To be really honest about what I need while he's away

Way too early to worry about it. Say nothing and see how it unfolds. 3 and 2 weeks with one with you is hardly an extensive break. If you say anything it makes you sound insecure and rushing things.

I think in your situation, I'd make it clear that just a whatsapp/text most days to let you know he's alive etc, will do.

Be very specific, you're NOT looking for a real-time conversation/phone call... I think when people say 'I haven't got time' they do not mean 'I haven't got time to drop you a Whatsapp saying 'im here, itls hot, how are ya?'

They're saying they don't have time to facetime, have a real-time chat about all sorts, and they're worried a brief whatsapp/text makes the recipient think they are available for that, which will then lead to awkwardness and upset as they're not.

He sounds like a very emotionally intelligent man who cares about your feelings. All I can suggest is to be open & honest, there is nothing wrong with having a rough idea on how often he feels he can communicate. You sound like a reasonable person who understands his work commitment & isn’t expecting constant contact.

As for everyone calling you clingy & saying you need to calm down & shouldn’t be expecting anything - if I had been with someone for 5 months & they didn’t give two hoots about not speaking to me for 6 weeks I would be reassessing things, I would also be questioning my feelings if I didn’t care either 😂

You say you speak multiple times a day just now so i would simply ask him what his idea of less communication looks like to start with. If it means only once or twice a day i think that is more than reasonable given time differences etc. If he means less than this then you just need to be honest about your expectations

All these brutal posts calling her needy etc are awful! If you’re used to speaking to someone multiple times a day consistently for 5 months then this will clearly be a big change, stop trying to shame her for having completely normal feelings.

I wouldn’t bother visiting given you haven’t been together long plus the fact he said he will be so busy, seems a waste of money and time to go out there
see what happens when he gets back x

You've only been together for 5 months! He'll be busy: he's explained this thoroughly. If he's thinking about you, he'll be in contact.

YABU. You do actually sound a bit needy.

Make sure you've got something to keep you very busy while he's away!

Blimey, this poor chap!
He's only going for 6 weeks and he'll be super busy.
Why do you have to set out any "needs"? What's wrong with saying "I hope it all goes really well, and I'm looking forward to seeing you when you get back"?

Time difference can make it difficult. Ask him to send you a voice note when he’s getting ready in the morning and you do the same.

^ this

you’re future faking yourself @rodeoson

you wave him off, say have a great time, catch you at some point and see you in a few weeks.

I think we should all just adopt “lover”. Or, as mumsnet would have it, DL.

Haha this is mumsnet! 🤣

If my husband demanded I contact every day when I say I am busy I would say every few days is fair

No I would not feel the need to contact him every night just because he has issues, so if it was reversed I would not expect this of him

No matter how busy he is work wise he will still be going back to his hotel/accommodation every night to sleep. There’s no excuse for him to not be expected to catch up with you before bed.

Yes some nights he might be too tired for a long FaceTime or phone call but a goodnight catch up message with photos and questions for you to reply to is a reasonable level of communication.

The perception that you were being ‘pushy and clingy’ came from what you posted/didn’t post on here. You said he said he was going to be too busy to communicate much when away. You’re the one who called him your partner when you’ve been seeing one another for only five months. You’re the one posting on the internet about whether you’re unreasonable to get him to agree on some kind of comms schedule.

OP I don't think you sound pushy/clingy. It's natural to wonder how this long trip will affect your very new relationship

It’s 6 weeks. 6 weeks. Not 6 months which would be in ‘long trip’ category and anything 3-6mths would be on the longer side of short. Up to 12weeks is pretty much the blink of an eye in the scheme of things.

I’m lucky to get one text a day when husband is away with work.
I never msg him when I’m away unless it’s a question re the kids.
I think you get used to it after a few times and just accept that it’s a busy time for the other person.

DH has to travel a bit for work, he records video messages for DD and we will find a ten minute slot where we can chat or sometime it’s just a whatsapp.

If I were him I’d be really put off if someone I was seeing decided they were going to fly out to see me while I was working. They would be getting in my way tbh and most likely I’d see them in the morning and in the evening. You are overthinking stuff, a few messages, some facetiming etc is fine.

what do you think is going to happen if you don’t go out to see him or he isn’t in regular contact?

I would see how it goes. He might well be in touch more than he says anyway (probably will I think!) - let that be the reason you talk more rather than making contact with you a duty? Not a great dynamic yo set up that early in relationship i think. You can always express that later on but i would give it a chance first and see what actually happens

I also agree that for lots of people when working away and working hard their mind is fully on the job- so don’t take it personally if he’s not in touch 2/3 times a day- just enjoy your own summer and see how things go.

OP I don't think you sound pushy/clingy. It's natural to wonder how this long trip will affect your very new relationship. There is a book always recommended on MN called why men love bitches- I read it out of curiosity and it has great advice on situations like this. The advice would be not to ask for anything but just very breezily and casually state your expectations "I'm sure you'll have time for a quick check- in message at some point in the day" then leave it there and see how he acts. As others have said, if he has time to eat/wee he has time to send a quick hi each day. I liked a pps suggestion of leaving each other quick voice notes to narrate how your days went if its difficult to schedule calls. You could model that by starting it (again without directly asking for anything). It sounds like he is great and you've got nothing to worry about, so hopefully the trip will confirm that

You did seem a bit clingy though, calling him a partner when you've been together 5 months and talking about what you need him from him whilst he's away for a few weeks.

If you had said your boyfriend was doing this he would have got the same response.

I suspect if you over engineer it it will become a chore.

It might sound petty but I think I would make it clear that I won’t be waiting around for him- if he says that he’s likely to be busy just respond likewise, yeah babe I know, me too, I don’t think I’ll catch a breath until September.

I think this is an excellent chance for him to see if he misses you and you to see how much/ if you miss him. I’d definitely be dropping him chatty/ funny messages occasionally just letting him know what I’ve been up to (ideally with many handsome guys about), but leaving it to him to be in touch with me. If the instinct isn’t there then you can learn from that.

I know he had a very demanding ex girlfriend and I think likely she would've needed managing in this way, which is maybe why he took this approach with me.

🤮 beware the man who talks about “demanding” girlfriends that they’ve “managed”. You sound very young.