1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

@HelenTudorFisk

Ok, it seems that kid is a pita, but by the time my kids were 9 they were competent club swimmers and I would be perfectly happy to leave them playing in a pool by themselves. I wouldn't have left but I wouldn't be watching them like a hawk. Neither would I expect you to.

That must have been a difficult situation for you to navigate, I think I probably would have taken my 6 yr old and left, as frustrating for you as that must have been.

As a slight aside, because of my job and my hobby, all swimming, I have been in hundreds upon hundreds of pools. I have never once seen one that wasn't 8 years and over can go in unaccompanied and certainly not 12.

I'm happy for my DC to play with others. On holiday, in the park, whatever. But my beef is with parents who see me as free childcare while they fiddle with their phones, have a nap or even just disappear. We have been out to eat as a family and had a child (ignored by his parents) come and hover around our table wanting to chat while we eat. We had two siblings (6 & 8) waiting for us by the lift every morning so they could go down to breakfast while mum had a lie in. DH often attracts hangers-on when playing with our children. Happy for them to join in, but parents need to be about keeping an eye out and when we leave or go to eat they need to return to their own base. It's not an only child thing - often the older sibling of an attention-consuming toddler. Sometimes I suspect it's first marriage kids on holiday with parent & new partner & possibly new half-sibling. Sometimes it's just lazy parents who seize an opportunity to have some personal time. We have got better at returning kids to base when needed. No hints, no beating about the bush, just tell them they need to go back to their own families now. Be unambiguous - it's not rude, it's giving clear directions. Kids appreciate distinct boundaries.

Um, no we kept to entertaining our child and let the larger families do the same! If people want their kids entertained then send then to a kids club.

As the Mum of an only until my eldest was 8, I experienced this very differently. There’s a lot of lazy only child tropes on here.

Parents of more were often asking for favours picking up X because Y had yogalates or whatever at the same time. Rarely reciprocated paydates, because it’s easier when there are siblings of the same age, yada yada yada, even though if they had boys close in age I’d usually invite and host both. I once hosted all three of my eldests bestie’s siblings in an emergency. Did the Mum ever get off her arse and host my kid? No. Even though her son was regularly asking (in my earshot) for mine to come over. Yes, if I had an emergency some of these Mums would step up. But otherwise wouldn’t as they perceived it might make their lives even a modicum harder. And, of course, Sagittarius, only has one so it’s easier for her… I know this, because the invites started coming thick and fast when my youngest was born. But I was very glad when my eldest later outgrew these friendships, and got a new group with much more welcoming, reciprocal, open-spirited Mums.

My husband and I are engaged parents, who regularly play with other kids in the park. We don’t discourage ours from approaching others, but make ourselves obvious and available to their parents and will go and introduce ourselves. But I’ve often found it much harder when a sibling pair latches on with mine because they bring all their bickering with them — whereas only children tend to just fit in.

See now you are just making up any old story to suit your narrative! I think some parents are just more relaxed, even in the same family. I grew up with lots of siblings and with very relaxed parents who left us to play together and so that's my approach. My husband grew up with small family, very involved parents who played with them so he has always felt the need to supervise the kids' play.

My husband and I used to get into arguments about this because when we went on days out or to family/friends' parties, he would hover over our kids like a hawk while I would take the opportunity to catch up with friends and relax. He would then get annoyed at me because I''m not watching the kids and he's the pied piper that all the kids there have now attached themselves to because playing with an adult entertainer is fun. I told him if he just chilled out and also spoke to adults, our kids and the other kids would play together - that's what the entertainment/ bouncy castles/ play areas are for. Lo and behold once he stopped being a martyr, he also now gets to enjoy the events and days out we go to.

If a parent wants to be a martyr that's up to them. But if my kid wants to play with yours, I don't expect you to be watching them - I expect our kids to play together independently without adult involvement, just like I did as a child, and just like mine do at home. Same thing if someone else's child comes to play with mine. Obviously this only works for kids age 6/7+. Also only works if the other parent is in the vicinity so they can step in if their child needs help.

I think OP means that the lone child's parent should take their turn in watching all 5 of the children instead of leaving parent of 4 watching theirs whilst having time out to do their own thing. Perhaps parent of 4 would like to have a snooze or a read on the sun lounger too instead of being look out.

