Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

He is being petty and small minded. I would find this unappealing. It’s just hair, it’s not like you’re working in a food factory.

Oddly this was how an (ex) partner's abusive behaviour started with me.
First he wanted my hair tied up due to shedding, then he persuaded me to have it cut significantly shorter - things escalated piecemeal from there without me even noticing what was happening.
It's a red flag from me.

A pony tail is heavy and uncomfortable. He seems intolerant.

Ime tying your hair won't do much at all either except damage your hair.

There will be a man out there that loves your hair and accepts the shedding as well.

I wouldn't necessarily say it is a red flag or controlling behaviour. Did he say it politely? Everyone has their own quirks and likes and dislikes. It is one thing to enjoy the look of your beautiful hair and another to find hairs everywhere in the flat. I don't think it is unreasonable to tie it up. Same goes on transport in a rush hour for example. It is all about small compromises we make here and there in a relationship.

My three daughters and I all have long, curly, ringlet hair. It sheds everywhere. I don't see this as controlling. As I also find it annoying that I am always vacuuming up human hair as well as cat hair. I also ask the girls to tie their hair up when at home, and I always tie mine up when I come in.

Tying hair up wouldn't bother me (except in bed) but long term this will be an issue. What would he do if you moved in?

Oooh hard one.

I have long dark hair and vacuum twice a day as I find my own hair around home a bit gross. I think I would find someone else’s hair gross as well.

So I think your bf is not unreasonable. But it does suggest the bother of cleaning up after you is more important than your comfort/freedom to have your hair as you like.

If he adored you he would put up with it and just vacuum after you leave!

He's being weird. When you have long, dark hair the hairs that shed are going to be super noticeable. It's the price of admission when someone has long, thick, dark hair.

As someone with thick, bum length hair I think it's time to throw him back. You can find much nicer guys who won't be grossed out by your hair.

Hair sheds. All hair. Why are people acting like they never lose hairs and find them in odd places?! Dark hairs are likely more noticeable but every single human loses hairs. As I’ve previously said, my husband seems to lose a lot of pubic hairs. It’s a bit gross. Should I tell him to wear a hair net on his chest and crotch area?

I am on a fence with this.

1.I hate hair anywhere, including my hair.
2.I also have long thick hair which requires daily washing to remain healthy. If I don't wash it daily, I would have to wet it a bit, and wear it up, so I don't shed. (I have my own bathroom-so this is a private issue). This is the hairstyle I keep say for 9/10 months and only sheds in bathroom when I am styling it and nowhere else.)
3.When I shared my flat, my flatmate- male- with thick black hair, was shedding as it was lockdown and he couldn't see a hairdresser etc. We shared a bathroom, and was just used to picking up bits of his hair. On his own, he apologised that he was spending lots of money on hair products to help. I really felt more sorry for him, and I understood. He was very very neat like me and it was only in the bathroom.

4.I am now married and live with DH, where I have my own bathroom. Funnily, the hairstyle that he prefers (which I love in the summer) means my hair is everywhere- forget bathroom only- and it cannot be contained very much. He doesn't mind. It irritates me more but I like it as it is healthier for my hair too.

5.It means, when hosting guests during the summer, I also have to factor in, which day I am washing my hair etc etc. And I MUST hoover the whole house (which is always kept clean anyway), say 4/5 hours before guests arrive which really really annoys me.

6.I would bail from that relationship. And I say that as someone who hates seeing my own hair on my carpet.

You've answered your own question.
What happens if you move in together and it's your house too? Would this ridiculous behaviour be required then too?

This is a dead end surely? The relationship can't possibly go anywhere unless you commit to never again wearing your hair down.
His hair sheds too, he probably just can't see it because it's short. I think far more man hairs end up being accidentally eaten....

So you're ok with calling those who lose their hair, 'baldy slap head' are you?

Just people who've lost their hair naturally, or does it extend to chemo patients and Alopecia sufferers?

What does he expect long term!? If you moved in together would you have to have your hair up all of the time at home?

I think it's just weird that he objects to something that is totally normal for a human body to do! As you say, if you shed a bit more hair than usual you are considerate enough to give the shower an extra clean etc but other than that what else can you do?

I say call his bluff and every time you go over wear a really ugly shower cap the entire time.

@HereToo

Don't be ridiculous.

Yes, what's all this about how 'thick, beautiful, glam, luscious' etc it is?

Shed hair is shed hair.

The condition or length of it doesn't really matter when you're picking it out of your sandwich.

I think it's probably ok to ask for it to be tied up in the kitchen or prepping food to minimise hair in food contamination but a bit weird for everywhere

*I had long hair and even finding my own long hairs made me sick

I think its an ok request. Uoy say you find it everywhere in your own place too. Why should he have to pick it all up gross after you*

I must have some very weird thing wrong with me but I feel sick too... and I have Indian long hair 🙈
Mine is also mostly tied up because I hate the 'shedding'.

I absolutely hate light coloured tiles in general but especially in the kitchen because it just grosses me out. I absolutely hate random strays about.. UR I know.

If he's finding hairs in his fridge, why wouldn't you OFFER to tie it up? 🤢

I think this is a deal breaker. What if the relationship continues, and you move in together not just in his flat? Will he still insist on this even though it is a shared home? I have the same issue, but thankfully my husband just laughs and wonders how I still have hair.
Red flag for me.

It’s not controlling! 😂
People are so strange. It’s ok to not want hair everywhere no matter how beautiful it is.

My first thought was that he's being controlling, but it sounds like he's saying its to reduce shedding which he finds irritating. Your hair so you're used to it, but I can understand someone else not being enthralled by finding it everywhere - a bit like pet hair. Pet owners might not notice it, but others......