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AIBU?

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Original poster

2 AIBU in one, table etiquette and in-laws..

133 replies

PardontheFrench · 22/07/2024 12:23

This is a light humoured one (kind off)

In-laws down on holiday, it’s chaos round here as we are also moving this week, trying to pack and aware DH’s parents are also here to spend time with us and have a nice time, we are doing all the cooking entertaining etc.

Cooked a lovely meal around carnage last night, made sure everyone was sorted, DC, in-laws, dog was out of the way, drinks topped up sat down at the table to notice that in-laws had moved their cutlery round to their preferred position of knifes sitting with blades out, definitely not how I set the table!!

Firstly AIBU to think that everyone over the age of 12 knows the correct table setting etiquette is knifes with blades turned inwards

2nd AIBU that it’s fucking cheeky to be so self righteous that you make a show of your preferred way especially when you are bastarding wrong! in someone else house!

There have been many larger things over the years that have pissed me off but this tiny moment of exercising control has given me the rage like no other!

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 22/07/2024 12:51

JimNast · 22/07/2024 12:29

Give them chicken drumsticks and no knives in future.

I was thinking paper plates and plastic cutlery, 'Sorry folks, we've packed all our stuff up for the move!'.

Cherrysoup · 22/07/2024 12:51

Sunshineafterthehail · 22/07/2024 12:45

How uncouth..
The savages.

🤣

I eat ‘cack handed’, so despite being right handed, I eat as though I’m left handed and therefore always move my cutlery round at dinner parties/restaurants. Do I have poor etiquette? It affects nobody but me.

RhetoricalRectangle · 22/07/2024 12:50

The fact you think this is somehow pointed at you or in any way significant speaks much more about you than them

I can imagine doing this on auto pilot

What a non event

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 22/07/2024 12:50

"...but as they were all waiting for me to sit"

Good manners fully on display then?

Why on earth do you put yourself out hosting when it was obviously not something you wanted to do? There's nothing more excruciating and uncomfortable to be hosted by somebody who would rather not.

Also, people always think they have good poker faces when they really don't.

Talipesmum · 22/07/2024 12:49

PardontheFrench · 22/07/2024 12:44

I’m willing to admit that tensions were likely a little frayed…

I had to dig through 10 boxes before I found the gravy boat, the cat had managed to get its tail covered if white paint 10 minutes before I served up and MIL had offended eldest DC about a comment on her supposed “low weight”

But it’s not really anything to do with how they how they eat, they can hold their cutlery how they please, it was the fact that they moved their cutlery all round, dinner knife, side plate knife as if to make a statement about how theirs was the correct way.

As a side point in-laws have always set their table like this is their own house. I know it’s both incorrect and not how I would do it but I would never go and move about the place settings to make a point as I believe it be quite rude.

They put their own place settings how they like them. I think the number of people who care about “correct” place setting style is very very diminished these days, and it doesn’t mean they’re all moral delinquents. Frankly it’s something I rarely think of and would consider it to be more of an optional convention than a reflection of my social capability. I’m generally focused on trying to get my family to put the cutlery and placemats down straight, rather than all wonky and miles from the edge of the table.

The amount of “rude” you think it to be corresponds to how much you care about this particular thing, and I suspect you care a lot more than many people. They just like it how they have it and may even think they are “right”. It’s such a pointless thing to get worried about, it literally doesn’t matter.

DappledThings · 22/07/2024 12:48

I would think they were a bit silly. I wouldn't anger me. If they want to eat incorrectly that's on them.

FrenchandSaunders · 22/07/2024 12:47

Animals, your DH must have been dragged up.

Original poster
PardontheFrench · 22/07/2024 12:46

mitogoshi · 22/07/2024 12:42

It's (a) wrong and (b) I'd be annoyed too if before they sat down however once you are sat at the table it's fair game to adjust your cutlery eg if left handed. But they are pretty weird, everyone knows blade in!

I think that was it..

Had everyone been eating when I came in I would never have noticed but as they were all waiting for me to sit it was fairly obvious.

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 22/07/2024 12:46

User016529 · 22/07/2024 12:41

I don’t use knives at all so a bit of a non issue. If someone wants to decorate the table with them good for them.

How do you cut anything before you eat it?

Catza · 22/07/2024 12:46

No use in reading people's mind. You have no way of knowing what point they were or weren't trying to make. How much difference does it really make to you personally how they like their cutlery?
You are projecting in a big way and the only person it is hurting is yourself.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 22/07/2024 12:45

Next time provide them with a shoulder bone and an antler for their 'cutlery'. It would be interesting to see how they arange that.

(I can't find the correct positioning in my copy of Debrett's, maybe it's in an earlier addition?)

Sunshineafterthehail · 22/07/2024 12:45

How uncouth..
The savages.

DTisawazzock · 22/07/2024 12:44

I've never ever noticed anyone doing this with their knives. Why would they face their blades outwards? It's just so wrong.

gardenmusic · 22/07/2024 12:44

Wait until they try to move your furniture!

Original poster
PardontheFrench · 22/07/2024 12:44

I’m willing to admit that tensions were likely a little frayed…

I had to dig through 10 boxes before I found the gravy boat, the cat had managed to get its tail covered if white paint 10 minutes before I served up and MIL had offended eldest DC about a comment on her supposed “low weight”

But it’s not really anything to do with how they how they eat, they can hold their cutlery how they please, it was the fact that they moved their cutlery all round, dinner knife, side plate knife as if to make a statement about how theirs was the correct way.

As a side point in-laws have always set their table like this is their own house. I know it’s both incorrect and not how I would do it but I would never go and move about the place settings to make a point as I believe it be quite rude.

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 22/07/2024 12:42

It's (a) wrong and (b) I'd be annoyed too if before they sat down however once you are sat at the table it's fair game to adjust your cutlery eg if left handed. But they are pretty weird, everyone knows blade in!

User016529 · 22/07/2024 12:41

I don’t use knives at all so a bit of a non issue. If someone wants to decorate the table with them good for them.

Rickrolypoly · 22/07/2024 12:40

I honestly could not GAF how people hold or place their cutlery. You should hold it how you feel comfortable.

People like you give me a headache.

Talipesmum · 22/07/2024 12:40

Fullyflavoured · 22/07/2024 12:25

I doubt I'd even notice or care tbh.

This.

Much more annoying to have to host people if you are moving. That’s an 8/10 on the bad scale. Cutlery positions is not even scratching 0.5/10.

MinniesCountdown · 22/07/2024 12:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SossijRoll · 22/07/2024 12:38

Knives, if we’re being petty.

AuCo44 · 22/07/2024 12:37

Good grief, who cares? Getting enraged about the position of tableware is just daft.

sesquipedalian · 22/07/2024 12:37

OP, your parents in law sound insensitive types to visit when you’re about to move, and their messing about with the cutlery has proved the point. It’s irritating and I get that, but just be the bigger person (and make sure your DC know how to set a table - sooner or later, one of them will say something to your DILs).

SBHon · 22/07/2024 12:35

It’s how they prefer eating and makes literally zero difference to you? Unless they’ve changed the entire table’s cutlery they’ve done nothing wrong.

Original poster
PardontheFrench · 22/07/2024 12:34

WhistPie · 22/07/2024 12:29

Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind come down to be entertained and cooked for by people who are in the middle of moving?! And why would anyone put up with this!

Tbf to in-laws, they booked the visit before the house move.

Would any normal person try and move the booking to alleviate some stress.. Yes

Do they have form for visiting at awkward times… Yes

Is it completely their fault, probably not so just a grin and bear it type situation.

OP posts: