Been told my child is very weird and childish

I'm so pleased to hear this.

I hope you both have a good summer and that a line has been drawn and that she'll have a bit of a reset in September.

Sending good wishes to you and your girlie.

Just thinking of you, OP.

How are you? How are things?

Making conversation, small talk, making friends, is learned. But no one really teaches these social skills. People just watch and learn what works, but might need to be actively watching and trying. Words that got smiles and laughs at one age, don’t work later. New skills need to be learned. Not many children are really good at it all the time.

ND, or not - A diagnosis doesn’t magically change anything. Focus on improving that one thing.

Your child can learn how to communicate better, with your support in watching social skills videos, acting out situations with toys doing the talking and then discussing what could be different, how other might be feeling.

I’ve noticed that some popular children at 10 say vile mean things, the nice kids are rarely the most popular. There’s a lot going on at school all the time.

Does occur to me that that other mum might be ND, have impulse control deficits or and herself needs to learn social skills.

I work in the child psychology field so thought I’d give you my view. I think she could have a bit of neurodiversity but if it’s not affecting her negatively there’s likely no need to peruse support for her. Although maybe in her teen years she will need some counselling if she is getting shunned a lot and loses confidence.

I was this kid, I was ‘weird’ and never quite fit in, I still don’t. I don’t really conform and find most girly/ feminine conversations silly and boring. My sense of humour is only understood by a few. I fit in more with boys when I was younger but now I just have a few close friends who I can rely on, they are also a bit ‘eccentric’ I would say. I wish I had more friends, more of a girl gang, I’ve had this in the past but felt like I had to constantly be fake and act like a sheep to keep up with them. It’s exhausting.

my point is, it is lonely to be a bit different but there’s not much you can do to change it. Changing it will only break her confidence/ ruin her self worth. Think of a trait you might have, for example are you introverted or extrovertd? Imagine someone telling you this trait is wrong, that you need to change etc., you might end up faking it but you wouldn’t be able to change it and faking it will effect your mental health over time. it’s the same for your DD.

Saying that, it’s important to help her find her tribe, what are her interests? Could she join some something niche and nerdy? Drama, Minecraft, arts/ crafts clubs? I’m sure there’s more niche interests than this that she might enjoy.

you may have to guide her a bit more to have manners/ read the room but do this in a sensitive way. Criticism wont help her but constructive feedback and connecting/ accepting will help.

Would she get on with boys more? Could you try find her some boy mates? Or clubs more common with boys? I say this because her behaviour sounds a bit more boyish than girlish which is fine.

Others will have said this, but ND doesn't always manifest as learning difficulty. It can be limited to social difficulty, and that puts it off radar for school intervention.

That's interesting @Gee54 my elder dd (later autism diagnosis) was like that. It was a combination of never really getting comfortable in a group setting and post school exhaustion that would always make her lose her enthusiasm for the activity.

In general, making a few new non school friends who are more accepting/get on better is always helpful as I find in every class that towards the end of every term they have little dramas and scraps.

The boys would look askance at her because it's a girl saying it, if it was a boy I don't believe they would. It's not appropriate from either but it would raise far less eyebrows if it was a boy doing it.

Poo jokes - yes, they might be seen as funny by both boys and girls if they were once-offs or genuinely funny.
Example -
Q - What's brown and sticky?
A - A stick.

Approaching children and saying "I like poo" is not a joke. It is not funny. It has alienated the girls in the class. It would make the boys look askance at her too.

It is not a "double standard."

sounds like there are social communication issues there, if not ASD (as others have said).
teachers don’t always spot ASD especially in girls where it can present in a more subtle way but come to light as social interaction becomes more complex around age 10. My dd is autistic but school never said a thing about it, I just saw some issues myself and had her assessed. She was able to blend in relatively well at school but there were issues that as her mother i spotted more and more. school just saw her as a little quiet. There was SO much going on behind that quiet facade, a lot of struggles and a lot of confusion in her as to why she felt so different, she began to feel increasingly anxious and overwhelmed. The diagnosis has given me a framework with which to understand and support her for more than I did before.
it sounds like your dd is a little lost, trying to make friends and be funny but struggling as to how, and striking an odd note with people as she’s getting it wrong. The recommendations for SALT are good and they may help you have more insight into her struggles. Good luck!

