1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

We have 2 kids and enjoy other kids coming over when we're at the park or campsite as it changes the play dynamics a bit. I don't even mind sharing snacks, although I do get them to check with their parents it's OK.

I absolutely 100% draw the line with the pool or sea though. I don't particularly like having 2 kids on my own as my youngest is not swimming yet so needs constant attention but sometimes needs must. There's no way I want to add another kid to the mix. It's too much responsibility if something went wrong.

I have 5 and it’s something I’ve always hated. I have enough, they all get on yet constantly people want to add more to the ‘fun’ and leave me to it. The dynamic is different, someone ends up excluded or upset. It’s never as smooth.
I just have 3 younger ones at home now but what is typical is I acquire a child per child of mine. I’m always ‘already going’ or doing something with three and there’s ’just One more’.
The other day a mum for each of mine tried to tag on swimming. That’s 6 kids. That’s being an unpaid play worker.
I think the root of my annoyance is I never get a break and no one takes my crowd or offers to switch. If I say fine- I’ll watch them half the time then you watch them they are horrified to be left with so many children. Yet they think I’m super woman.
My worst moment was another mum friend with 4 and my 3 went swimming. That’s 7. At the door another mum declared a migraine and dropped 2 on my friend before she could react (form for this). I got guilt tripped to take a friend with a baby sibling as it was apparently too hard to go with a little one (like I did for years…) and then one was dropped off as she thought it was ok as before. Another child was dropped off at the car park as apparently my 8 yr old had oked it (said she hadn’t…). Swimming with 12 kids and 2 adults. Was ridiculous. Yes they were 8 to 12 year old swimmers and every mum swore they were ok alone (over 8 can swim there alone) but the reality was a nightmare. Then of course the issue at home time, you can’t exactly just leave them in the foyer and not care if they can get home. All these mum knew they weren’t getting in the pool for various reasons but turned up with changed children all excited to create pressure and push it. Probably knowing it’s a no otherwise.
That was a learning curve. I now will hand back a crying disappointed child.

I'd be annoyed if the parent(s) just got up and wandered off to the bar or somewhere, leaving their child being supervised by me but otherwise, no.

This is what kids do on holiday, I've taken all of mine and sometimes single children have tagged on to them and have taken my youngest without the older ones and she has tagged on to others.

The child isn't your responsibility, if you leave the pool just say to the Mum "we're off now, your child's still in the pool btw".

In your experience, maybe, but not in mine. My only child dd was never really the one pursuing other kids on holiday. Other kids did tend to pursue her, including kids with siblings. I know other one-child families where the dynamic has been similar. If you think only children are more likely to attach themselves to other families, it's probably just confirmation bias - you notice it more when they're only children because of your preconceived ideas about them.

Of course, only children like to play as much as other children, but kids with siblings like to make friends outside of their family group as well. I think these stereotypes arise be a the parents of multiples often assume that only children will be lonely and that they will therefore need to seek out other kids in order to be happy. However, the parents of only children often tend to interact with their kids in a different way, and the kids are often more than happy to spend their holidays with just their parents.

My dd was always very sociable and she had loads of social interaction with kids when we were at home and holidays were supposed to be about our time as a family. We didn't need other people's children to entertain her in the slightest.

Yabu for taking any kind of responsibility for "watching" a random child.

My only-child is a teen now so wouldn't do this any more but when younger would link up with random othet kids on the beach. That's how kids play. It wouldn't cross my mind for a moment that the other children's parents would feel I was opting out of parenting just because my child was playing with theirs. Once my child was old enough to follow appropriate safety rules without being constantly watched of course I am going to relax and read my book. I'm not expecting any othet adult to do anything for my child, just letting kids be kids.

I think a lot of this is happening in your own head op, maybe you have some kind of elevated hyper-vigilance requirement for your own children and can't cope with other parents having confidence that the kids are alright?

I don't get it.

The only problem you've identified is parents assuming you're looking after their kids while they stop watching them. That's shit behaviour in any context.

The whole notion that you don't want your kids to play with other children is a bit much. They might not always want to galavant around as a band of four. I have siblings but we loved going off and making our own friends on camping holidays, its part of the fun.

I find this too! And often because the parent of the child who is hanging about with us has a baby. Which is fair enough, if you have a 3yo and a baby then of course you need the 3yo to go play by themselves but sometimes they see me playing with DD and want to join in. I’m not totally against it but it is more awkward to be with another toddler/ preschooler and also DD, especially when they ask me to lift them onto things or if they get hurt. However when DD is older we’ll definitely be happy if she makes a friend on holiday or days out, and wouldn’t palm her onto that family and would still be happy to be involved and play with both children if they want us to.

