To avoid the ‘just wait’ brigade

I'm sorry you had such a difficult experience and I can see where you're coming from that everyone else saying how wonderful it is when you're struggling can make you feel worse, however when you're really struggling someone saying "just you wait" it will only get worse is going to be equally damaging and make people dread the future when they should be looking forward to it.

So while acknowledging the difficult parts is helpful, it is completely inappropriate to pile on with just you wait from all angles which is what the thread is about.

People can very much win by just not saying negative things to pregnant women and young mothers unless asked.

Everyone says how annoying it is but then we all unintentionally become one of those people!
I think parenting brings about feelings that no one can actually prepare you for both very positive but also on occasion very negative reasons. Sometimes it can be hard to put into words and you find yourself saying “just wait…” because it’s hard to even describe it until you have felt it and once you get there you’ll know exactly what they were trying to tell you. I don’t think it’s with malice at all. You’ll probably catch yourself saying it sometime in the future and you’ll have a little laugh to yourself.

Oh those people are absolutely the worst. Unfortunately they don't tend to stop when the baby is born. They're miseries who want to drag everyone else down with them.

When you're the target, all you can really do is cut the conversation short by either forcing a subject change or just leaving the conversation. Don't rise to it or contradict them, they won't listen to you as they've decided they know it all.

But when you see people doing it to others in future, speak up! There was a real misery at playgroup who always told the mums with tiny babies that everything got worse once they could move and have their own opinions. Basically their child was an inconvenience once they weren't a potato. I always made a point of joining it and sharing all the wonderful things about that age/stage and beyond.

(I wouldn’t have done it if this woman was just mentioning a struggle she had, but she was definitely a “just you wait”-er who enjoyed scaring others because she did it constantly and gleefully).

I don't have any advice but I like the phrase "just wait" brigade, never noticed this one before but i will now!
I always talk about the 'they say" brigade... "they say you should always/never/sometimes [insert unasked for advice here]". 'They" have been saying something different for decades!

When the next naysayer speaks ask them "are there moments of pure joy that they didn't expect"?

As much as I love being a mother and it really is the best thing I ever did - and I lived a very fulfilling life prior to this - I must say some of the very starry eyed reflections on motherhood here, as lovely and true as they can be sometimes, would have been more damaging to me in the newborn day as I didn’t experience this baby bubble so many talk about. I had a pretty horrendous birth experience and newborn period and actually hearing from others that I wasn’t alone in feeling the way I did made things slightly better. Just a different perspective. So I don’t think people can win sometimes.

I will pass on the ONLY relevant wisdom I got given when mine was small...from a little old lady total stranger ...

"Your baby's eyebrows are turning red - that means they need a nap".

And, even when they didn't seem sleepy it worked!

You just need to say thanks then totally ignore any advice you choose and especially ignore those who are full of portents of doom!

@squashedsandwich just wait till you discover how much incredible LOVE you have for your baby. However much you loved your Mum, your grandparents, your darlising sibling, your life partner, NOTHING will compare to this. Your heart will be full.

Just wait, in a few years you will be the one saying just wait ... Even if you don't say you wil be thinking it 😁 Mother of teens here.
The new one I hear now is that you NEVER stop worrying. From the moms of 30 years olds! And I just know it is going to turn up to be true too
Welcome to being a parent
It is still worderfull.
All the best for you and your baby

I remember feeling a little bewildered by these comments when I was pregnant – long time ago.

Once I’d had the baby I totally got them.

You’re being oversensitive and as many others have said get used to it because it won’t get any better in terms of comments from others forevermore.

for every person on here going how marvellous it is waking up every day with a baby there’s another oncewho found it all misery and you just don’t know which one you’re going to be until you get there… Fir most people it’s mixed emotions but motherhood is generally not a hallmark card and it’s good to know that in advance

It’a a pain when people say stupid things about your pregnancy - it’s not like you can change it.
My mum was a lovely, positive lady and I’ll always remember what she said when I was pregnant;
Having a baby is like falling in love every day. Ignore all the moany negative people and shit comments. Congratulations 😊

Misery loves company. A lot of people hate parenthood and regret doing it and feel overwhelming schadenfreude when they see someone who (as they see it) will soon be joining them in the suffering. (These same people are often vicious to the childfree-by-choice who they see as having unfairly ducked out of their proper share of suffering).

It's kind of like how the least-happily attached are always on the case of the single about when they're going to get married.

Completely agree OP. I hated this too.

I was terrified of having a child and spent most of my life not wanting any, but it's been the best thing I've ever done. I absolutely love being around my son and although it's exceptionally hard sometimes, he gives me this complete feeling of contentment and inner peace. I wish I'd known how much I'd love it. If I had the years left and money to give them a good life, I'd happily have a few more.

Weirdly, when you tell people you don't want children they are desperate to tell you why you will or should change your mind. Once pregnant there's a sudden switch where suddenly everyone is like "haha tricked you. Being a parent is awful. Welcome to hell."

I'm wary of sounding like I am dismissing peoples experiences which have been really hard but I've found it much better than all of the awful stories I was told.

The part I struggled most with was the newborn stage as my son had some health problems and it gave me extreme anxiety. I was not doing well mentally and people I considered friends would laugh and say "just you wait. This is the easiest it will ever be." That wasn't true at all. Things got so much better and having a toddler makes me laugh every day. It was a very dark time and I feel sad that so many people only cared about telling me how much worse life would get.

People seem to get annoyed when I mention how much I love life with a toddler. They like to tell me how much worse it gets when they reach (any age older than he is now). Maybe it will. I'm sure there are going to be lots of stages that are harder than others. But I'd go through a million dark newborn stages to have him.

