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AIBU?

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Original poster

Been told my child is very weird and childish

359 replies

Gee54 · 23/07/2024 15:10

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

OP posts:
Laundryliar · 23/07/2024 16:37

Gee54 · 23/07/2024 15:26

I’ve asked her why she says that and she responds “because it’s funny”.

I was about to comment OP as i knew this was the issue. Shes trying to find a way in socially and has noticed some funny kids can seem popular, they make people laugh, so she's simplistically thought I'll try to be funny.... But it never works, you cant try to be funny you either are or you arent.
Your best advice to her is not to try and make people laugh and be funny but just to be herself, be calm, but also be kind to others.
Have you had kids in the class over for a playdate? Kids are often more themselves in a one on one scenario where they dont have to compete for attention.

Donotneedit · 23/07/2024 16:36

Schools often don’t see signs of ND, because kids mask at school, and because whilst they claim to have their finger on the pulse of the child’s social interaction with the peer group,they only really see the tip of the iceberg. I wouldn’t rule it out, I’m not saying she is, but I just wouldn’t take the schools comments about it as being final either

Original poster
Gee54 · 23/07/2024 16:35

yesmen · 23/07/2024 16:33

With you on this.

Show quote history

No I don’t believe she told me to be malicious or rude I genuinely think she’s been trying to tell me for a while and just came out with it today. I have spoken to her about my DD being excluded in the past and I now have my answer. It was t said to cause upset it was said to help me understand why other kids don’t want DD around it invite her to birthday parties.

OP posts:
yesmen · 23/07/2024 16:34

yully · 23/07/2024 16:04

I am really surprised at how many people think there's nothing wrong with this. As if everyone should just think the child is special and charming – for talking about poo to kids who clearly think it's weird. The poor child is at risk of losing friends and being ostracised. These things matter, more than being 'special and unique'.

No. This shouldn't be indulged. Or worse, praised. Quirky is fine, but this sort of behaviour is actually a little intrusive, not to mention rude. There seems to be this idea that everyone should just 'be themselves', with the assumption that the whole world will happily go along with it and there won't be any consequences.

The jump to autism isn't helpful either. Maybe she's just unskilled at social situations and has learned that this behaviour gets attention.

I am not sure that is what people are saying though.

Hatfullofwillow · 23/07/2024 16:34

Stowickthevast · 23/07/2024 16:19

I think a Yr 6 behaving like that goes beyond normal immaturity for that age. Dd1 wasn't into boys or make-up in Yr 6 and grew apart from her friends that were, but she also wouldn't think saying poo was funny. She had a sweet group of slightly less mature kids who still liked playing imaginary games.

I do think that kind of behaviour will mark her out at secondary. Dd2 had a girl who she found quite uncomfortable at the start of year 7 that would randomly hug people.

People find base humour funny at all ages. It's one of the fundamentals of humour. Eg there are plenty of adults that still find farts funny. It's either the incongruity that's funny or the reversal of social norms.

Sometimes it's not even about eliciting a response from your audience and just about making yourself smile.

mathanxiety · 23/07/2024 16:34

cantkeepawayforever · 23/07/2024 16:01

The thing us, she may mask the vast majority of the time - and the SENCo’s experience of autism may be limited to a few courses. I would not regard this as definitive.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes to this.

mathanxiety · 23/07/2024 16:34

And I think you should thank the other woman who spoke to you. You have a chance to help your child now. It's really important to help a child navigate the tween social world.

yesmen · 23/07/2024 16:33

ThisNoisyTealLurker · 23/07/2024 16:03

I’m not sure why you’re focusing on whether there is something wrong with your child and not on why this rude cow thought she could say something like that to you? It sounds like there’s nothing wrong with your child, and everything wrong with this other parent!

With you on this.

FictionalCharacter · 23/07/2024 16:32

Gee54 · 23/07/2024 15:22

She said her DD told her my DD goes up to people and says “I like Poop”, I know how silly this is and we have spoken about it. It’s a recent thing I would say around 5 months now she’s been talking a lot about poop etc. I’ve told her not to say these words and if she has to just to her close friends but she goes up to kids she doesn’t even know and tells them how much she likes poo etc.

Edited

Ah, that’s important context that was missing from your OP. The other kids would find that disturbing and it isn’t surprising they talk about her and tell their parents.
Is she able to understand why you’re telling her this isn’t ok? Can she grasp that most people don’t find it funny and don’t like her saying it?

yesmen · 23/07/2024 16:32

Sounds to me like you need to chanel the great Luna Lovegood.

In the books, Luna is different and very comfortable with that fact. She is a wonderful character and well worth getting aquainted with.

Two of mine had imaginary games with poopoo heads right up to 13 ish. They howl with laughter now when they remember. Emojiis and the emoji film seemed to kick start it, along with the fact that it was a little transgressive.

The worst thing you could do is go down a rabbit hole of "your fault, weird Johnny no mates child etc".

There are millions of ways to exist in this world and being easy in one's skin is pretty fundamental for a decent life.

DragonFly98 · 23/07/2024 16:32

I know you don't have a Time Machine but for others reading this particular who have summer borns due to start in this September or next considering deferring them , you are doing them no favours sending them to school at age 4 and high school barely 11. Yes survived bias plenty if posters will say I /my child was fine but research and statistics say otherwise.
Op I would not trust a Senco saying your dd isn't neurodivergent they rarely can spot it in girls especially.