Ignoring in what way? I was answering with my experience. If yours is different then presumably you would say that?

I mean it’s blindingly obvious but the vast majority of parents of larger families did actually have only or two child families first.

What a nasty thread. Some women just don't get past the bitchy playground stage do they?

This.

People are really misunderstanding the issue here.

I have an only, thanks to secondary infertility. I certainly wouldn't expect another mum to keep an eye on mine in the pool, but equally I wouldn't want my kid hanging out with kids whose parent is so disdainful and spiteful about her wanting to join in playing with hers. It can be really hard for only kids to put themselves forward in a social situation – if I thought a parent was sneering at her for trying I'd be bloody angry. You say you're not a cold-hearted bitch but that's how you are coming across.

Ah this makes me a little sad as we have an only, but not old enough to find friends on holiday yet.

Can completely understand the frustration though so this post is now etched in my brain for when that time comes 😂.

We tend to get the larger families asking to come on holiday with us to share the childcare load over the week 😂.

Send each child back every time.
Add a line to the note - Dear Guardian, We have plans. The park/beach/pool looks great though - hope you both enjoy.

This is definitely about the parents and not the number of kids they have, and YABU for that reason. It sounds like you don’t bother to watch your 4 though when they’re playing themselves though so that’s odd that you only feel the need to do so when they’re playing with another child.

I’d wonder over to the relaxing parent and say “Hi, it’s lovely for your son to join in but you do need to watch him in the pool, my eldest two can keep an eye on their younger sisters but can’t be responsible for yours too”

Society is well and truly down the shitter isn't it? And people are puzzled as to why. Everyone is an npc to that gets in the way now.

It's really not the same, nowhere near.
Also, are you ignoring all the posts from parents of 1 child?

I've always liked DS picking up other kids. You have to be at quite an anti-social extreme to object to your kids making a friend. If they are in the way, just send them back. Parent not watching at the pool, tell a lifeguard or other staff member.

We had a situation the other day where DS started playing with a little girl and the dad clearly seemed put out, so we called him back - and cue little girl attached to our table, then following DS round. After a few goes of dad trying to fetch her and her running back, he relaxed and left well alone. Kids play, as long as they are safe just leave them to it.

It's not about one child families IME - we had two siblings attach themselves to us while we were camping this year. I was happy to have them join in to a point but it did start to take the piss.

I have two dd's and own a static caravan so we're away at least every other weekend so find ourselves in this situation a lot.

We always seem to have children congregating at ours and over the last 4 years my dd's have only been to another families van once.

The 3 standout moments are a boy aged about 5 who just wouldn't leave us, he wouldn't stop trying to mess with our dog despite me repeatedly telling him to leave her alone and then him coming up to me with his shoes that he couldn't get on and telling me I needed to use one of my spoons to put them on.
Another time a child latched onto us and would knock the door at 7am to play, I did get fed up of her so sent them all to her caravan with the instruction that it was their turn to play at their van but they were sent straight back because her Dad wanted to sleep.

Lastly is a boy who we see regularly and he goes there with his Nan, again he spots dd's and comes over with a note from his Nan telling me what times he needs to be sent back for lunch, dinner and bedtime.

Like op I don't mind my kids making friends, it's part of being on holiday but I don't want to have sole responsibility for watching someone else's child while their parents use me as a babysitter.

To be fair only children do tend to do this more in my experience. I mean why wouldn’t they, it’s like single men being more likely to chat you up. Only children like to play as much as the next kid.

YABU. Kids have a right to approach and ask to play with other kids in a public setting. And your responsibility is to watch your kids (not others) if there may be danger present. Whether the other parent is being a responsible parent or not is irrelevant.

I have an only, and we often attract another dcs. I don't mind at all. It really isn't that hard and if it gives some poor overloaded woman a break for a couple of hours, it really doesn't bother me.

It's not hard work watching two dcs instead of one. I generally say hello to the other mum.

We always end up being this family too. I don't really mind it. Once you have 4 I don't think an extra one makes much difference.

You sound harsh, OP. Nice that yours have a ready made gang to hang out with but other kids are allowed to make friends too and yours can surely rebuff any advances. Also maybe just say to the parent “I’ve got 4 and have my hands full so I assume you’re keeping an eye on yours yourself”. They can’t exactly say “no, watch him please”. Just be upfront. Also I don’t know why you’re picking on parents with one child. Loads and loads of kids making friends on holiday are there with siblings and their parents will be just as keen to palm them off. Not all siblings are best buds or happy to play just with each other.