Again, I'm not saying it's easy. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. But I also enjoy it and find more happiness in it than anything else I've ever done.

People love to do this. When I hear people say just you wait until they are teenagers I delight in telling them by 19 and 16yr olds have never given me a days trouble. Yes parenting is hard, but it’s just so rewarding. I often complain sometimes that I’ve never known an adult life where I can put myself first as I’m 47 and my eldest is 30, youngest 16 and so my kids always come first. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was thinking last night this is my last summer with 19yr old DS living at home with me as he will be living with his girlfriend next summer and it made me want to rewind and start all over again. Seriously ignore them, they are just people that like to spread doom and gloom. I tell people that of course parenting is hard but there’s nothing like that moment holding your baby in your arms and feeling an overwhelming sense of love and pride. All the best

Firstly and most importantly, congratulations on your rainbow baby, you must be thrilled and you’ve every right to be as excited as you are, you deserve this.

Furthermore, tell anyone you want to fuck off - they’ll only blame it on the hormones anyway and when you’re no longer pregnant you won’t have to deal with them as they’ll be too busy being offended (two birds with one stone) so you won’t have to deal with unhelpful wankers postpartum.

My little miracle turns four in two weeks, I’m still waiting for everything they said she’d be. She was out in less than 2 hours and has been a dream since birth. Unicorn kids do exist (I’m a very chill parent and quite 90’s in my style of parenting despite being 31)

I remind people of what they said, regularly. Because I’m a passive aggressive bitch and I’m still proving the point that they don’t need to wait for me to be pregnant to be rude in response to their shit.

good luck ❤️

That's just the loveliest post I've read in a long time. Motherhood can be hard, of course it can, but it can also be lovely, and as long as we acknowledge both it's healthy.

Just wait... you will have your baby and as my husband said to me, it is like having a Christmas present every day. The joy a baby can bring is undescribable. Sometimes that present can be unexpected and not what you thought you were going to get, but you adapt and are grateful for what you received because of love. There are tiring parts and my toddler daughter used to knock on the wall and shout will you get in bed with me. Do I wish I could revisit this, absolutely. I am so happy for you and your husband. As you work physically through the tiredness of the initial days, you will find the rhythm of what suits you and your baby and new routines will enable you to find a new version of family which includes this new wonderful member that surprises and delights you every day x I am sending all the love in the world.

Yes it’s annoying. And I’m certain in a few years you’ll end up doing just the same!

Dont sweat it - it comes with the parenting territory. Just treat advice as advice and not instruction and you’ll be fine. And congrats!

YANBU, it’s absolutely tedious and not remotely helpful when people do this.

You are right that it’s only ever negatives! Nobody ever says just wait for that first smile, or just wait til you see them for the first time and realise that OF COURSE it was this baby, you’ve been waiting for them all your life, or just wait until you fall in love with a whole new facet of your partner as he becomes a dad in front of your eyes, or just wait until you bring them home and have that breath-held magic of sitting in your own home with your baby in your arms, or just wait until you’re hanging their first stocking and feeling all over again how magic Christmas can be, or just wait for their first bath when they smell of heaven and are so soft and snuggled, or just wait for when they cuddle you back and your heart explodes, or just wait for the first time you take them out in the buggy thinking you’ll die of pride, or just wait til you discover how strong you are, or just wait til you discover the infinite reserves of love you have to give.

Of course it will be hard and tiring and undo the laces of your life and tie them up completely anew but the hard is so comprehensively dwarfed by the magic. Just wait til you find out just how good it truly is ♥️

@SpiritOfEcstasy my issue is that she laughed at you. I just don't understand that mentality. A pregnant woman has either decided to get pregnant, or got pregnant accidentally and decided to keep it. What good is it doing to laugh in her face and say "oh just wait, shit is about to hit the fan"! I experienced that a lot, at one family event I had 4 or 5 couples laughing in my face, "oh just wait, you will never sleep again".... I ended up just sitting there not responding to anybody because I had nothing to say to any of them!

I will say that when I was pregnant with DD1, someone asked me me if this was my first baby. When I said yes she laughed. I asked her what was so funny and she said ‘well…it’s a bit like Alice going down the rabbit hole really. NOTHING will ever be the same again and you have no idea what to expect’. Like you OP - my inside voice was telling her to go away in not such a polite way. I wasn’t naive! I knew what to expect. Almost sixteen years later … if I met that woman again I’d shake her hand. Never truer words spoken 😂

Ahh do you know what, some people are just dicks for the sake of it. I’ve got twins and it was a struggle in the early days, I remember people saying ‘oh it will get harder’. Well it hasn’t, it has got much easier and they are the most lovely boys to be around. Yeah there will be difficult stages when they’re teens but I’m not sure why people have to be so doom and gloom about everything. Enjoy your baby x

Id just ignore them, having an baby is an amazing time in your life, and congrats so happy for you and wish you the best xx

I used to find this so annoying too. In fact the negativity from parents about their children stopped me from having kids until I was 37 and boy do I regret it. I’m telling you having kids is the most amazing thing in the world, I don’t care how tiring it can be and how non stop it is, they are so worth it and I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s coming from a single mom of a 5 and 6 year old who rarely gets a break.
believe me you are about to embark on the most amazing time of your life. Ignore the negativity and embrace every second. Congrats

Huge congratulations! I just used to say at the start of a catch up with such people “Please can we talk about anything other than babies?” I would have loved to have talk about babies but these comments are inevitably said. They didn’t bother me that much tbf. They are all true though and I also thought I’d never use a screen.