Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

I have long, thick dark hair and the shedding... but I get a headache and sore scalp if I wear it tied for every long so I'd not be happy with that at all. He (or you) can just run the vacuum round, I tend to vacuum daily so the house isn't covered in my hairs.

I hate finding hair everywhere and am not that keen on very thick waist length hair. I'd probably want you to cut it short if I were him!

I don’t think this is a red flag or controlling. I also don’t think you should tie it up all the time when at his if you don’t want to.

If he keeps saying it or insists then maybe consider it a red flag.

It’s not weird, controlling or odd. He just trying to minimise the amount of lose hair around his flat which is understandable. Wherever it’s a practical solution is another question.

So clearly he is asking you to keep control of your hair - because he is fed up of finding it everywhere

I wouldn't have a problem with this - much like if people like shoes off in their house

edit - just saw you posted
Yeah the odd hair will be found in the fridge or something and it’s not pleasant but I know I’m clean and that’s just the realities of being me.

Yeah, that would make me heave - YOU are BU

Has he grown up with sisters? If he hasn’t lived with it before he might not realise it’s normal for people with long hair to shed and that tying it up doesn’t actually help that much. My MIL has short hair and no DDs so my DH was surprised at how much hair he found everywhere. I wouldn’t jump to him being controlling because of this ask but I’d speak to him about how it made you feel and explain why you don’t want to always have your hair up (and that it won’t make much of a difference anyways). The way he reacts would tell me what to do next.

I think like most men he probably doesn't appreciate the realities of what goes into having and maintaining long hair, or that hair is a very important sensitive topic for a lot of women.

I would spell it out to him that this is one of the things you, and therefore he, has to put up with for his girlfriend to have long rapunzel-like hair. And you won't change how you wear it as that will make very little difference to the shedding.

Ok, so I'll ask you the same as I asked the PP...

So you're ok with calling those who lose their hair, 'baldy slap head' are you?

Just people who've lost their hair naturally, or does it extend to chemo patients and Alopecia sufferers?

I can’t imagine what he would be like if he had children! There would be more than hair everywhere!

Just when I think I've heard it all on mumsnet!

I know what he means because I've lived with a few flatmates (south American though) who definitely shed more "visibly", but all you can do is hoover more often otherwise it's a bit dehumanising.

Long, dark, curly hair here (currently shorter than normal after trying a new style). It just drops.

DH complains (lightly) about the hair in the bath (we have a daughter with the same hair) but puts up with it because it's just what happens.

If you were to live together, what would he expect then? For it to constantly be tied up? That you would never brush/wash it? Or move around?

Think about how you want to live and whether he fits into that, given he's upset that your hair ends up places.

I have to be honest, hair everywhere really turns my stomach. It’s funny really because when it’s still on your head it’s fine but once it’s dropped it makes me feel a bit sick to have to deal with (even my own).

I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a red flag in isolation, it really depends on other facets of his personality or character although I totally understand why you feel a bit offended and are questioning being with him.

this is the vibe, I would get from this. but then I am sensitive.

I even had to lecture my DH to stop offering me more food when I had already eaten, or full- 'to just try, it was the best snack/ food he had eaten etc etc' as I said it was like he wanted to make me fat. lol lol funnily, when I offered him the same to try, he really doesn't like to try foods, once he had eaten. just like me. he stopped it.

funnily, his sister visiting us, complained same about her dh, and I was happy to show it wasn't only me who didn't like it!

anyway, I stand up for myself everywhere, so I don't allow these subtle things turn into big things later.

He definitely hasn't got another woman in the flat finding your hair?

This. What a dipshit.

I find hair about the place a bit disgusting and always tie mine up but I think part of living and spending time with other people is dealing with the fact they have human bodies that aren’t always perfectly under control, this kind of comment would really put me off a man and i’d definitely be alert for further signs of intolerance or control. If you give him another chance you could suggest he gets a robot vacuum cleaner, but they do need tangled hair cut off the spinners fairly often…

I have very long blonde hair. Growing up, my Glaswegian house-proud mother used to shriek "it's like living with a bloody Afghan hound!"

However, I don't blame your boyfriend. Sorry. Seeing someone's hair everywhere would make me feel queasy. And chances are, he only used to 'enjoy' your hair before he realised how much of it you shed.

I leave hair everywhere. When I wash it or brush it lots come out and it’s fine but wonky so hard to tame. My Dh has never said anything!

I had two DD's with very long hair, it gets everywhere. Blocked the shower, blocked the vacuum cleaner. I dealt with it as did DH because they were our DC.

Try putting it in a long plait, it might help

Wtf. This is really weird, it would also make me think the relationship won't go anywhere as I'd hate to share a hoke with someone who dictated what I did with my hair at home. I'd ask him why, it's only hair? And if he continues having a problem I'd throw him back.
It's also worth noting that asking you to do certain things with your hair/clothes is a major way of controlling and often how it starts. Look at major religions that dictate strictly how women should look, it's all about control and oppression.

I find this like cleaning the toilet after you've had a sh!t.

It's a harmless thing, and does nothing apart from the annoy the person finding it who then feels they have to clean it up. It's not going to kill anyone if it stays there.

So those above saying he's controlling... no. He's asked nicely whether there could be a compromise, so he doesn't have to 'clean up after you'. Anyone having a sh!t, just like anyone with long hair, WILL leave stuff behind.

Really? Made me lol!

This thread is a wild read. I had no idea people felt 'sick' etc over something as normal as hair. I have long thick hair, have it down all the time as thats why i have the style i have and love it. I shed, its normal and certainly not sickening to find hair and then hoover etc as you would normally. You aren't working in food prep, you should be comfortable in his space. If you're not, it's not going to last

I once worked in a tiny office of four people, owned by the boss in a garden office prefab type thing. The boss told me several times that she was fed up of finding my hair ‘everywhere’. I don’t really know what she expected me to do about it.