To avoid the ‘just wait’ brigade

There is probably something in this but while I don't want to depress the OP unduly, society does something of a number on mums. It's not surprising that many are unhappy given the huge burden placed on them, although of course it's inaccurate to generalise that others will necessarily face this too. It depends on a lot of social and financial factors and whether you have a supportive partner, supportive employer etc but there's no doubt that the needs of mums come last in too many families.

Congratulations op. You do you and just brush off the negative comments. I had three, two planned and one surprise, if I could turn the clock back I would have had more.

Just wait till baby arrives because it will stop and will be followed by 18 years of 'helpful' parenting advice.

Your journey to get here has shown that you are patient, you are resilient, you can bounce back after the most difficult days, even when it seems hopeless.

Of course there'll be really tough moments but they will be interspersed with moments of utter joy and wonder and it will change all of the time.

Mothering a growing, changing baby is nowhere near as hard as what you have been through and survived.

I think people telling me how awful and hard and unrelentingly shit being a mum was weirdly helped. I’ve felt lucky as a result as my son is a joy. Still get “good baby? Wait til he’s two” He sailed through being two, now I’m getting “wait til he’s three and the threenager years”

Just take it one day at a time OP, once your baby is here. You may find it shit, you might not. Or even a mixture, but you are more than likely going to love it.

Every baby and every parent is unique imo. My sister was a member of the ‘just you wait brigade’. I never told her or my parents much about my children because of it, I visited, kept visits short and got on with my life. I had 3 under 5 because we wanted our children close together. I never judged friends who couldn’t get out of the house before 2 nor did I enter into conversations about how I managed to get out the house by 9/10am. I smiled and nodded an awful lot back then to avoid judgement from others.

Ignore, enjoy your baby and parent the way you see fit OP and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Beautiful 🙌🏼🤍

I think those who continually say how awful and hard parenting is are not very happy in their own lives.

I think comedycentral has a point.

First family holiday after an awful year and everyone was saying it would be awful - it was great - went back again.

Getting cats - all wider family were against it - second best thing we ever did - kids being first.

I'd never heard the term rainbow baby. In that case both my dcs are as mc before both.

Congratulations OP. I'm sure you'll be fine. All babies are different so no one knows what they'll get. Ds1 dreadful sleeper screamed lots but then a dream child and is as an adult. Ds2 perfect baby and is a perfect adult. Had blips but that's through anxiety but he's OK now thank goodness. Both have great jobs and friends.

Yes parenthood is worrying and the worries just change. Worth it though.

The thing is that mother of a young baby might continue to find parenting easy. The harsh truth is some people are better at parenting than others are. And I myself am middling.

Equally there was a post thread this morning about how no one warned her how hard parenting was! The truth is people do try to give bits of advice but many soon to be or early parents don’t want to listen.

I do laugh a bit in my head when a mum of 1 baby a few weeks old goes on about how easy parenting is, but I just let them get on with it. It’s not my place to enlighten them about how it could or might differ.

Ime the first child was the wrecking-ball that destroyed our carefully constructed adult life. DC2 just added to the general carnage 😂. Going from 1 to 2 wasn't a big jump for us though I know others who did find it hard.

Plus they're very very cute and hormones kick in.

I've always found this to be so annoying - everyone's experience of having kids is so different it really isn't relevant what someone else's experience was like.

What I can tell you is that being a mother is a unique and incredible experience.
It's more likely to be a mix of hard, brilliant, challenging, heartwarming, hilarious moments, all wrapped up in the most consuming type of love you'll ever know.

You definitely don't need to budget for a tablet, that's some pretty awful advice tbh. Neither of mine have ever had one but if you do decide to get one, presumably it won't be the minute she's born anyway - you'll have time to save for whatever you think she may need 🙂

Just wait for her first smile!!!! 😉

Some kids are easy, some are difficult. Some people find parenting easy, some people find it difficult.

The problem - and it's visible in several comments on this thread - is that some people generalise from their own particular situation and apply it to everyone else. Because THEY find having a newborn dead easy/hellish, the same must apply to everyone else and so forth...

The truth is that people differ in what they are capable of dealing with. Also you learn to parent the child you have, which is why people find other people's children harder to deal with.

I had a 'spirited' DC1 who would cause merry hell in public places when younger and I'd spend most of my time sprinting after them. Ran everywhere, climbed everywhere, touched everything. People commiserated with how hard it must be for me. But that child slept like a log and was good as gold at home - never whined, played independently, needed very little attention. My DC2 is a little ray of sunshine and good as gold in public - listens, follows instructions, never acts up, a cautious, careful child. But DC2 is a terrible sleeper and quite 'needy' (for want of a better word) at home, so that's tough to deal with.

You'll just develop to parent the child you get.

I agree OP, I’m also pregnant with my first and it’s really fucking annoying. It’s almost like people are trying to ensure I’m not too happy about the whole thing. I’m aware parenting is very hard, but if it’s so utterly shit and soul destroying like many people claim, why go on to have more than one?!

I expect they’re trying to be helpful but it’s a real shame. It’s such an exciting time, you should be able to enjoy it. Especially when a baby is wanted so much, they’re not telling you anything you don’t already know. All I can say is congratulations and enjoy this wonderful happy time.

@Barnabyby nobody's life is how it seems on social media. I post photos of when we have had a day out and a nice time. Of course I don't post photos of crying children, me doing the dishes, our house looking a tip, etc.

These sort of comments are not exclusive to parenting, why do we do it as a society, it's a strange form of conversation- seeing the negative.

Examples recently from my own life: I work from home now, never used to. People constantly pour water on how lonely it is, how I will gain weight, blah blah blah. I'm actually enjoying it for many reasons!

Holiday: oooh be careful there, my sisters aunties friends got terrible sunburn, the sand there isn't beautiful golden sand, the airport is a nightmare at this time of year. Yawwwn.

But over the years had so many similar conversations about pets, children, renting, buying, a fringe, investing, not investing. I could go on 😆

And it is obviously not true. I don't see mums walking around in rags, never able to buy a coffee or have a meal out, never able to go on holiday. Yes you have less disposable income, everyone knows that. It is the hyperbole I hate.

Reply with sarcastic over the top response like yeah I'll have to just sedate them to keep them quiet.

And then try to ignore them. Motherhood is the most joyful thing in the world. It can make you feel such love and pure happiness. So many songs, poems and stories have been written about it because of just how much deep pure happiness it can bring to your life. You have such love and joy ahead of you.

Blimey, aren't some people absolute thieves of joy?

I think I'd respond - in your place and with your previous sadness - with "Yep, can't wait for ALL of it!"

I see both sides to this.

On the one hand people can be incredibly negative unnecessarily, however on the other I do think parenting is often glamourised on social media and mums can often feel a bit rubbish if their experiences don't quite match what they see online.
This is why people can often be brutally honest about how shit being a parent can be, so it sort of makes everyone feel better if they're having a particularly bad day.

You can avoid them, but there will be some element of truth to some of it.

The "‘you’ll never have money again’." line winds me up. I know money is very important and good to have, but I feel the people who say this put money above absolutely everything. It's such a vacuous mindset.

Yeah, some people always like to ve negative

My kids have been a doddle to look after, now late teens