JollyPinkFox · 23/07/2024 16:32

She probably doesn’t want your kid rubbing off on her kid. It’s not really normal for a 10 year old. I’d probably tell your daughter others will find her weird if she continues (given you’ve already said you told her to stop lots of times)

Pookerrod · 23/07/2024 16:32

As a PP said, this convo wouldn’t have taken place if your DD was a DS.

Little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice…. 🙄

DeliciousApples · 23/07/2024 16:32

Could you ask your daughter what the "random kids" do when she goes up and says this to them?

If she says "they just laugh" then it could be she's trying to become the class clown because "everyone loves a clown right". Wrong.
Attention seeking and lonely.

She may think they are laughing with her when they are laughing at her and she needs told that.

If she says they look shocked and that she laughs at their reaction then she's doing it for her own personal pleasure.

If she appears to be doing it so other kids will talk to her then she needs better guidance on how to strike up conversations without making a fool of herself.

I agree with the ethos of let kids be kids and have fun but this isn't fun any more and she will be hurt as someone will take offence. What happens if she starts talking to adults like that? It won't end well.

mathanxiety · 23/07/2024 16:32

Pippatpip · 23/07/2024 15:32

Hmmm. Just wondering if she's confused about sorming friendships or appropriate social interactions. I wonder if there is some immaturity in speech and language/social skills. If you can scrape together the money and can fine one, then I would recommend an assessment by a SALT followed by a short course of sessions giving her strategies on social communication. It does sound like she is quite immature in her underand this will knock on on her comprehension and inferential skills.

Absolutely this ^

I'd also find a way to enroll her in drama classes, dancing, and/ or some kind of team sport.

Does she do chores at home? Is she responsible for some important element of keeping the home ticking over?

What does she read? What programmes does she watch? Does she play a lot with her younger sisters?

Gogogo12345 · 23/07/2024 16:30

Acornsoup · 23/07/2024 15:58

Poop is peak 10YO joke material. This is a very strange judgement on a child.

At 10? My DS Went through a poop and wee obsession but he was FOUR and still in nursery not headed to secondary school

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 23/07/2024 16:26

How did it come up with this other mum? I know plenty of ten year olds who would happily talk about poo so I don’t think that’s particularly weird. Not all children fit in with their peers and it’s not for you to ‘fix her’. What are the attributes she has to celebrate and let’s go from there.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 23/07/2024 16:26

That woman is a bitch. Your daughter will more than likely grow out of it. My ds used to change a lot over the summer, who knows what the new term will bring?

Limesodaagain · 23/07/2024 16:25

Limesodaagain · 23/07/2024 16:15

Not all SEN leads are good at recognising that autism presents very differently in girls .
(As PP has said “girls typically mask ND much more than boys do, but the consequences of this on long term MH etc can be serious.”

Show quote history

Also - the mum was a complete bitch. But unfortunately children in secondary school could be even more mean so I think it’s kinder to help her with advice/ support that doesn’t make her feel bad about herself.

marshmallowface · 23/07/2024 16:24

Gee54 · 23/07/2024 15:27

@S1lverCandle lots of times but she still does it.

@marshmallowface thsts lovely! Any advice you would give your younger self? Also what did he say or do that was immature?

Also wanted to add to my previous comments that my son's "weirdness/ silliness" has morphed into one of his strengths which is a great sense of humour. X

Investinmyself · 23/07/2024 16:22

I’d keep an eye on her. When choosing a secondary school look what provision they have for nurture or social support.
Can I recommend girlguiding- guides? For age 10-13. We do a lot to encourage friendships and build confidence. I’m a leader and in our group of girls there’s a big range of maturity and behaviour.
The poop thing reminds me of a girl we had who would talk about inappropriate things and not pick up on social clues/no ability to read room. As she got older she found her niche with younger ones. No diagnosis but I suspected she may be diagnosed with autism.

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 23/07/2024 16:22

Gee54 · 23/07/2024 15:22

She said her DD told her my DD goes up to people and says “I like Poop”, I know how silly this is and we have spoken about it. It’s a recent thing I would say around 5 months now she’s been talking a lot about poop etc. I’ve told her not to say these words and if she has to just to her close friends but she goes up to kids she doesn’t even know and tells them how much she likes poo etc.

Edited

This definitely goes far beyond ‘not normal’ and more into ND territory I feel.

Pookerrod · 23/07/2024 16:22

Is she happy OP? Or is she coming to you upset that she’s struggling with friendships and people being mean?

If it’s the former then just leave her be. She’ll mature eventually and probably very quickly indeed from September when she starts secondary.

(That mum sounds like a right bitch btw)

UnbeatenMum · 23/07/2024 16:21

Is she missing social cues? I.e. it's obvious that other children are finding her weird but she can't see it? Because that is an autistic trait, as is wanting to socialise but not knowing how to get the conversation started.

sugarbyebye · 23/07/2024 16:21

People have said I'm weird all my life. I've still had loads of friends, boyfriends, and made plenty of weird and regular friends when I got to uni. It might just be a school thing. School really didn't like weird. Adults are fine with weird.

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