To avoid the ‘just wait’ brigade

Tbh I think the types of people who say "just wait until [insert something negative]" are often negative types of people generally anyway. They can't bear to see someone happy or excited so they like to rain on their parade. That's how I see them, to the point I adopted an attitude of pitying the person as the way I saw it, they must feel quite unhappy in their own lives to make these comments. That or they genuinely think they're doing you a favour by "warning" you, in which case they're tone deaf if you are trying to change the subject and they persist. Totally get your frustration!

I can see that being tiring if unsolicited

BUT

If you’re saying things like …

My baby won’t have a dummy
My baby won’t have a tablet
Im going to gentle parent

The people you’re talking to are probably in the thick of it.

It IS really hard at times and it can be a grind. Life changes for a long time. Sleep deprivation, can’t eat a decent meal, house destroyed, strain on relationships.

BUT I’m on holiday watching my two girls in the pool and it’s ALL worth it for times like this.

Kids ARE hard work but they are a blessing.

Congratulations 💗

Me neither...
Maybe you surround yourself with the wrong people, op? They sound like halfwits.

Of course I haven't done the whole hog yet, but all the people who said I'd have a mental breakdown by week 3, it's impossible to have a wash with a newborn, it's impossible to get out the house with a newborn and it's impossible to get any sleep with a newborn we're all wrong because that stage has passed, and I actually know that what they said would happen didn't happen and was doom mongering that never came to be. So extrapolating from that I'm willing to believe a lot of other parenting doom mongering is also not true, because people enjoy shitting on others. As has been confirmed by other posters saying they have older children and all the bad stuff still never came true even 10 years in.

So we'll see if all these miserable wait and see parents or right or not. But they were categorically wrong about the newborn phase of my babies life. And equally, there are a lot of parent in my life that have nothing but positive things to say about parenthood and adore mothering. So clearly it is not a given that it will be shit.

The reality is that no one knows what sort of baby they will have and what sort of parent they will be until they're living it day-by-day.

So they're wrong to tell you "just wait..." but you may also rethink some of your theoretical parenting choices when your baby arrives. Or you may not. Nobody knows.

I was a fantastic parent to my hypothetical kid and like to think I'm an adequate parent to my actual ones. But the former definitely got better "parenting" 😂. Most parents would probably admit to this.

But I'd never say "just wait" as it's intensely irritating and I don't believe in giving advice (unless it's something immediately useful like "the 3yo has locked herself in the bathroom, how do I remove the locking mechanism so we can get her out?"). You'll work out your own way like most parents do, and it won't be your friend's/family's.

I was thinking the same. It's so bloody hard, and even when you know that it can be a shock how all encompassing it is.

OP, your first paragraph makes me think your friends and family might think you've been a little naive and are trying to prepare you. I've known more than one friend struggle to have a baby and then find it incredibly difficult when they finally had their baby and it wasn't the idyll they'd imagined.

They are managing your expectations. Often people who have struggled to conceive have a focus on it which is hard to meet.

Second, don't say how you will parent. Everyone is a perfect parent until they have a child. Maybe yours will never watch YouTube. But maybe you'll be at the end of your tether and they will.

Just divert, deflect, ignore.

Ignore ignore ignore. People are often dicks, who like to complain.

They’ll tell you all the negatives, then their awful labour stories. I’d suggest a hand up and “I don’t want to hear this thank you! We’re very excited about our baby arriving and I don’t want to hear any negative stories”

I’ve got a WONDERFUL little toddler, who I absolutely adore. The number of people who say “terrible twos” when they’ve asked how old he is makes me want to throttle them. I always respond with “No, not at all! We’re loving watching him develop his own personality” - it floors people, which is sad.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s hard. But it’s AMAZING and such a privilege to be a parent.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

And just to say, some are saying you will have hard times. But even if you did not have a baby you would have hard times, just different ones. Life is at times lovely, at other times lovely with hard bits, and at other times just hard. That is life. But Ia m sure you will enjoy your much wanted baby.

I find most of these type of comments/behaviour are due to people's own experience of parenting (or lack of thereof), rather than being a reflection on your own situation. Personally (after horrendous journey to my DD), I tend go approach it like bad driving on a hospital parking lot - as long as nobody gets hurt, cut them some slack, because you've no idea what's happening behind the screens.

