help her at school she’ll easily end up with a nick name of like poo girl or something silly like that - people will take the piss out of her for sure nip that in the bud

My advice to younger self would be to try and ignore the negative comments and just carry on loving and supporting your child. My son used to get fixated on words and repeat them, just be generally very silly and also not pick up on social clues so would I think irritate other kids at times who could be quite cruel (along with their mums!), resulting in him being excluded from friendship groups etc ... Honestly, some of the kids who at the time I would look at and wish my son was more like, have not matured in way you'd expect so I wish I'd known that too. When I look back and remember how embarrassed I was at times, I feel vaguely ashamed and am only able to admit this as it's an anonymous forum.
Just be there for your daughter and carry on showing her you love her and try not to worry too much x

School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related.

None of her peers are amused. Doesn't that suggest anything to you?

I would say - as a long term teacher of upper KS2 - that your DD’s behaviour us sufficiently unusual to merit some concern, especially if she has been told repeatedly that it is not appropriate but is unable to modify her behaviour.

It isn’t ‘weird’ or ‘quirky’ in a fun way, is a long way from being age appropriate and would suggest that there is some underlying reason why her social skills are not developing typically. Autism would be my first thought, and is definitely one to really keep in mind as girls typically mask ND much more than boys do, but the consequences of this on long term MH etc can be serious.

Does she have friends at school? It sounds to me that she's trying to initiate an interaction but doesn't know how to do it in a way that other ten year olds would. Social stories as others have mentioned may be helpful. Quirks should be embraced but on the flip side other children aren't as magnanimous as adults. Sadly, fitting in is quite important and to fit in you have to be able to read the room which she may not be able to do.

Poop is peak 10YO joke material. This is a very strange judgement on a child.

She's not acting like a 10yo though, she's acting like a 3 or 4yo.

But all her 10 year old peers have an issue with it, so it's not really normal 10 year old behaviour at all, is it?

@Fishcake18 I would say and think 'great - my ability to be silly and weird are two of my best qualities.'

So, you are at work, at a party, in the park, on a train and someone comes up to you and starts talking about poo and how much they love it. You tell them you are not interested, they are inappropriate and to go away and you think they are right in thinking and saying ‘my ability to be silly and weird are two of my best qualities’?

Even, worse case, and I have a child who has ASD and for whom childhood was difficult, why on earth would you entertain and encourage a child to do this because it shows their ‘good qualities’?

This isn't being quirky. It's rude and bizarre for a child heading to high school to say that.

Social stories and consequences

This - it's fine for a 10YO to act like a 10YO. Avoid this parent and child if you can and maybe have a word with the teacher about potential bullying.

My friends child kept saying strange things at that age 10/11, like you are poop and my mum knows santa. Really strange stuff. But a nice and intelligent girl. When she got to 12, she got worse. She had a positive assessment for autism.

What you need to do is work on your own resilience and ability to accept your daughter so she is able to be resilient and has good self-esteem.
The problem here is the parents of the children calling her weird, my children would be pulled up on that nastiness straight away, I wouldn't be joining in on it.
As long as your daughter isn't harming anyone else she should be able to be her true self. Trying to stiffle that is only going to lead to mental health problems and problems in your relationships.
As long as she is confident she will find her people at secondary school and as an adult

The great thing is it’s ok to be different now.