@arethereanyleftatall that is true and I also regard myself as quite a ‘laissez fairs’ parent and like them to just play. However when child in question is doing things like - example- crawling under the toilet door, locking it from the inside and crawling out again- when there are only 2 toilets and elderly people in the group it needs some input 🙈😂🤷‍♀️

It seems odd that you are so focused on “1 child families”. We (a “1 child family”) have had this happen to us loads of times over the years (on holidays and days out), usually where the older child has left the parent(s) and younger siblings to play with our similar aged child.

We don’t normally mind, as long as the parents are still in sight, but what I have found frustrating/ concerning is when parents have disappeared leaving a child who we wouldn’t feel is old enough to leave alone.

I have an online child 😁Now that is the way forward! Then there's no problem with them at the beach- they can all be safe playing with their online friends in their virtual online pool while all the parents read their books!

This. How selfish and insular is society becoming?

Wouldn’t you save any kid that you see drowning and not just the tag along friend of your kids? I would, but it doesn’t feel like i am babysitting the whole pool.

No. It really wasn’t.

I have an online child (he's 10).

We don't do holidays at big resorts but have done tourist areas in the UK and a hotel in Austria.
I have never palmed him off on another family and nor would I!
Last year, he played football with a few kids in the hotel garden. Me/DH were very close by watching him - I would never expect nor trust an adult I didn't know to watch/look after my son.

To be honest, we spend a lot of time doing things with him/playing with him - we want to spend time with him and he wants to spend time with us, so I wouldn't want him with other families for long periods.

You're being disingenuous. It was clearly aimed at parents with one child who encourage them play with other children.

It isn’t about making friends. OP’s title isn’t ’AIBU to dislike my kids making friends on holiday’, it’s about how (usually only) children attach themselves to her family and their parents then simply assume OP is going to step in and oversee all the kids including theirs. While they sunbathe and relax knowing their child is being entertained by others.

As I said I’m one of 4, we regularly made friends on holiday which was lovely, but occasionally a child would attach themselves to us and mum would feel compelled to supervise (when we were younger), intervene in any squabbles, encourage us to include them, provide snacks for all etc and they even asked to come on trips out with us. I remember one time when mum told a child’s parents that unfortunately we wouldn’t be around to play today as we were going to a local attraction, their response was ‘ok, we will come too and bring X’ 😬

I've always liked it when my kids have made 'holiday friends.' I didn't think I was expected to watch the friend though!

OP's entire opening statement is about how only children wanting to play with hers is a family joke. Completely sneery tone.

I’m an only child .Whenever we went on holiday I was nagged constantly to “go and make friends” I didn’t want to, I just wanted to sit and watch or read my book or swim on my own so it wasn’t as if I was whinging or bothered.

Jeez, some people are taking this incredibly personally and winding themselves up picturing their own child. OP is talking about hangers on and parents that take advantage of other parents, no mention of sneering at children who want to play.

The issue seems to be poor parenting not one child families.

Or they are just so good at it and can magically cope with anything. Not normal humans that get tired and emotional or sick exactly like they do.
I was told the other day ‘but I work!’ by a mum talking about tiredness. I work. My entire identity though was clearly ‘mum’

I have friends like this and I think what you need to realise is that this is the laissez faire approach they take in their own house too. They're not expecting you to parent, they're expecting the kids to just play.

Yes we’ve had that a lot, especially when playing catch in the pool. The child in question never interacted with our child it was more us they seem to want!

Well that’s weird because I wrote it and I never said that

I agree with this. I have lots of siblings, we supervised each other.

Some parents are feckless. Also children are drawn to fun and games. If that means a group of siblings or a parent or child.

When my DC were on holiday with another family, my DH and I took all of the DC for an ice cream. It was a hotel but not AI. A women brought he ds over in an aha moment. They pulled up a chair and gave their child a water bottle. Cannot remember what was said. Something like finally, (name) has been wanted to join the fun. Then walked off. I took followed her and took him back. She could not believe how "selfish" I was. I thought it was inappropriate for her to expect a stranger to supervise her DC.

Turned out, the PIL had been brought in holiday to help out. The menfolk had gone off, MIL had gone for a nap. This women wanted a break too. Holiday clubs are made for this reason.

Playing in the pool, park, beach or whatever is fine. DC will join in games together. I would expect the parents to still keep an eye out and fetch their DC back if the are being a pita or asking for things.