To be really honest about what I need while he's away

My now husband went away for 12 weeks to camp American around a similar time (5 months in). I got 2 phone calls in the entire time 😂😂😂. It was the early 2000’s but I coped and hand wrote letters to him as he didn’t have internet access (remember those days!).

you’ll cope is my point… the recent expectations of connection and communication are sometimes totally unreasonable but are that way because it is more accessible.

you've had a conversation, he has managed your expectations, you know he will be busy and you will be visiting. If you hadn’t discussed then that would be a problem.

i love the idea of picture texts but don’t specify how many a day - it will be the mental workload alongside the running about that will be exhausting. During the time he is away catch up with friends, have some self care around work but do cut him some slack. If he is a keeper he needs to do this to grow his business.

Absolutely this. I feel sorry for him, that he has felt the need for this conversation. Poor soul. When my DP worked off shore I got a weekly call. If one of us went away, a post card arrived after they got home 🤣 Lighten up OP, do your own thing.

Okay, so he's been trained by a prevoius girlfriend to be nervous. Great, you just say, "oh, I know, you're busy. Message me when you can- a daily message so I know you're alive and thinking of me is great. If we're both online at the same time, brilliant, but with timezones I know that might not happen a lot! Oh , and send pictures! xx"

It isn't about you being pushy or clingy OP, but he's working, and in a different time. He's financing his own trip so will want to make the best use of every day.

He'll probably be tied up between 3am UK time and 2pm. So you could reasonably expect a quick call at 2pm before he goes out to eat or maybe 7ish before he sleeps.

Even when you are in India, he'll likely have meetings so it's good you have friends out there to spend time with.

People who have the drive to set up their own companies are usually very hard working and absorbed so this will be a good chance for you to see how he is likely to behave in future.

My DH goes away a lot and has very busy, long days. He'll start early then have meetings all day. Usually have about 20 mins to freshen up then a long working dinner.
We usually don't have calls (maybe one call every few days). To be honest, I don't mind as I don't particularly enjoy phone calls!
However he'll text maybe a few times a day. Just a few words "How's your day going?", "I'm exhausted", photo of his breakfast - that kind of thing!
It only takes a few seconds but it makes me feel like we're in touch and that he's thinking of me.
If you're partner can do the same it won't take more than a few minutes a day but you'll feel better for it.
I certainly wouldn't expect lots of calls. Often there's not much downtime and when there is, they need a bit of quiet after talking all day.

I agree I'm afraid. You've hardly been together any time at all. Just don't think about expectations and go with the flow. If each of you does their own thing just see how it is when he gets back. You or he may or may not feel differently anyway. He's going to be away for nearly a third of the time you've been together. I wouldn't be flying out there either.

My DH and I started dating 6 weeks before he went to work in the US for a year. We’ve been married for over 30 years. During this time he’s worked away frequently. Time differences do make phoning more than once a day a bit difficult. I wouldn’t really expect more than that, but it’s similar at home because we’d only be in touch during working hours if it was something important about DC or aged parents.

Right, so you’ve answered your own question, without taking to the internet!

I think he's explained the situation very well tbh. You cannot really push for more without sounding a bit needy. Hopefully his plans all work out.

When DH is working and travelling and very busy, it's more about me knowing he's safe.

So a good morning message, he usually messages/calls in the break after work before food, and lastly a message to know he's safe at hotel for the night.

I worked an international job for 7 years.

I'd call home every evening even if only for 5 mins, just to touch base, check everything was ok and deal with any problems.

That's fairly standard among my colleagues, if only for safety's sake. Missed contact is an indicator something might be amiss.

Do and I always text goodnight last thing when we're apart. Timezones can make this odd sometimes! Anything more than that is a bonus if it's a work trip.

I have to say, I agree this is a bit of overthinking. With time differences and general busyness, the chances are that realtime chats are likely to be fairly few and far between. But the joy of whatsapp or text is that he can text you in the morning while he's getting ready for the day. You then text him a bit later and he might not be abl eto respond but thats fine.

