1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

I get where you're coming from. My DD has friends with SEN younger siblings and it's been really hard on them. They envy DD because she has our undivided attention (albeit when she wants it – she's a teen now and mostly in her room!). But equally we've probably been harder on her to buck the stereotype of spoiled brat – she doesn't get everything she asks for and when she was little we instilled it in her that she had to share her toys etc.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the number of children in a family. It’s everything to do with parenting styles. Some parents are involved and motivated. Some parents take the absolute piss.

The first time I took my kids abroad as a single parent was a perfect example. We’d had a really crappy time and I was so looking forward to totally relaxing and chilling with them.

We were approached at the gate in the bloody airport by a single mum with two kids who actually suggested there and then we could ‘buddy up’ for the holiday. I didn’t encourage her in any way but she and her kids turned into the holiday buddies from hell. Essentially she wanted a babysitter so she could focus on her tan and on day 3 she actually asked me if I could babysit so she could go on a date with one of the barmen 😆
She didn’t speak to us the next day when I refused but was back in full on buddy mode by day 5 🤔

Thank goodness @SnappyCroc
here I am happy with my only but panicking about having another due to all these stereo types and posters like these who have directed her reaction to the child instead of the parent.
if I have one I know to be always watching said child and not make sure he latches onto other families kids cause you no, just not on

Oh lord no! Like I said, I have two and that has benefits but I can't pretend it's been a wholly good experience for the older one.

But it's their family reality and, just like your DC, they'll have to deal with it.

Statistics show this isn't the case and actually there are many benefits being an only child. So I wouldn't let this thread worry you.

Okay, my bad! I misunderstood you. I thought you were making a veiled dig that onlies were spoiled.

I agree, there have been loads of dump and run posts of late, but reading the replies is still interesting.

Hard agree. MN seems to think only children are either spoiled brats who spend their days going 'me, me, me' or clingy, needy loners desperate for attention. The only kids I know, mine included, are down to earth, happy, secure and sociable.

Because it's backed up by statistics. And this is part of how it happens. Kids who are encouraged to develop these social skills early on do well later on in life.

If you know it's horrid, why share it?

Also can I just say as the parent of one child how fucking dispiriting and upsetting it is to see yet another thread stereotyping only children as weird, needy loners? It is genuinely making me want to leave MN, which is sad as I’ve been on here for more than 10 years.

No skin in the game (I have two children), but I understand a bit more from this thread how only children grow up to be so confident and successful compared to kids from larger families.

And yes, horrid stereotype, I'm aware, but then this thread is based on one.

Note that the OP hasn’t been back after the original post. I assume she got the reaction she wanted.

I honestly think this is your problem, if it's happening to you on every holiday that's telling you something?
Your kids sound old enough not to need watching like a hawk.
Mine are 9 & 13 and strong swimmers, and in a shallow pool on holiday. Yes there will always be at least one adult sitting where we can see them (or in the pool with them) but that doesn't mean we can't read etc too? They're not babies.
If they make friends with other children I think that's lovely but I don't feel responsible for the other children, and if it was time for us to leave or go for lunch etc I would just tell the other child we're leaving now. Likewise I wouldn't expect another parent to be responsible for my child just because they're playing together.

I used to get this on days out by myself with my three kids - hated it - especially as it was usually one child usually with several adults ie many pair of hands - few times I returned child and asked wtf - apparently they thought I was a child minder - despite my kids looking like and each other and them calling me Mum. Even if I had been a childminder they weren't paying me to watch their kid.

DH an only child and has no truck with this at all - I tend to be fine till they upset my kids or get over demanding - then they get taken back.

Such a good point!!!

In my experience the amount of time children get to be alone, or with other children, without a hovering adult these days is next to non-existent. I'm often seeking opportunities to let my children have freedom in an environment where I feel safe letting them explore/play away from me a bit so they gain experience of autonomy and a sense of self. I'm genuinely not doing it so I can absolve myself of responsibility and am usually trying to seem nonchalant whilst actually trying hard to be aware of where they are and what they're doing. Society makes me feel like I should be within arms distance of them at all times but I feel like that is seriously detrimental for their own personal development! You genuinely can't win!!

