My Dad expects me to help him at his work during the summer holidays

I think your dad is being totally unreasonable.

If you see the post I made just after that one, you'll see I have exactly that situation with my DS, so yes indeed

Why does she need to pay market rent? She is living at home with her parents and the only part she is responsible for is 1/3 of the total cost of running a household. Her parents aren't paying "market rent" for their own house but they are not required to "chip in" for free at the OP's school on their holidays.

I'm wondering what the risk implications could be toward the business, your father and you - if you do any volunteer work for the business without some sort of legal recognition by the business. It might be worth it for him to check with, idk, his accountant. Maybe a formal volunteer contract or a token minimum wage to ensure the business insurance will cover your actions as an employee? Otherwise, it's kinda nice he wants to spend more time with you over the summer - assuming you really have no other plans. It's a bit OTT for him to assume you have zero plans but you'll know best whether he means it kindly or not, even if you think he's talking to you like you're still in your teens. Kids will always be kids in their parents' eyes, to some extent. And not in a bad way; just in a... "I want my kid to be happy and not bored over summer" way.

I wonder if the same would be expected of a male with "time on his hands"

I don't agree with the idea of pay being necessary - I don't think family life should be so transactional. When I lived at home, I wouldn't pay my dad for a lift somewhere because he isn't a taxi and he didn't pay me for helping out in his business.

I’m fully expecting the op to come back and say she’s paying £50 a month or something 🫣

if they are heavily subsidising you all year , I think the right thing to do is help out .

if you are paying market price for your room , plus utilities and doing your own washing and cleaning and cooking, then I would say that it’s up to you to decide what to do with your time

I do echo others - it might be time to move out

Time to move out, OP. He surely cannot think that he has this kind of call on your time?

It's your six week summer holiday - aren't you planning to do something with it other than mill around at your parents?

You've got no big responsibilities - go travel somewhere cheaply for the summer. Cheap flight to somewhere off the beaten track in Spain, hostels and bus travel to get around.

And move out when you get home. Move into a flatshare with other people of a similar age.

So he expects you never to take any time off work? ever?

Teaching does sound rather stressful and like everyone else you need to take holidays from work every year.

So maybe compromise and make it clear you will be having 3 weeks off holiday to recharge and then you can help with with his business after that although you expect to be paid at least minimum wage.

In the long term you need to move out and be independent.

I think this is controlling. Is he offering to pay you? I would say that the holidays are your annual holiday and as a teacher you need that time to decompress. Suggest that you might be able to help him out on mutually agreed dates but he can't take it for granted. Are you in a position to move out and live independently soon?

You are paid for the holidays and if you still cover your rent it is none of his business what you do with your time off. Sounds like he is having difficulty transitioning from parent child relationship to an adult relationship. If you have ASD does he understand how situations like this can cause you anxiety?

I think it's probably this. My youngest DS works PT, he has "enough" money because only pays a token amount of keep, and he works PT because of some MH issues.

I'm happy for him to live a fairly relaxed life for now, while he recovers, but equally having him sitting around all day while I'm slogging to keep a roof over his head is not good for either of us. If he was using the time to do something beneficial, I'd feel differently, but as it is I find him jobs to do, mainly for his own wellbeing.

Also I question whether OP is a teacher or works in school in another role. Teachers do get paid for the holidays, it's support staff who don't.

Are you paying market rent or are they subsidising you?

I would feel a bit of a twat watching my dad go off to work every day to pay the household bills while I paid 50p a week and lay about for 13 weeks a year. On the other hand if my adult child was paying market rent then I wouldn’t expect them to help me out for free. We do have a family business - everyone pitches in but everyone is also financially dependent on it (my oldest 2 are uni age and are “topped up” to max loan by me). Everyone gets paid for the hours they do. They help out when the work needs doing, such as covering other staff holidays or sickness, or because there is extra work to do. Not because I think they will be bored.

The dynamic doesn’t sound particularly healthy - often our parents are the last people we have an adult relationship with and it very much sounds like you are stuck in a young teen/authoritative parent place - possibly that is his fault but equally if you are acting like a younger person (being on “summer holiday”, not being able to put your point across, not realising that not liking confrontation is not something specific to you) then you are contributing to the dynamic. Maybe moving out would benefit your relationship.

He has no right to dictate what you do with your time off work. You wouldn’t be telling him what he can or cannot do on his days off and the same applies the other way round.

This ^
try this one first. Ask him this and wait for his answer.
Where is your mum in this dispute?

I agree with everyone else - with just one exception. If you are paying below market rate and not helping around the house, then yes, your Dad is fair enough to be asking for help.

But if you share the housework load and pay your way, your dad can jog on.

Do you benefit from the business? Will you inherit anything from it? Do you have siblings working in the business?

It's not all cut and dried when it comes to a family business.

Apologies, I missed the "free of charge" bit.

No wages, no work.

The slave trade ended long ago.

This. And then do a bit of tutoring.

How much money are you paying to your parents each week?

Maybe you're not covering your costs adequately and he's feeling annoyed that you get your arse around for 6 weeks whilst he's still working his butt off?

"My Dad is very insistent on the fact that the school holidays for me are not holidays but that I am unemployed because I do not get paid in the holidays"

If he's not planning to pay you either then what's the difference?

I wonder if you need to have an honest conversation with your parents about this. If you are lounging around the house not doing much for two months then yes, that would be very annoying as a parent so I can understand why your dad might want to impose some structure on you.

Is there a reason that you are a supply teacher and not in a full-time contract? Do your parents perhaps think you are lacking ambition and independence?

You need to move out.

You could say "Thanks for the offer, Dad, but I'd rather find some paid employment for the summer."

Although tbh I'd help him out if he needs help, a couple of days a week is not much and I expect your rent is nowhere near market rate?

A one off bit of help with something is one thing, but 2 days a week is being an employee. Point out that, legally, if you work for him he has to pay you nmw. Offer to help him submit the rti return to show you as an employee so everything is above board. If he's really offering work because be things you'll be bored/need the income then he should be OK with that.

If it's about you having money can you claim universal credit to cover the holidays while you have no work, or advertise tutoring.