Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

In his defence, my son's girlfriend has long thick black hair, and it's literally everywhere. I can't stand hairs on things. But I would never tell her this because I wouldn't want to upset her. But I wish she would tie it up x

I have white tiled floors in places. My SIL and her DDs have thick, long brown hair and they NEVER tie it up. It enrages me that they leave their hair behind when they visit, and I have to vacuum like their bloody maid. Long strands of curly thick hair, meaning I can’t walk barefoot in my own home. I’ve asked her to keep all their hair tied up when they visit my house, which was like a red rag to a bull: she ensures they all have their hair down at all times now, girls with elaborate half up-dos. If she weren’t married to my lovely brother, she’d never cross my threshold again. I’m this close to asking him to vacuum my floors before they all leave. Seriously.

It’s your boyfriend’s flat. And yes you can help it: tie it up. It’s so disgusting finding someone else’s hair in your home, and so disrespectful just expecting someone to deal with it when it needn’t be that way. Tie it up. Solves all the problems. If you want to be free to shed hair everywhere, do it elsewhere. He’s asked you nicely to respect his space, you’re the red flag for getting the hump at him doing that.

I don’t know how hair just lies around or is on the sofa or bedding, I put mine in the bin when it falls out. Or in the shower just catch it and put it in the bin. (Waist length hair too).

Well it does because they can't be together if that's the case.

Buy him bicarbonate of soda and white vinegar to unblock sinks. I think maybe he needs a better vacuum maybe. I don't think he was been mean .

It just always amuses me how much people on here tie themselves in knots trying to find reasons for/justify weird or shitty behaviour.

It's one of many possibilities @MarkWithaC, which aren't 'dump him, he's a controlling twat!!' I'm sure you could see the point that I was making: he may have reasons that aren't obvious, so probably best to have a chat with him.

I’d say it was a bit of a red flag! Sorry op!

I think in a fairly new relationship he should be willing to climb mountains to see you. And yet he’s more worried about his carpet?

Yes, that's highly likely...

As you're shedding and leaving hair all over his home, it's polite to minimise that. You don't need to have it loose all the time. Hundreds of different ways to plait, braid or tie up hair.

I wonder if it's also he likes to see your face/neck and thinks you're hiding under your hair?

My friend used to have very long, thick hair she always wore loose. I asked her to wear it up in my home as I was tired of hair all over the carpet and sofa when she stayed. And it really irritated me when she flicked it around or over her shoulder, getting it in my face. She was a bit cross but understood.

I guess he's doing all the vacuuming and dusting as it's his home? Lovely as your hair sounds, i'm sure it's less lovely stuck to bedsheets.

Could it also be the smell? Long thick hair tends to absorb odours when down, like cooking smells or the smell of shops, workplaces?

Already mentioned in my post at 15.16 !!

I don't think he's being that unreasonable, honestly.

I'd ask him at what point in the relationship he'd be willing to get over his squeamishness, because if you ever end up living together, will he expect you to wear your hair up forever? It's a rude request, and I'd find it annoying.

He may not have thought it through/not understand the implications, and have simply spent time cutting hair off his hoover roller in a way he's never had to do before. All he's done is ask her to do something, please.

Not sure if I missed the answer to this, but does he live alone?

Just wondering if this could be coming from an annoyed housemate and he doesn't want to tell you that they're whinging at him

If this is a new relationship, just bin him & move on

Wow.

Him: Could you wear your hair up please, love? It's getting everywhere!
OP: IT'S OVER!!!!

Perhaps a bit more discussion?

I don't see how you could ever live together if this is his attitude.

Well your dad made you. He doesn't have a choice. Your boyfriend however does.

Also, your hair length is a choice. You could cut it. You don't want to, and so shouldn't be made to. But it's still an active choice. Short, it'll still shed but less annoyance of having long hairs everywhere that are more noticeable.

It's just one of those things really. Everyone does things that will potentially annoy others. If the annoyance aren't enough you're incompatible.

Just tell him tying won't make it any better.

If this is a new relationship, just bin him & move on.
I have long thick hair, it sheds loads, its not ideal, it clogs the hoover, I have to unclog the shower drain regularly despite preventative measures.
It was absolutely insane when I had my post partum hair loss.
If he can't handle it now and get over it, then he'll be even more of a nuisance about it in the future.
You can't help you hair shedding & I wouldn't want to wear my hair up constantly either, the thickness/weight of it actually gives me a headache if I tie it up for long periods of time.
I still shed even when my hair is short, so there's no real solution to it, just our reality. If he doesn't accept it as a part of dating you then move on.

I shed like a golden retriever and my husband and any ex-boyfriends have just had to deal with it. I come with a lot of hair, that's how it is. I doubt many of them would have asked me out to begin with if I'd have been bald.

Especially those of us who use the showers at the gym and are constantly gagging at the large clumps of long hair left lying in there.

I'm on the fence. He asked nicely. Could be a PITA to hoover especially if he hasn't got a very good one, or it's a pain to unblock. You did say you couldn't think of a way to prevent hair everywhere other than a hairnet and he has provided an idea.

I've got long thick hair (plus a luscious bald patch thanks to radiotherapy) and wouldn't love to be asked this as I look nicer with hair down but if it was in a genuinely nice way for a practical reason, I would probably accept it. Nobody loves housework.

If its part of a pattern of making you feel unwelcome or fussing about inconsequential things, that's one issue. Saying 'my darling, you have the most radiant obsidian tresses and you know how much I love to admire their shine. However my shitty old Dyson simply isn't up to such a precious load. Sorry to ask but would you please consider tying it up where possible, just whilst in the house? You'd be saving me hours of chopping and swearing' could be another.

He’s asked you nicely, he hasn’t told you, and clearly he loves your hair so there’s no need to see it as a personal attack. I find hair repulsive when it’s not attached to the head, I’ve got long hair myself and I wear it tied up at home for this very reason. It’s just one of those things. it’s a huge reach to call it a controlling relationship based only on this- you’re both having your reactions to something . the mature/polite thing would be to seek a compromise which works for you both and try to take down the drama around it

Hahahahaha, What an odd request. He's in for a rude awakening.

My df ended up with a wife and four daughters all of whom had long, very thick hair. As you say, short of wearing a hair net, stray hair is inevitable.

Perhaps your boyfriend would prefer to be single.

My ex used to moan about my hair. I put him in his place in our local pub. Said you lose hair as well. It's just less noticeable because it's shorter. Also said because of hormones I also lost hardly any when pregnant. But after birth you do so noticed it more.

But it was also used me hoovering it up not him. But on the other hand I used to get annoyed when his brother brought his dogs round when they were moulting. One dog used to hop from one knee to the other. She just wanted everyone to fuss over her. Their dog hair used to get everywhere.