Been told my child is very weird and childish

All the posts saying that the news bearer was being a bitch and to ignore her are doing you no favours.

Of course our children are precious and no less worthy if they’re immature or odd but secondary schools are brutal places.

We need to see our children as others see them if we want them to be socially competent and survive the slipstream of secondary education. Teenage peers who will not hesitate to try and make any lone gazelle conform to the pack. This can resort to bullying which has long term effects on mental health so it’s better if she understands this now.

Even if she’s different and quirky (and lots of children are), she still needs to learn appropriate responses and engagement. Most children have learned or can mimic this by 11, but some children (I was one) need additional support, role play and a bit of tough love.

I think a Yr 6 behaving like that goes beyond normal immaturity for that age. Dd1 wasn't into boys or make-up in Yr 6 and grew apart from her friends that were, but she also wouldn't think saying poo was funny. She had a sweet group of slightly less mature kids who still liked playing imaginary games.

I do think that kind of behaviour will mark her out at secondary. Dd2 had a girl who she found quite uncomfortable at the start of year 7 that would randomly hug people.

I don’t think it’s mean if the other mum at all. She was right to tell you what others are saying, but of course it hurts. For you & for your girl. You are aware of the issue, though. Keep encouraging your daughter, not fitting in is a part of life & it’s not easy.

The problem here is the other mum - i cannot for the life of me imagine a situation where one of my kids said there's this weird kid at school who says she likes poop and I then went and sought out the mother of this child and repeated this. Your DD is 10, it sounds like the sort of stupid thing some 10 year olds would say. If your DD was a DS I think it might be written off as a silly thing boys do. Unless you have other concerns about your DD forget about it and give this other mother a wide berth.

I think that mum is being a dick. My DDs friends and even some of their parents would call her weird at times, because she loves magic and fairies, getting mucky and rolling in the dirt. Many
of her friend would never have done this at any age.

Sounds like you are concerned about the poo chat so carry on trying to address that, but I disagree with pps that laughing about poo is only for 4yr olds. There’s inappropriate places to discuss that kind of thing which she needs to learn about, and especially that some people feel offended by that. But try not to be shamed by other people - I think people can be so uptight. She’s learning about the world and how to navigate it. And she is a child, so no wonder she’s childish.

She does sound a bit silly and immature, but no more than that. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it once she goes to senior school.

She’s probably just young for her age.

I guess her younger siblings find it funny but the kids her age, less so. She’s trying to fit in and make them laugh but getting the vibe a little wrong.

It’s harsh but teen life can be harder so def explore the things posters are saying. Id make sure she has some creative outlets like drama outside of school to keep her self esteem high.

Not all SEN leads are good at recognising that autism presents very differently in girls .
(As PP has said “girls typically mask ND much more than boys do, but the consequences of this on long term MH etc can be serious.”

It's not a one-way street though. Of course kids should be taught not to exclude or be unkind, but it's not fair to expect them to go out of their way to connect with "special and unique" peers who don't make the effort to read the room.

whether she is ND or not, she needs to be helped to learn what appropriate social behaviour is.

Yes kids with ASD often struggle with knowing this but so do some NT children and the ways to help are the same. Read social stories about 2 way conversations and who to share silly thoughts with.

ATM it doesn’t sound like the way people react to her worries her (only you) so try and worry less what people think and help her to get better at conversation before secondary. ❤️

They're just not though, are they? Because once you get past a certain age being silly and weird is just grating.

I'd agree with looking for a SaLT (Speech and Language Therapy) assessment. This sounds like something that needs a social communication assessment. I'd also bear in mind that often SendCo's don't have the training/resources to pick up on children who show less 'obvious' or 'typical' neurodiverse behaviours and often exploring a diagnosis, particularly in girls, is missed because of this.

She will likely grow out of it. Those talking about secondary school are scare mongering. But because she is one of the younger ones, helping her improve her social skills will help her.

She might just have a really daft sense of humour. I know loads of kids that were at least this "weird"* and at the most they just turned out a bit nerdy? I'd honestly not think anything of it - maybe just try and get her into some better surreal comedy? Does she like whoopee cushions, Beano type stuff?

*in quotes because it's not actually weird

My 9 and a half year old is a bit immature for his age, if that makes sense, in terms of his language and it has been suggested by the school that he has a language delay disorder and he has been referred to a speech and language therapist. Still waiting for the appointment so I am not sure how it goes. I do notice he can irritate jis friends a little. Then his friends can also amble irritating to him.

Aren't parents supposed to teach tolerance and understanding to their DC. I suppose if they never got that lesson themselves...

Other mums a cow. She literally a kid, people want kids to grow up so quickly these days I was still playing with bratz and Barbie's when I was like 11/12. Kids were weird back when I was young. Me and my friend in like year 8 made ourselves "look" like Hannah Montana and lily and called on our boy mate and asked if he wanted to be our Oliver. And he did 🤣

10 is so young, what is it she's doing that's so immature? My son is 9 and can be so immature, very silly aswell but I don't expect he will be 45 robotting into the office

Yes, there is clearly a balance between being "special and unique" and finding common ground with peers that allows you to hold your own in social situations.

10yo/yr 5 has been a strange year for my DD, she's May born so one of the younger in the year but not the youngest. There are some big differences in maturity across the class.

Some of the girls are fully into their Tween/Teen stage with skin care routines, acrylic nails, make up, boy band posters. Some of the girls are still very much into stuffed toys, dolls, poo jokes and unicorn/dinosaur T-shirts.

Neither is wrong, or needs any additional help they're just at different stages of development.

She will grow out of it. Me and brother, as kidd, used to have competitions to see who could say Bum, willy or pooh the most times. In public. My mum used to go crazy. Safe to say we haven't done it since we were about 10

I agree with @yully.

We’re not talking a unique, be yourself, girl. We’re talking about something rather inappropriate and peculiar.

When she gets to secondary school, she’ll be isolated for it.

All children in school know to change their behaviour when someone is in class watching them, so I’m not surprised the senco hasn’t picked up on her behaviour. However, I’d also go with her having ASD.

@Gee54 Don't worry these kids are not the ones your DC needs as friends

I wouldn’t just go by the SEN lead’s observations.

I think it’s horrible for people to have made the comments that they have. But if your DD is ND then she will have a lifetime of being misunderstood by other horrible people. I think in your shoes I might look into getting a formal medical diagnosis. If it turns out to be just late maturing, so much the better. But if she is ND you’ll have the support she needs to help her deal with what can be a very challenging world.

So he only had friends when he stopped the weird behaviour. Haven't you put two and two together?!

Agree. I'd look further into SEN and work through some social stories with her. While of course we shouldn't be telling our kids to mindlessly conform, they do need to observe socially appropriate behaviour or they're in for a hard time. Could it be a confidence issue? So she lacks confidence or doesn't feel she fits in so says silly things for effect?