Yeah as audhd I joined swimming, guides, clarinet club, drama club, and many more lol

Don't let anyone dull her sparkle ! She should be weird and silly for as long as possible they're only kids once !

Are there any other classes she would like? It can be a good idea to look a class for something she is interested in, so she makes a few like minded friends perhaps?

Does she it want to do the class as she's not interested in dancing, or, she thinks they wouldn't want her to join?

Is she bothered by not having friends, or is she quite happy in her own little world?

Tough and resilient doesn't mean they also aren't empathetic as well, my point was to get her slowly mixing in with the class instead of being ostracized.

I'd get the teacher involved ASAP to help team her up for group work with empathetic children.

I don't think this is the very best idea. Poor empathetic children.

Asking empathetic and likely sensitive children to be paired up with a child who ignores normal social boundaries for their own hilarity will not be a positive experience for said empathetic children.

While OP's dd is getting to grips with learning not to say tada, poo, haha all the time, they are supposed to handhold, be accepting and ignore that this is the opposite of empathetic behaviour? 🙄

Better to pair her up with the tough, resilient children who don't care so much what others say or do and who are less likely to feel weirded out or uncomfortable.

Edited to add: boys in year 6 who go around making silly poo jokes about poo are also seen as weird, at least by the girls.

I usually put this in context of if she was a boy would people think it so weird? A ten year old boy laughing about poop - immature but I would imagine some of his peers would think he was hilarious/class clown, but for a girl it just isn't seen as acceptable, it's a double standard and it's not fair.

It will be really difficult for your daughter to shake the way she is viewed by her peers at this age/stage and I'd get the teacher involved ASAP to help team her up for group work with empathetic children, as well as teaching her about acceptable conversations in different environments - i.e talking about poop at school no, talking about it at home, in nfddd fine - just as we all have to learn what is acceptable in different environments. I'd also try and set her up with some one to one playdates at yours with empathetic children and mums.

It wasn't a misquote. You meaning something other than what you said is your issue, not the readers 🤣

Thanks for the miss quote by everyone I meant some. I didn't mean that everyone doesn't like the child. How could I possible know that.

@Gee54 , I was an immature and slightly weird kid (also summer born and influenced by my dad's weird personality too!). I didn't really grow out of it until around 16 years old. I really don't think it's a problem as long as she has some friends (you don't say she doesn't?)

I think it just attracts nice, non-judgemental people into your life and keeps the "too cool for school" kids away, which is ideal during tween/teenage years really! Yes she'll probably receive some unkind looks and remarks from the nastier kids, but so does everyone at school. Bullies will find something to bully about no matter what!

I would embrace your daughter for who she is. Trying to force her to be something she's not will just cause her to feel shame and anxiety and won't allow her to form true friendships based on shared interests and personality. Of course she shouldn't be rude (so if she was telling other people they were poo or something then that would need to be addressed), but if she's just expressing herself unusually then that's fine. Much better to be confident in her own skin and attract true friends than to constantly be second-guessing herself and trying to impress/fit in. We don't all need to be identical robots!

Just my two cents based on my own experiences. (p.s. from around age 17 I've always been popular and had lots of friends/no issues getting a boyfriend etc, so my weirdness in childhood really didn't affect me long term. Think it made me confident and empathetic and that shines through).

God - tell the other mum to fk off

I feel sorry for kids reading this thread.

Many kids still laugh about poop at that age. Less than before but they still do.

Uour child isn't weird OP. People's expectations and need for kids to rapidly grow up is weird.

She will be a different child in 6 months. They change constantly. Be happy she's not posing for tik tok and pouting at the camera like some 10 year olds I know