Another child, old enough not to need a parent hovering over them 24/7, is playing with your kids. That's a pretty normal thing to happen in any location where there are lots of kids playing. No-one asked you to watch the other kid. YABVU.

Hmm. I think there might be a lot of 4 child families who are avoided by one child families this summer.

Whenever DH and I went on holiday with teen D's it was embarrassing as D's is very used to playing with younger DC as he has a lot of younger cousins he saw and played with a lot. We used to say go to him be careful with younger cousins. On the beach he'd be playing football with DH and younger DC would come to join in and DS was really good with them passing the ball to them with less force. Before we knew it he'd attracted 3 or 4 younger kids. DH came and had a coffee and DS was left playing football with these you get kids. After a while DS decided to build a big sand castle and these younger kids all helped him. After a few hours of him doing this one of the parents of one of the younger boys came over with an ice cream for their DS and 1 for my DS who they called his new friend. For the rest of the week wherever we went this 8 year old kept finding my DS and following him around, in the hotel pool, on the beach and even at crazy golf he popped up. My DS said he felt like a child minder while parents of this younger child used to hang around smiling and waving at their DS in the background.

I was that kid. We're a family of five, but I'm much younger than my siblings, so I often found myself alone as they grew up and moved out. It was quite lonely. My parents would play with me a lot but, let's face it, kids are more fun. So, I'd often go off to find friends at the park, the beach, or on rare family holidays.

You seem to feel like this is having a genuinely detrimental affect on your parenting experience. Do your children also not enjoy having additional playmates? Even when there are loads of you it can be fun to play with others. We always enjoyed having friends over etc, mixed up the dynamics a bit.

Learning how to approach and befriend others from a young age has been a real advantage in life. I'm good at making friends and get along well with a wide range of people at work and elsewhere. I genuinely believe this is largely because I learned early on how to connect with people from different families and backgrounds in various settings.

Now, I encourage my own kids to make friends and play with others and I'm more than happy to be the parent keeping an eye when other children come over to play with mine if we're in a situation which calls for supervision. Haven't felt like it's been a burden at all.

Would agree with others though it feels like an easy win to say to the parents 'just a heads up I've got my hands full being responsible for my 4 so, it's lovely to have them all playing together but I'm not actively keeping an eye out for 'x'. As long as you're happy with that!' or words to that effect. Seems like a swift and polite way to resolve your problem, set out expectations and still let the kids enjoy each others company without anyone feeling bad about it.

Parenting styles vary & as long as children are safe & well cared for there is no right or wrong. Personally I'm one of the parents who would never take their eyes off under 10s on holiday. I still relax but while they are playing in the pool it would be either me or DH on the lookout or both. To add someone elses child into the mix would be a step too far. If an only child joined in I would have no hesitation letting the parents know their child is welcome to join in but I can't be held responsible if they have an accident. Hopefully this would be enough to make the parents lookout for their own child. I have had this happen on a few holidays OP & I agree you are right in feeling put upon.

I don't know, you'd need to ask the op. I have found this to be a split tbh, there are too many unengaged patents, it doesn't matter how many kids they have, that has nothing to do with it imo.

This!!! We’re a one child family of a three year old and on our last holiday the older 5 year old sibling from a two child family latched on to us everyday day at the pool his dad ready a bloody novel!!!

OP please don’t enforce the false rhetoric that only child families are needy, you makes us sounds like weirdos. Get over yourself.

Surely if you had a million children so they would entertain each other, you're dong the same thing as the mother of the only child who is encouraging her child to hang out with your kids so she can have a break? Neither of you are mothers of the year 😂

You don't need to watch someone else's child... either you're there anyway watching your own children, or they're old enough to leave to it. Obviously you prevent them killing themselves, as I hope anyone would do if they noticed a child in danger. But you're not responsible for them.

Also agree that if an adult is involved in a game, or actively playing with their children then they also become a magnet for other children.

This can be true, i agree, and it is annoying.