To not get DC a snack

Mine is only 2 but even he will try every trick in the book to try and get me to say. Absolutely no snacks at bedtime. It’s a stalling tactic and it will also re-energise them instead of tiring them out. You know how much they’ve eaten during the day (and presumably they are not starving) so you just need to hold firm.

They are 100% taking the piss.

Tea nd las drinks at 5pm and bedtime routine at 645, sleep at 7pm. Any drinks fter 5pm are dribbles of water amd no getting out of bed again until morning.

Be firm and consistent. No child is going to starve or dehydrate because they haven't had something for 2 hours. They will end up exhausted, hungrier and angrier and struggling to learn or behave, which is a self perpetuating cycle, of you don't enforce clear boundaries.

You're getting played. Stop being a wet lettuce

I also would suggest you read them a chapter or two of a book each evening so they get that time with (one of) you, an audio book isn't the same

Definitely the key to this is helping your anxious DC7 to manage bedtime. My DC now 20 was diagnosed at 14 and we didn't know at 7 they were autistic but very anxious at night , bedtimes used to take me ages like yours . The thing which helped was moving into own room ( both DC in one room would wind eachother up all the time ) luckily we had tiny box room . Then we worked out a routine just for them , and eventually it worked . I lost my evenings for a long time so totally understand. The anxiety needs routine and there might be something in the routine that not working for him .
Also look up Naomi Fisher - psychologist who does webinars about this sort of thing .

I always gave them glasses of water (well plastic sippy cups beside their bed. I would suggest making sure they are drinking plenty in the late afternoon too

Yes but these kids are not in fact going to sleep so its not working is it 😂

They are both old enough to understand. During the day at about lunchtime sit them both down and explain your bedtime expectations. Tell them you will sit with them but you won't talk to them. They will have a drink and a snack before bed if they want it but there will be no food or drink once in bed. (They will survive the night). Explain that if they get out of bed there will be a consequence, run through all the reasons they give and explain they do not need to get out of bed or even tell you about them. If they are hot they can take off the blanket otherwise all their other problems will be solved by just going to sleep. Just before bedtime remind them of your expectations and solve all their problems. Such as give a snack, give water, take to the toilet, extra blanket at the bottom of the bed. Then put them into bed and do not say a single word. Do not react to the crying the shouting or anything. Just sit in silence they will eventually go to sleep. Make sure the following day you give praise or consequences depending on their behaviour. The follow through is very important.

"You've had a big dinner and pudding, and a big drink of milk, you're fine." There will be a rare occasion when I can tell he actually means it so will bring him a banana or some water. But very rare.

They're just stalling. "You've had food and drink, it's time to sleep now." End of story. You're giving into it and showing them that it works so of course they keep fucking you about.

They can’t have snacks if they’ve cleaned their teeth

I think you need to start by dealing with your 7 year old anxiety. It will always be difficult if he cannot be left alone. He should by now be fine to go to the loo on his own and put himself back to bed. I would tackle this first and then move on. Both should be eating earlier, then have a cut off time for a snack and then bed. You need to stick to it and they will follow it in the end.

You need to stop pandering to the behaviour. Toilet once. Fill drink up before bed and if they finish it it’s tough. They are just delaying going to sleep and you’re giving them the attention. Tough it out

*tea

Can you give an earlier year, then go out for a walk for 30 mins? Then back for bath, supper & bed. I appreciate this may not be possible but I've found it helpful for my kids (similar ages) to help them burn off that last bit of energy.

It sounds like a nightmare for you. I hope you are ok.

W I'd go back to earlier dinner and a snack and water an hour before bed if it takes them that long to ear a snack, if they ask for another at bed time say no and mean it.

Don't put them to bed at the same time , put the younger one first them sit outside the room with the 7 year old and a book if neither of them can be left

If there's any messing about say bed and don't engage anymore

They are not hungry,thirsty, too hot. They are just taking the piss because they know you will give in

I was wondering something like this too. Could they sit on the landing and read a book or something so they can see you in the bedroom but the 4YO can’t see them?

You can say nothing.
Just put the 4 yo back in bed if they start to get out. Like no eye contact, no words.
By responding, even with "sleep time" you're interacting and rewarding the unwanted behaviour.

Four year old seems very aware of the attention seven year old is getting. Can seven year old have a small job / activity in close proximity while you put four year old to bed?

Mine shared a room it could absolute chaos I had to sit in the room some nights it did sort itself out but you need to be firm and consistent it isn't about the thin blanket or when tea time is. It's a learned behaviour and routine to arse about.

Loads of kids have their parents in their room until they sleep... It's perfectly fine to be there.

Just because you wouldn't like it, doesn't mean it's wrong.

What's your bedroom set up like? I'm wondering if you could sit with the 7 year old outside the 4 year old's room and read while the 4 year old goes to sleep with less distraction? I take the lightbulb with me (leaving a nightlight) if I'm doing this.

Do they need to get up early in the morning for a camp or childcare .could you leave them up later. 7:30 seems very early during the summer when it's still bright out.
Mine are 6 and 8 . They stay up till 9:30 during the summer , fall asleep straight away and sleep till 9 the next morning.

You need to be firm. They don’t need a drink or the toilet or a thinner blanket they are seeing how much they can get away with to avoid going to sleep. It’s also quite funny to see adults flustered when you’re a child. Don’t give them the satisfaction, really firm “no” and take them back to bed. Do this consistently until they’re bored of asking because they know what will happen. When you are bending it is turning into a bit of a game they are winning.

I would also move supper earlier so there's wind down time afterwards. We don't have snacks after supper (at about 6). I remind mine (4 and 5) before they leave the table that there won't be anything to eat after that. Then if they say they are hungry at bedtime I can say that I reminded them at supper and now they need to wait until breakfast.

Our routine looks like this:
Supper
5/10 minutes play
I episode of a show we only watch before bed
Bath (every second day)
Pyjamas
Teeth
Books
Bed with music to listen to

Water in a bottle by the bed and only getting up for the toilet.
We do sit with them, but we leave if there's messing around which seems to be a pretty good incentive to stop.