2 AIBU in one, table etiquette and in-laws..

No one in the world? Or the uk? Or your county ? Or the universe? Or in your social circle?

Not quite genitals but I was once in the restaurant bar and grill (chain type restaurant) in Liverpool and a diner on the next table was using his fork to scratch his arms and then examining the tines i assume for dead skin.

Quite. It’s literally just a convention. Totally different to “etiquette” around all sitting down together, talking politely, helping each other and making people feel comfortable. Quite why “I was brought up by a chef trained in silver service” translates to presuming that “everyone else knows and cares about this stuff as much as I do” I’m not sure. I was brought up by parents massively interested in English literature, and we would have lovely times quoting books and discussing novels at each other, and would also spend large chunks of dinner time reading books at the table. I wouldn’t presume everyone else did the same as me because they would presumably have different parents and different things to focus on.

Time has moved on and ergonomics is the name of the game - what works for you is how it should be used.

I really cant understand a persons need to have things "for appearance" "rules" wrote hundred years ago - as opposed to placing implements in the logical way that they are used.

I use the cutlery the "wrong way around" because my family travelled all over the world and guess what - there is a minefield of versions of what is "right". Thankfully my family decided early on to leave people to place the implements where it made sense for them and to concentrate on enjoying company and meals.

The only unreasonable thing is the search through packed boxes for the gravy boat.

The French

They're ignorant OP and you aren't. Let that knowledge be enough for now, you've got more than enough on your plate, excuse pun.

Who or what decides what the 'correct' manner of setting a table is??

I like to set my table nicely but if someone changed it to make themselves feel comfortable then meh! 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't like it when people don't hold their cutlery 'properly' but I wouldn't be rude enough to mention it at the table.
You sound like a snobbish bore to be honest.

Play the music from Psycho when you pick up your own knife

i Don't think I would have noticed that. It seems very trivial.

I also wouldn't use a gravy boat because they only hold tiny amounts. Gravy is delicious and should be served in half pint jugs as minimum and we would normally have 2 or three of those on the table for a family roast dinner.

Did you not say to them I'm sorry we're going to have to cancel just been told it's moving week? If you did I'd have packed up kitchen and have paper plates and Ake out picnic

OMG that sounds unbearable. You have my sympathy.

YANBU. They were guests, it was rude to change the table setting whether they liked it or not. Once cutlery is picked up though, it's over to them.

That said, I'd take that over MIL who can't help but talk with her mouthful. ALL. THE. TIME. And, I think as a consequence of never being able to have a dialogue over a family meal, DH who sits head down in silence and barely pauses for breath until he finishes.

I've never seen knives with blades out-is it a "thing"?

Incidentally, I use my knife and fork in the "wrong" hands and sometimes swap them over when eating at other people's houses. I do hope I don't piss people off!
Them not at least helping with the cooking/packing etc would really infuriate me, though.

You’re making a mountain out of a molehill!!
It really really doesn’t matter which way round the knives face. In your situation I’d have popped down to the chippy and used disposable plates / cutlery just before a house move.

Then why, OP, start a thread purely to criticise your in-laws for turning their knives the other way around? Adding in a 'helpful' lecture as to how things should.be.done.

It's not amusing, not lighthearted and it's the same old rubbish that is spouted time and again on this board.

If you really think this way then whatever you say, you really don't understand hosting because it's all about your guests' comfort and wellbeing.

I think we need to disagree that “correct” facing of a knife in any way impacts the experience of the diner.

Yabu. No one cares about etiquette anymore. They just want to eat their food

That's how I would place it but don't know why, just how I'd learned. Not really that bothered, but the pointed correction would annoy me.

I guess they will be given the task of laying the table from now on. Might as well make themselves useful and they can have it to their liking.

I guess because of that we were taught very early on how to lay a table, table etiquette such as working outside in with cutlery, knife and fork together when finished, waiting till everyone was sat before eating etc, as a child I would have presumed that everyone else was brought up like that too and as an adult I appreciate it as a etiquette I think my DC should also learn.

All of those things are fairly common manners but the idea of facing a knife a particular way would never occur to me. I certainly wouldn’t worry about it for a meal at home especially when I’ve a hundred other things to think about.

Perhaps stop 'hosting', for your guests' sakes, it's really not your thing. For all your 'lightheartedness', your posts just don't read that way, just inveterate snobbery.

I would put money on it that you guests are aware of your views on each and every one of their transgressions. They don't deserve that.