To avoid the ‘just wait’ brigade

Hi op,

she means well. As it is a relative, she thinks it is best that she tells you straight. So many people will tell you how « amazingly joyful » it is…only later to tell you that they found it hellish 🤣🤣

I would swap the « bad and warning comments » being good friends and the one « nive and oveely joyful » for more superficial relationships. I think you decided oppositely…don’t brush them off just yet! You might find that you need their advice if one of the thing they said is true for you…

that said…as they are open with you, just reciprocate :) « Thank you for your honesty, I feel I need a bit more happy prep though as it starts to get to me »…and then you will find out whom are your friends. The ones whom heard you. The ones whom don’t burden you with their own struggles at a times of vulnerability.

Good luck 🌺

Here's my thought. If they haven't lost a baby, they haven't got a bloody clue what you are going through. I was terrified all through my 2nd pregnancy. I couldn't bear another loss. But the moment she was here, the door closed on all that sorrow and grief. And I spent the next months completely blissed out, counting my blessings and thanking my lucky stars that it had worked this time. And that sustained me through everything. She wasn't that easy a baby, and was a challenging kid. Her sister was born with disabilities four years later, due to obstetric mismanagement. (Both in their 30s now and our pride and joy.) So ignore these people. Their journey is not like yours. They know nothing

Congratulations on your baby!

How horrible of people! I had IVF twins in my forties and nobody said anything like that! My DSis did lend me a 'how to raise a baby' book which was so brilliant and invaluable, I wish I could remember its name to recommend to others. But none of my siblings offered advice unless I asked, despite them all having children before I did.

FWIW, I had no problems with the C-section and although I had to bottle feed which wasn't my first choice - it did make things really easy. It was a hot summer and we spent most of the first few months either playing on a blanket in the garden, or them sleeping in a moses basket in the shade while I tidied the garden. Sleep deprivation only lasted a month or two.

I know all babies are different and I was lucky - but scaremongering before your LO is even here sounds like a competitive race to the bottom. Please don't let it spoil what should be an amazing and exciting time!

Think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick or I didn’t explain the situation properly. We didn’t have babies at the same time. She had hers some years before when she was living with her parents so had extra help. Course I wouldn’t say that to anyone who was struggling! Of course that would be smug.

I was a crumpled up half dead hysterical mess with a baby that didn't sleep, and people were doing that to me. I don't speak to them much now .

Me too. I had my SIL and MIL messaging constantly after my first was born saying how they know how I feel, it’s awful, the drudgery, the boredom, the crying etc.

I honestly didn’t know what they were talking about. I was having a whale of a time chilling with my baby, pottering around, I couldn’t have felt more content.

Because your friend was struggling and made a comment about what she couldn't do for herself. You show little empathy for her and just talk about you had no such trouble. Some babies don't fall into a routine.

These are comments from unhappy people. Their unhappiness might not even have anything to do with their kids. They're just choosing to focus on that and then to focus on you, pregnant woman, as a symbol of parenthood.

Some of the advice you get will be useful. Some of it won't. Some people will just want to wish the best for you and will say things like "enjoy your baby". Those, are the ones I remember, even now mine have grown.

Take what words work for you, discard the rest. And enjoy your baby 😉

Oh you’ll also get the “I know better” comments soon when babies here, from family members and friends who have had children already.

Some of the advice is meant kindly, again as I say advice does really help. Some will look down on you “oh god I wouldn’t do that… ”

Just say, thanks but that’s what we’re trying / doing 😊

You’ll never get away from the comments, and when your child gets older you’ll still get them.

You just have to accept the kind advice (trust me advice is very welcome!) and ignore the negativity.

People act like you have no idea what you’ve got yourself in for and act like how will you cope but you will…

Everyone told us kiss goodbye to our sleep, our DC slept through from 2 weeks old… 10 hours a night. Can’t remember the last time we did a night feeding.

