Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

It's the double edged sword of being Asian. Lovely hair on top, but lots of hair to shave/wax too.

My best mate and my boyfriend have dark hair and I find it everywhere when they have been to my house but I would never say anything. I have long blonde hair which is harder to see but there wouldn't be less of it around my house if it was dark. If your relationship progresses then he would have to put up with it.

@MoreTimeInBed I shed loads of hair. But my hair isn’t rich, thick, long, luscious, beautiful or luxuriant. I have been conned

Me too. Mine is fine and scraggly, there is just so much of it. Every hairdresser I’ve ever been to as an adult has exclaimed they have never seen someone with such fine hair have so very much of it.

Get a hair bonnet

After all, her hair is a pretty important part of her and it’s physically attached to her head! It’s not an optional extra.

But it's when the hair is no longer physically attached to her head that's the problem!!

I don’t think it’s a red flag. One of my (adult) kids has hair like mine and while I would not say we have long/luscious hair (at all), we really do shed lots compared to everyone else.

Seriously, I reckon I could go to a friends house, only enter the hallway, lounge room, kitchen and downstairs loo and they’d be finding my hair for days in their laundry, upstairs shower and all their kids beds🤣. Given it pisses me off in my own house, I wear it back the majority of the time.

My child however, if I could I’d stick a hairnet on them at home I would (pretty hard to do with a guy in their 20’s though). I’m so sick and tired of their hair absolutely everywhere I always harp on at them about tying it back as I do mine to decrease it being everywhere and making cleaning up much harder than it should be. I don’t think it makes me controlling.

@EarlHickey actually spat out my tea laughing!

OP would probably not want someone like oyu around her either, so there you go.

I understand him tbh. I also have long thick hair and always tie them at home for exact same reason. Hair do not fall out of buns and pony tails so that's like a damage control.

Oh my goodness, maybe it's a "red flag" that you won't tie your hair up even though he's asked you to because he keeps finding it everywhere!

I gotta say, with your "this is just me" statements you sound a little like the red flag to me. Why won't you compromise? It's a pretty minor inconvenience to you.

If your boyfriend was farting continuously around you, and he said 'it's just how my body functions' would you mind? Or would you ask him to please compromise and change his behaviour to make your life a bit nicer...

I hate long hairs around the place, find it a bit gross (and I've had long hair myself in the past). I actually cut my hair because I hated finding them that much. I wouldn't say it's a red flag, a relatively normal reaction.

I shed loads of hair. But my hair isn’t rich, thick, long, luscious, beautiful or luxuriant. I have been conned.

Yes you are entitled to feel a bit cross about that (enraged is a strong word) but the big difference is that you are not romantically in love with your sil and dds, or you are not hoping to be!

If you are a young bloke, wanting to form a relationship with a woman, sorry but you are looking to become intimate with them in all ways; eventually she might get menstrual blood on his sheets, if they go on to have dc, she might get morning sickness or her waters might break on his precious carpet. If they have dc, children will pee and puke on his floors.

If he can’t tolerate a few hairs then maybe he is not the right man for op? After all, her hair is a pretty important part of her and it’s physically attached to her head! It’s not an optional extra. And she doesn’t want to feel permanently uncomfortable in his house!

Ultimately, to form a mature relationship, you need to be open to loving and valuing the other person and everything that brings with it, more than your material things.

And if this bloke can’t, or doesn’t want to do that, fine - he can enjoy living alone with perfect hoover stripes in his Axminster!

I think “controlling” is a strong word.
he prob just doesn’t understand what its like that’s all. Just talk to him and explain……..

Dating mismatch! He needs to date someone with short hair, you someone with long hair. Effortless domestic harmony. I'm lazy. Always pick someone compatible in the first place.

Escaped strands of long curly hair give excellent foundational structure to any dustballs which may be roaming wild on wooden floors. So I hear.

This stuff is the bread and butter of any long-term relationship. So if you do want to stay with him, negotiate.

My first love would speed-braid my hair as part of tearing each other's clothes off. It was either that or patiently detangle the birds nest for me afterwards. Oh the practicality of at it like rabbits young love!

I’m afraid your extremely long, thick, hair is not as “luscious” as you might think when it’s all through the house. I recently had my dark-haired sister stay for a few days and her hair was EVERYWHERE. I would definitely be asking you to tie it back. He’s not being unreasonable to ask and I think if you dump him over this then he’s dodged a bullet.

A man who's not lived with someone who sheds very long thick hairs around the home is not being unpleasant in asking the woman with the lovely head of hair to tie it back in the mistaken belief that this is a simple solution for everyone. It's unreasonable to expect a male partner to think and behave like your dad, in the same way it would be unreasonable for him to expect you to think and behave like his mum. Explain to him that your hair will shed no matter what and you don't want to feel uncomfortable spending time at home. See where it goes from there. It can sting a bit when you realise in a new relationship that your partner doesn't find absolutely every tiny element of you/your habits 100% charming but it's how you both deal with adapting to the differences having a new person in your life bring that will determine whether the relationship has legs or not. Doesn't make either of you shitty people if you can't work around this one in a way that makes you both feel cherished and respected. Just means the relationship is not 'the one' for you.

Servers with long hair draping across plates and tables 🤢

I don't think it's controlling. From what you wrote I would say it's a start of a discussion.

I actually get peeved off at my own hair shedding - it's irritating cleaning it off the hoover brushes and unblocking drains. And the hair brushes are constantly covered. Mine is just below shoulder length.

I’m not going to lie, but I hate shedding hair.

I have very long thick hair like yourself OP. After a shower it can look like there’s a rat in the plug hole. After blow drying my hair, my cream carpet has a distinctive black woven layer sitting on top, and if I’m not careful it can get everywhere.

I love to wear it down for occasions, it is very glam and like you I garner lots of compliments, and less welcome…lots of people touching it.

But, and here’s the but, I do tend to tie it back at home. It’s too much hassle and too hot to wear down. It does shed a lot and because the hair is thick and long, it’s really visible and ugly to see about the place. It can easily get into food, cupboards, drawers, clothes, towels, on the floor, stuck to walls, in the bed, and it’s not nice. It really isn’t.

So if you’re like me, then I can understand why he has a love hate relationship with your hair and it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker to tie it back.

The reddest of a red flag. There is no future in this so why waste time?

Not controlling at all imo.

I find seeing strands of my hair everywhere quite gross & at least I'm the one doing the vacuuming.

I think it's a perfectly reasonably request as it will reduce him finding hair absolutely everywhere..:

I think the key point is that you haven't said anything because you know it will upset her.

OPs boyfriend either doesn't care if it will upset her or didn't think about it. Neither are great.

In my experience, having long, thick hair up all the time can be painful & I wouldn't want to live with someone who'd be annoyed if I wanted to feel comfortable and have my hair down.

I think he's fine in requesting it. You're also fine to say no, and how he reacts to that is more telling, whether he's in controlling red flag territory or not.

I have long hair and it's annoying that I shed everywhere - in fact everyone sheds hair, it's just more noticeable when it's long. I do my best to keep on top of it, and I try to reduce it - when it's worse, it's usually an indication my iron levels are low. I live alone, so I'm the one who suffers most from it, and I do my own vacuuming and remove it from the plughole. But not obsessively.