Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

Red flag? Did he say it in an aggressive way? I don't get it? I have four daughters and we all have very long hair. I try to keep mine back a lot of the time and plait my daughters and I can't stand the hair getting everywhere and none of us 'shed' much like you say you do. I would ask you if you wouldnt mind tying it back to. You can refuse if you want? If he then because difficult over it that's a red flag. But to just ask if you wouldn't mind?

My husband had ‘enjoyed’ my masses of long hair for 30 years. It gets everywhere. He’s never said a word, (whilst peeling it off), but I can understand it could be annoying.

This!!

I had a Boyf once who asked me to suck in when I bit into a biscuit so l that I didn’t drop crumbs anywhere. Seriously. And yes, he did turn out to be very controlling.

Definitely throw him back.

My fella is bald and he learned that living with a woman and a cat, hair gets bloody everywhere. He sees it when he vacs up haha! I couldn't imagine him telling me I have to tie it up. I have thick, long hair as well and I do often tie it up. But as you say it ends up EVERYWHERE.

Red flag and also not to worry you but please consider if he is already in a relationship and doesn’t want your hair around incase the other one find out. I’ve heard of this type of thing before.
Or he’s probably autistic or just a bit weird about certain things like this.
my husband has always been a bit weird about mess and when I would sniff if I had a cold, the sound of dogs claws on hard floor etc. 15 years later, turns out he’s actually autistic with OCD and 2 kids later it’s no longer quirky, just fcukin annoying as hell!

I wouldn't put up with that!

I agree with bf on this one. Nothing controlling about it. It's horrible to find hair everywhere. What's up with using a bobble

My daughter snd grandsughter both have long hair snd I don't really notice the shedding maybe I am used to it. Maybe offerr 2 hoover? Explain tying it back might make it worse. Don't think it's a red flat unless another women is sldo going to his flat. I had a friend who gagged if she had to clear hair out of the shower drain. She was fantastic this was just her ick.

Shed hair is super gross . I have thick hair but make sure I don't leave it around the house. If uou touch it a lot while it's down it will shed so I guess he is hoping in a ponytail you won't so much

Dump him, that’s weird. You’re his girlfriend , you’re not working in a food prep hygiene zone!

Hardly controlling was he?, he asked that is all, sure she wouldn't like is his hair was shedding all over the place, no worse than someone asking to take shoes off when in the home. The word controlling is very loosely used in mumsnet.

No this isn’t controlling, I have thick hair too and it gets absolutely everywhere. It drove my husband a bit bonkers at first.

Sorry, I think YABU. I don’t have luscious hair but gawd, do I shed. An ex once told me that he found strands in his linen closet six months after I left 😂. I naturally put my hair back at his to try and minimise the impact, same as I would at my parents’ or friends houses. My DH certainly doesn’t get that courtesy after 13 years together but then, we have cats that shed even more than me 😁. While it’s quite blunt, that’s your boyfriend’s preference and whether it’s something you can live with is up to you. I certainly don’t see it as a red flag - he’s just clearly asked you to take a reasonable step to reduce something that bothers him. He could have moaned at you or made snide comments or passive-aggressively cleaned the hair off the throws etc in front of you…and those would have been red flags in my book!

I have huge thick long hair and I only ever have it down for a night out. I sleep with it tied back as I don’t want to have my face on it.

my hoover gets clogged with it.

my son now has longish thick hair and cleaning up drives me nuts.

possibly about you shedding at his home rather than controlling?

Oh come on, this isn’t controlling or a red flag, he’s just trying to find a way to avoid hair all over his flat. My teen daughter has hair down to her bum and I find her hair all over my house, I have to regularly use drain unblocker as it blocks the drains, it gets caught up in the hoover brush spinner in my shark hoover which stops it from spinning and needs cutting out. It get stuck in the filter of the hoover. He probably just thinks that it might make it a little easier for him if you tie it back. I mean if a friend you stayed with once a week asked you to do the same would you be offended? I think it’s a reasonable ask but if you find him controlling and odd then do him a favour and end the relationship.

Seeing another toothbrush next to yours is cute.

Sweeping up hair and pulling hair off every soft furnishing you own is just more work.

Sounds like a guy adjusting to you spending more time in his space to me…. I asked my now husband to stop being such a messy slob and leaving his smelly shoes in random rooms in the house when we moved into together - he told me to stop dropping curvy grips everywhere and flooding the bathroom accidently! We adjusted!

You will find eachother far more annoying living in eachothers personal space… you will either learn how to tolerate eachother or you won’t.

If it’s a red flag to you personally OR an ick factor that he cares so much - move on! He clearly likes things very clean. Or maybe you can both agree to hoover more down the line….

But no, this is not an abusive red flag!

I am a mother of two with absolutely stunning dark hair, I ask my daughters do the same and they happily do it. It is just commons sense. I d be thankful for having a guy who wants to keep our flat tidy

moreover I d be very unhappy if I had a guest with untied 50 cm long hair at my home

This

Finding hairs of any description gives me boak even if they’re my own. I literally loathe finding them lying around. I don’t think he’s being controlling at all, maybe he gets the boak too and is just trying to minimise the issue by suggesting a ponytail

She was jealous. And unprofessional. You didn't have cleaning personnel? Or someone who came to clean at least once a week?

i have shoulder length quite fine hair and it still sheds everywhere! completely normal and he’s definitely BU by trying to control something that you can’t

Is he just not use to the realities of having females in a house. Did he grow up with sisters. I don't think its necessarily a red flag it's probably more an unknown to him

Yes you're being unreasonable. He just wants to not have to find your hair floating in his drinks or working its way up his ass crack. It's annoying. I lost a lot of my hair when I was taking a certain medication and it drove me up the wall. It was significantly less annoying when I kept it up in a pony and took it down to brush out all the fallen hair, then put it back up. Your hair may be beautiful but don't be so conceited as to think people are gazing at it so much they'll ignore choking on it.