Boyfriend asked me to always have hair up at his flat

I have long, thick hair (but blonde). I really don't think it's an unreasonable request. My MIL and my two-year-old(! no idea where she's picked it up from) have real, visceral reactions to finding hairs. I find farting and burping in front of a partner gross and established that at the start of the relationship with my now husband. It's not that big a deal. It's not 'controlling' ffs.

BF is actually being unreasonable. Or unrealistic.

By playing with your hair he is helping to dislodge it. Tell him to leave it alone, then reiterate that hair sheds and tendrils are the price of luscious locks.

I have a similar problem, but not so glam as you. His hair sheds too but since his hair is probably short, it goes unnoticed. Get some of those covers for the shower and bath plugs and tell him to grow up. Roses are still worth the thorns.

When you tie it up and then you let it out the build up is even worse. The hair will shed no matter what .

Grim. You said your shedding everywhere, you block hoovers. I don't think it's unreasonable to tie your hair back. I have similar length hair and braid it at home so it doesn't shed everywhere

Maybe he's just not as thrilled with your hair as you are. It's a perfectly fair request, you can just say no, no big deal.

I'm another fence sitter. I definitely notice more hair around the place when I have long haired lodgers than short haired ones - and I have long thick hair myself!

I'd ask him to think about the fact that his request will mean you won't be able to fully relax at his house now. I'd possibly even agree to giver it a good brush out in the car before I went in to minimise what I shed at his house - but I would ultimately be watching this with a bit of side eye, to see if he carried on making comments about my hair. I think you're very reasonable to give the fact that he's asking this and yet also clearly adores playing with your hair, serious side-eye.

But you don't know what it's about, for him. Maybe he had an abusive grandmother with long dark hair and finding it around the place is triggering for him.

I think it's worth a discussion before writing him off. He did ask politely.

Yeah she should really stop tearing clumps out and decorating the flat with it 🙄🙄🙄 it's not a choice ffs

I was in two minds as I'm Asian with a lot of hair too. I do get annoyed when friends (of any race) and family visit and they leave all their random hairs everywhere. But I just clean it up and forget about it. As you are his GF and you make the effort to clean the drains etc then he needs to just learn to live with it. Telling you tie it up is controlling.

Remember, just because he has a BAME girlfriend, doesn't mean he isn't prejudiced.

Jeez, mine is nowhere near as long as yours, you just have to unclog the bath plug and the vacuum cleaner once a week!

He's controlling and weird.
And it's not really about length; I've got very short hair and still find it around the house.

I definitely would not jump straight to the conclusion that he is controlling, assuming he asked politely of course. I am sure many Mnetters live as I do with a really quite hairy man and it is a bit maddening finding hairs everywhere. There’s obviously nothing he can do like tying it up so I don’t mention it, but if there was something as simple as that which could help then I would suggest it! So it’s not necessarily a red flag.

That said it’s clearly a bone of contention and you also said he hasn’t left you feeling safe or secure. I would not accuse him of being controlling on this one issue but I would evaluate the relationship carefully as you go forward and listen to your instincts.

I do think that it's something that you don't notice until it's pointed out.

I'd only lived with girls at university and had never really thought about it, but when a boy moved in he said he couldn't believe how much hair ended up in the hoover and in the drain (we did all take it in turns to clear it!).

I don't know if tying it up would help that much, but maybe say you'll brush it well before you visit to try to minimise it? I think he needs to accept that hair sheds, and long hair is more noticeable but I would be happy trying to reduce the amount I leave behind!

I rented an apartment where the previous occupant had the sort of hair that you describe. It took weeks to get rid of her hair from literally every nook and cranny of the apartment. It was kind of disgusting tbh. It's not as simple as just hoovering it. When it's very long it wraps itself around the barrel on the head of the hoover and it can be quite a job to cut it out. He's not being unreasonable. It would be worse if he was afraid to say anything and broke up with you instead.

I don't think that's the same as odd hairs found on the carpet , the sofa , in cupboards etc .

I shed hair quite a bit and bought an anti hair wrap vacuum . It's amazing , and collects more hair than you'd realise is lying around !

Does he have OCD ?
So, fast forward, if this relationship is permanent, you end up having to tie up your hair in your home, always, for life...
It's not possible is it. ?

Completely missing the point of the thread, but I’m mostly jealous and slightly irritated at your description and self love of your luscious long thick dark hair 😂. But it’s what long hair does, gets everywhere, so he will get used to it!

My adult son has long hair to the middle of his back, he usually wears it tied back but not always. OMG the hair everywhere after he has visited and seems to collect in little lumps, tying it back doesn’t make a difference though. So it’s not just women who shed hair.

Just tell him you also keep finding his pubes in your bed and could he have a back, sack and crack wax before he comes over to prevent this.

My DD has beautiful thick long hair (I do too but wear it much shorter). My son complains she is shedding it everywhere!
It's part of you. Either he accepts it or gets another girlfriend.

It depends where it is. Your partner's hair in a shared bed, yes. Your partner's hair in your arse crack, less yes. Your partner's hair in your casserole... no!

Haven't you ever found one of your own hairs somewhere and gone 'Ew!'?

I hate finding hairs places too tbh, even if they’re mine. It’s totally unacceptable to ask you to tie it up, that’s crazy. But I do sympathise with him. My BF said his son found one of my (very obviously my colour!) hairs on the car seat. He also points out if I’ve left elastics by his bed etc but I imagine he just doesn’t want his 12 yo clocking that he’s had a woman in his bed! I do spend time with him so he knows I’m around but it’s different to knowing I’ve been in dad’s bed.

Could it be that he’s worried about someone else finding traces of you there? That would be my only worry really. Are there other traces of you having been there? Is he open about you generally?

If he hasn't learned how to comprise in a relationship - he's probably not ready for one. What's his dating history like? In my experience, in a healthy, stable and evolving relationship you consider what's best for the relationship first before thinking about your own individual wants, preferences and needs. I know you can't always agree on everything but it's good to be able to accept that sometimes you have to agree to disagree: is that possible here? Be honest with him - talk it out, put your points, stand your ground - be open, be prepared to compromise - try and find a way to take some friction out of the situation - it could be as simple as you making a visible effort to try and clean up more after you visit his place - see how that goes. It sounds petty to me - maybe he's never had to deal with real problems in his life: that helps to put so many things in perspective.

I would suggest he dates a poodle instead as they don’t shed at all.