Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

@Hairry how is he in general with everything else? I’m trying to understand why you feel insecure

I don't think it's controlling at all, I hate seeing shed hair everywhere.

You can help it though- you can tie up your hair.

really no need to be offended or assume that he doesn't like your "natural state". You are looking for a reason to be offended here.

My sister is like this- long thick black hair and every time she comes to visit the hair is just everywhere.

Just tie it up

There's nothing cute about someone shedding hair all over your house, no matter who they are

Some people don't mind it, some people find it repulsive, just like many things 🤷‍♀️

I would throw this one back OP. Whether or not he is being controlling is irrelevant. What’s relevant is that he isn’t making you feel good about yourself. I confess that after living with a BF for 3 years he finally asked me to stop brushing my hair in the hallway because my long black hair was collecting in the cream hallway carpet and was a pain to vacuum. But this BF also knew that this annoyed me too and presumably had no concerns that this particular ask might upset me.

I would refuse and tell him his request is unreasonable. Clearly he’s never lived with people with long hair before!

And don’t let him bully you into doing extra or all vacuuming either, cos he should be cleaning his place regularly anyway, he’s just finding extra hair!

If he insists then dump him, cos that is weirdly controlling!

Then you really are wasting your time. Move on.

I think his request is fine. Maybe he has found it clogging sinks, and on cooking utensils, in a meal etc.

I'm interested what did you say to him in the moment when he asked you?

I’m afraid I agree with your boyfriend, I too have very thick long beautiful hair, but it does shed so much, I find strands everywhere and it drives me mad

My then boyfriend (now husband) used to find lots of it in his car, flat, clothes! In fairness he never moaned but I can see how annoying finding strands everywhere can be

Now I have a eufy who collects it all for me! But still tie it up at home xx

Advice only to be considered IF he is otherwise never controlling:

Could you perhaps plait it when his place is freshly cleaned and tidied as a compromise (this will stop shedding onto surfaces better than a pony tail?

And then leave it down at other times?

There's a compromise.

Do you help out cleaning each others' homes when you spend time there?

By the way, I hope he doesn't leave his bodily hair and fluids at yours. Semen? Wrap it up every time etc. what's good for the goose...

It is odd. My husband is quite hairy. I’m forever finding short and curly hair in the bathroom and our bed, amongst other places. I’d never even consider asking him to try to control his hair loss in some way (a pube net, perhaps?) because it’s normal and something completely out of his control. It’s just part and parcel with living with someone. OP’s boyfriend is free to request anything he likes but this request doesn’t bode well for any future for their relationship.

That's your daughter's friend though. At this stage in the relationship he should be finding it quite cute, finding hair when OP has gone home.

I shed a lot of hair and it really really annoys me. I try everything to minimise it and it makes me irrationally angry the amount of hair I see on the bedroom floor, couch etc. I vacuum several times a week as the site of even one hair just pisses me off.

I have to say I understand him. Whether or not the conversation itself was a red flag (the tone he spoke to you in, etc), I can’t really say. But I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable to try minimise the shedding while in his flat. I usually keep my hair in a French plait and brush it out thoroughly in the back garden!

You aren't a fucking pet so tell him to stop treating you like one.

Get rid, he will always find something about you to nit pick at.

Op it's a bit of a red flag but not a deal breaker depending on how he responds when you tell him he is being unreasonable.
If it were me I'd say look I get that it's a pain but long hair sheds - it just does. Up or down it's going to shed. If you don't like it we can hang just at my place, otherwise sorry but its a part of me and not something I can change. If he shrugs and says yeah fair enough let's just hang at your place then the relationship is going to run it's course pretty quickly. If he says OK I'll learn to live with it then you might have a fighting chance

I'm not sure why you'd choose the word 'offensive'?

It's annoying and can be a bit disgusting on kitchen work surfaces etc, but not offensive.

I shed a lot of hair too and I'd be happy to tie it back, as I get embarrassed by just how much I leave around.

Pretty much.

Imagine never being able to let your hair down again at home, should this shitshow progress to a proper relationship ☹️.

Posters are so quick to call a man controlling, it's like they're waiting for the chance to spout out the word. Hilarious 😂

You need to be able to relax there so he is being unreasonable. But if he's never lived with a woman before he might not realise this is just normal until you point it out to him?

I had long hair and even finding my own long hairs made me sick

I think its an ok request. Uoy say you find it everywhere in your own place too. Why should he have to pick it all up gross after you

How is he controlling? Its his flat he doesnt want to find it everywhere. Hes not telling her to cut her hair or keep it up outside mumsnet drama

I actually don't think I it's controlling. I have long, think waist length hair so I know how much it sheds. Knowing how much mine sheds, I wouldn't mind keeping my hair up around a boyfriend's house if he doesn't like finding hairs everywhere. Of course not every time..

Some people find shed hair gross. Doesn't mean it's a red flag.