I find even just when DH went away with a few friends last year, we had plenty of communication, but very little in real time. Our schedules just didn't align. He was sleeping in and going to bed very late and I was here working, doing kids stuff etc. So he'd send pictures and text etc, but often at times I was sleeping or rushing around with the DC and when I was sitting on the couch in the evening he was out for ddrinks and dinner so he wans't replying then. it was fine.

It is not reasonable to expect a FaceTime every evening when he is a way for work. He will be staying with his business partner, they will be driving a lot, out for dinner and business meetings. Plus time difference. I would let me concentrate on his job. I would say some texts every couple days or a call once a week would be reasonable in this situation, I would not expect or want a daily contact. Make the best of this time for yourself!! Make plans with your friends, do what you wanted to do, with so much time for yourself!

It’s really only less than 3 weeks low contact either side of flying out, although I think to go to India for a week is nuts.
I’d definitely let him get on with it, chill out and leave him be.
He’ll be back less than 3 weeks after op sees him anyway.

It is not your (very new) partner's responsibility to help you manage your uncomfortable feelings.

WhatsApp is good for sharing photos and voice notes

I hope you have made plans for the week of your visit. It sounds like you'll be hoping he'll take time to show you around, but his priority will be the business meetings

I think you both need to quantify more, does he mean he won’t be whatsapping all day but FaceTime you each eve- lovely great! Or does he mean he will sent one text a week- not ok. Need to be a bit more specific I think!

The whole thing seems a tad dysfunctional. I’ve had kids go away for a month for work and never heard from them. I did say a call once a week to know you are okay would be nice but on never getting anything I’m told they are busy and if something was wrong someone would call DH/me as we are in an emergency contacts list🤣🤣🤣. I certainly wouldn’t be expecting any contact from a boyfriend of 5 months who is only away for 6 weeks and supposedly flat out with work in that time. Also, if this is the case, why on earth would you go visit them during this? They are there for a reason with work, not sightseeing where you could pop along, and it’s only 6 weeks.

I like to go on holidays sightseeing, DH can’t stand it so I leave him at home for those holidays. He likes holidays associated with a hobby I can’t stand so no way I’m joining him on those. We would go well over a week without any communication at all when we go on separate holidays at different times and that’s people off on a jolly, not flat out working hard! If he rang I’d panic as presume the house had burnt down or one of the kids was very sick/in an accident and the odd texts we send are ‘trying to pay car rego but can’t find the mail with details, was it sent to you, can you look and let me know’ or ‘where’s the general cleaning refill, we had 10l of it and I can’t find it, we can’t have used it and I dont want to get more as I’m sure we must still have a full one, did you put it somewhere’. Or, should I send a pic of a lovely sunset I will get the response ‘nice. not worth an 8hr plane trip though.’

Is it that you think he may cheat or leave or something that you’d need to check in frequently and even visit him while he’s only away for 6 weeks?

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way OP but you sound a bit intense, even though you insist that you are not.
He is travelling for 6 weeks for work, and he has told you that he will not be able to communicate as frequently as you are doing now. That’s a perfectly reasonable. It means that the communication will be different (possibly text instead of a call), and all of this makes sense. I second what others have said about visiting him on his work trip. Please reconsider this and keep in mind that he is away for work and not on holiday. Even if you visit he will have little time and you would end up spending a lot of time on your own.
It’s 6 weeks, not 6 months.

He hasn’t said he won’t have time to ‘fit her in at all’, he has said he won’t be in contact as much as they are now, that it will be less. Not non-existent, just reduced.

She has said they talk ‘multiple times a day’ at the moment, he’s just letting her know that won’t be possible while he’s away.

The fact he has had to make a point of telling her this suggests she is quite a frequent texter/caller and he feels he has to manage her expectations to avoid disharmony. I’d be reflecting on that if I were the op.