Everyone told us say goodbye to the holidays, we don’t go as much but DC has been to about 3 countries now and he is still toddler.

A lot of parenthood is tough, there’s no denying some days are rough and exhausting. But everyone has a different baby, different experience.

I didn't even need to read past the title to know what this would be about. god I hated them. I vowed never to be like that when I'm older! You can only experience what you're going through right now!

Congrats on the baby

Amazing! I'm so happy for you,! I'm sure someone will come to piss on your chips but you keep loving motherhood!

For telling the truth? How does that make me smug?

Nobody ever made any such comments to me.

Congratulations op! 🙌💐

Personally I enjoyed my babies and didn’t find it particularly hard at all.

Yes.

I was lucky enough to be in this position also.

A friend of mine who also had a newborn asked what I did all day as they were bored.

I think that morning I'd spent about an hour cuddling & watching them sleep after feeding them😊😂

It's really tedious.

Well I will just say:

Just you wait until you have the perfect baby who sleeps through the night from just a few weeks old, smiles all the time, makes all the old ladies go "aaah" and grows into a lovely preschooler to primary school aged to tween to teen to adult child you enjoy spending time with.

And ignore all the advice. Just take the bits you like.

I quite like the response of a pp "it's ok I'll shove him in front of Eastenders" or whatever

Ours is three so a 2021 baby and as outgoing as can be, but we did end up under SALT for a speech delay, once he started play groups he was fine though, made me out to be a right fibber he did!

@Gowlett that's good to hear

Your sister may be feeling something similar from the opposite side - e.g. that you are judging her because her kids watch YouTube which is very easy to do until you've been there and it gave you a desperately needed 30 mins extra sleep in the morning

Just ignore them. We had family say these things to us when I was pregnant with our first. Then when we loved the baby stage, it was 'oh but wait til he's a toddler. Then when we enjoyed that and I was pregnant with our second, it's was 'oh wait til you've got two to cope with'. We still loved it, so then it was 'wait til they're blah blah blah'. It continued til our kids were teens and were still great kids and we were still happy. Then these relatives finally shut up. My brother in particular seemed disappointed that we have enjoyed being parents and that our kids didn't go off the rails at any point.

I think people say it because having child is one of the most life altering things you can choose to do. Most people have no idea how much until it happens. I was completely unprepared for the reality vs my imagination of having a baby. They all want to share that experience with the uninitiated!

I loved the baby and toddler stages with mine. It's hard at times but everything is a stage and once you settle to being a parent then you just grow as a parent alongside the child. A bad stage doesn't last long.

Stick with MN OP. Trust me, this is only the beginning of unwanted input from others.

I would say trust your instincts. Listen to advice that makes sense to you, and not worry too much. I got so twisted into knots with worry when my DC1 was born. I was always comparing myself to others and him to others. I went to ALL the baby groups (mistake- there was always a Queen Bee who had to lord it over everyone with her superior parenting and also loads of children who just did things differently to mine and I would panic and worry and google).

You are going to be fine. Shut down unwanted conversations 'Right now I am trying to focus on our excitement so please don't piss on my chips' or a more polite variation of that may work.

@Smurf1993 my wanted, cherished baby nearly broke me. Fortunately my own mother had a similar experience (I got my comeuppance ) and so I was prepared but I don't pull any punches when discussing the baby years because I don't think it does women any favours to pretend early motherhood is all snuggles and bonding.

People are full of doom. Just ignore, yes it’s hard but we wouldn’t do it multiple times if the benefits didn’t outweigh the hard days

I remember this. When I was expecting my first baby some people (mainly family members) went on and on delightedly as if they couldn’t wait for it all to be awful.

They all eventually shut up with the know it all comments when my ‘second’ baby was twins and I ended up with 3 under 3yrs. Nothing further unhelpful to add I guess, since I overtook them all in that situation

Nevertheless I’ve always been careful never to say anything like it to another new mum. You’ll find your own way and it will be fine. Just ignore them all. Good luck ! 😊