Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

As long as its not in food you are serving people theres nothing wrong with hair, people are being batshit.

Acting as if people have any control over shedding and that they are somehow disgusting and subhuman for it is another thing only mumsnet could use to shame people for natural bodily functions.

Careful don't shed any skin cells at his house either lest you be deemed a dusty minger, you must only go fully wrapped in clingfilm like a full body condom. Plus please don't breath either lest the 'air' thats been in your body get on anything.

I'm ethnic chinese and I can totally relate. I now have quite short her and it's still everywhere. Even tying it up won't stop it dropping. The hair is very thick very black and very visible. If there is light coloured flooring, I can see a single strand of my hair on the floor from a stand up position. It's now worse in the house becase we have DDs too. If you and him are to have any future, he'll have to get used to how thick the hair is, I'm afraid.

Also I do think 'not wanting hair everywhere' is reasonable. In the sense that, it's in category of little annoyances that put you off. There are loads of threads on here with woman sharing how silly things like the way a guy holds his fork resulted in a lack of a second date.

It's not like wanting a submissive/quiet woman or one that say only wears miniskirts which would be really weird and over the top.

Ultimately you can't control your hair shedding and it's up to him to decide how much it annoys him.

Plenty of women with different hair types to date if he really can't stand it.

I'm so on the fence.
It is a bit weirdly controlling however I find shed hair makes me feel sick even my own so always tie up in the kitchen. Nowt worse than pulling out hair from food especially from your mouth 🤮

Agree. It is annoying, no one should be told they'll just have to put up with it when there's an easy solution.

Why does he think tying it up will make it shed less? It will just lead to more breakage. Does he not like it down? I'd be rethinking your compatibility.

I don't know if it's a red flag, OP.
Your boyfriend might have some issues (I call them free choices of an adult).
For my part, I'm 46, no kids, married.
When I get my apartment again to live on my own, there will be NOBODY crossing the threshold, apart from tradespeople needed.
Good for you to have such hair, mine is quite the opposite.
Some people might say I have OCD, your partner is possibly that way inclined, too.
Rather than a red flag, I would (for myself) call it a choice.
😊

I would ask him specifically where he's finding it and go from there.
You say you're clearing it from the shower trap, and tying it up to cook, so it sounds like just what you'd expect from an organic being.
As you say, it's a bit much to love some aspects of your hair and complain about others.

Dunno - we are a family of hair. I have lots and lots of quite fine hair (also Indian heritage) and my boys have all this curly madness. It's just one of those things though. My Hoover brush is a thing to behold - I have to cut through where it's wrapped round.

I think you feel rejected of who you are OP and it's not really just about your hair. Have an honest conversation with him and consider if this is the right person for you. I have similar hair btw. What shampoo do you use. Pleas share😊

OP some people shed more than others. I'm also South Asian (mostly) and didn't shed much even when my hair was longer than yours. Now it's shoulder length.

He's being U to ask you to control it. If it bothers him that much well he shouldn't date someone with long hair.

What shampoo do you use btw???

Perfectly reasonable to not want shedded hair all over the place. Not a red flag - on the contrary.

Does he have flatmates? If so, entirely possible they’ve been moaning about your hair and he thought it was less embarrassing for you not to say that directly.

I wouldn't feel comfortable around him anymore. Having a partner comes at a price like changing the sheets more often- that's just life and he's being a baby.

Btw I have fine reddish blonde hair that somehow blends in with a lot of surfaces so is invisible until I find a big clump somewhere- it's not great either 😂

If you were shedding hair loads in my home, I'd probably.ask you to keep your hair tied back. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not a red flag, I thing this is a reasonable request.

Pretty thoughtless of you to shed everywhere. NBD, tie your hair up ina ponytail sometimes.

I would be offended - I have fair hair and shed a lot but the short dark body hairs in the house are definitely DH! Everyone with hair sheds, can't expect someone to run about binning it constantly (though I will take it off plates....)

I have really shitty thin hair that falls out constantly so I moult like theres no tomorrow, surprisingly people never mention it even though it irritates me. I would be bothered being told to tie it up though and would probably give a lecture on why I'm not doing that as the tension of tying it up makes it fall out worse and frankly I don't have enough to spare extra loss.

Woah. The entire problem is that you need to recognise that if something doesn't make you feel good, you need to respect your feeling. It doesn't matter who says 'red flag', it doesn't matter who says 'controlling', it doesn't matter who says 'it's fine, you're paranoid'.

If he does something, and you don't like it, you say so. And if you can't have a discussion that leads to a suitable agreement/compromise that feels right to you both, your relationship isn't working. Same goes the other way round. So, if he wants your hair up, he gets to say so. And then, you tell him how you feel about it, and you both get to discuss it, and work out how to meet somewhere in the middle.

Did you do this? Or did he say it, and you went 'Huh?!' and that was it?

Try communicating with him: tell him how you feel. Tell him what you've told us. How he responds to you feeling differently to him about something will be the deciding factor here, not whether he should be able to ask you to wear your hair up.

He probably hasn't thought it through, and found a hair draped over his toothbrush or something. How does he anticipate living together will be, for example? Are you meant to wear your hair up all the time?

He may find bits of girlfriend lying around a bit gross. Like toenails. Or pubes. Once they're detached - ick

"that’s just part of what comes with having long, dark hair" - no, absolutely not. It is common courtesy to pick up after yourself.

How new a relationship? Could he be worried another 'guest' may find your hairs?

So he's happy to enjoy it until it inconveniences him....that would annoy me too.