Agreed! Charlie and the Numbers taught my DD to count to 10 before she was 2

i dont think it matters if its a 'rainbow baby' or a long awaited baby... its universal the 'just wait brigade' as you call them.

having a baby, no matter its origin or reason is bloody hard work, and lots of people including myself go into it blinding thinking 'how bad can it be'.

congratuations on your impending birth and wish you well with your baby. not all 'just waiters' are ill intentioned..

I agree with you. It made me incredibly anxious. Having a baby turned out to be easier than the doom laden warnings of never being able to have a shower again. Just to say I didn't believe this totally as no one I knew was smelly as a young mum.

Missing the point entirely but what’s American YouTube? It’s just YouTube….there’s some excellent and very educational stuff on there.

I guess the thing about it being hard is that there's so many ways that it can potentially be hard. Weaning with DS1 was horrific, which I was blindsided by, but a lot of the things more experienced parents did the "just wait" for just weren't our experience. And despite the constant refrains of "every child is different" I remain bamboozled at how DS2, from a newborn, was noticeably an entire different personality from his brother.

The only advice I have given related to the pram that SIL chose, which was far too big for London. And I didn't say "I told you so" when she appeared one day with a yo-yo.

Yes but you're only 7 weeks in so of course you're not at the 'stuck in' stage. You're at the absolute easiest stage! And that's not me saying "just you wait" like people have said to OP, that's me saying don't rest on your laurels and start pontificating about how 'easy' it is to have a baby because of your 7 weeks experience. It's not negativity it's honesty.
When my DD was 7 weeks I was happy, radiant even, enjoying our little routine and was loving carrying her around wherever I wanted to go, as she slept. Things changed dramatically at about 3/4 months.

I always tell pregnant women how my kids have been the biggest joy of my life and I wouldn't change a thing - because that's true. So just you wait OP. You have all that joy before you.

Congratulations!

One downside of pregnancy/parenthood is other people's unwanted opinions.

So true.

I had high need baby/Velcro baby for first it was still great. It is hard work often in ways not predicted by naysayers and you do have rough patches - but I have one an adult at 18 and two late teens and I'm still getting told just you wait. Still the best thing I/we ever did.

these comments are very annoying op. it says a lot about the people making them rather than anything about you and your potential as a parent. try reminding yourself of this in the moment and smile and nod. Perhaps as pp have said they think they’re helping you be prepared. If you don’t take them on (smile, nod, keep morning conversation on) then hopefully they’ll stop in time as it will become boring.

I never say anything like this… though have often thought it. I also think back to my pre parenting ideals and laugh at myself. It’s part of the journey learning these things for yourself and as you say every persons experience will be different so I get why this is annoying.

YANBU if that’s what you want to do. It’s your prerogative.
It is annoying when people do this. I absolutely hated this, but I have to admit, I have since more or less said it once or twice since 🤦‍♀️
Some people just say it to burst your bubble a bit, which is not very nice and I don’t really know why they do it tbh.
What provoked me to say it was with a close relative who was pregnant with her first and was being a know-all about everything and I ended up getting annoyed.
The thing is, although it’s annoying to hear, it is often true.

I always see people with babies/toddlers saying/posting “why did no one ever tell me…” or “why does no one talk about…” but then see posts like this from pregnant women who don’t want to hear from experienced parents.

There have been a couple of threads on here with people saying they really wish they'd had an idea of how hard it was all going to be. It's tricky as for every person who sees unwanted advice about things being hard, as a negative thing, there is another person who might be pleased that their friends are being up front and realistic and helping them mentally prepare

Congratulations on the pregnancy @squashedsandwich.
One downside of pregnancy/parenthood is other people's unwanted opinions.

I had it too, it's so weird! I think it's fine (if not always interesting) in context - things like if you think your 5 year old is expensive wait until they're 15 - but it just seems so joy sapping. I remember when DS1 was born and was a relatively good sleeper everyone said wait until the 4 month sleep regression. I tended to just reply "well I'll enjoy this stage while it lasts!" to everything.