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AIBU?

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Original poster

To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

253 replies

SmartyFace · 21/07/2024 23:52

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

OP posts:
Edingril · 22/07/2024 05:10

A thank you on the day fine, no I dont need an additional thank you after the event

WitchyBits · 22/07/2024 05:10

I've raised 4 kids and done some huge birthday parties. My kids said thank you for coming/for any presents when their friends arrived on the first 10-15 mines and that was that.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 22/07/2024 05:07

SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:02

Really! That's just not how I was brought up. I think it's so rude. I have to say, of about 10 parties so far I have had 6-7 thank you messages. I'd like to think that most people still think like I do.

Never sent one for my own or my kids gifts

We thank in person when we receive a gift - why is that not good enough?
Never seen a need to send a second thankyou days later.

RawBloomers · 22/07/2024 03:51

SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:12

Yes, that's true. I suppose my point was that the effort it would have taken to say thank you would have been much less than the effort I went to in getting the gift? Maybe just me.

Show quote history

The effort you went to in getting the gift was almost certainly less than the effort the hosts went to in hosting the party.

RawBloomers · 22/07/2024 03:49

YABVU.

For presents given in person, as they are at a party, you thank in person. Just as you(r child) thanks the host for the party in person.

A thank you isn’t more genuine or valuable if it’s don’t over text. It’s just more performative.

andfinallyhereweare · 22/07/2024 02:07

We just had our sons party yesterday I’ve just texted 20 thank you messages… really didn’t take long at all. Yanbu

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 22/07/2024 01:46

Glad you've got half an hour to fanny about sending texts...

meganorks · 22/07/2024 00:24

I mean, I did try to when they were younger. But recently my DD had people over for her birthday and ran upstairs with them and presents. She told me she said thanks to the kids. But I've got no idea who gave what!

OhBumBags · 22/07/2024 00:22

OMG I've just had a thought.

Do you also expect teachers to send personal thank yous for all their end of term presents?

OhBumBags · 22/07/2024 00:21

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable.

This did make me laugh. You sound very cocksure 😁

A thank you at the time has always been more than enough for me.

I find it more genuine anyway face to face, rather than knowing that a parent has sat down and tasked themselves with doing all the thank yous.

Turophilic · 22/07/2024 00:20

To extended family members at Christmas and birthday, YANBU.

Following a KS1 party, which is generally bloody chaos with masses of children, YABU.

Doingmybest12 · 22/07/2024 00:16

Things like this take the joy out of something quite simple and sweet. I I just want hi, they had a great time, here's some cake to take home, thanks for coming and for the gift. It is a good exchange, party fun and a gift.

Original poster
SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:12

TheresaCrowd · 22/07/2024 00:10

But surely a packet of sweets would be just as worthy of thanks, so I still don't understand why you're mentioning the 'personalised' gift?

Show quote history

Yes, that's true. I suppose my point was that the effort it would have taken to say thank you would have been much less than the effort I went to in getting the gift? Maybe just me.

OP posts:
2Rebecca · 22/07/2024 00:11

I thought a thank you in person at the time was fine. As long as you say thank you at some point I don't see the need for umpteen thank yous and never expected them either.

BobbyBiscuits · 22/07/2024 00:10

I would expect the kid to say thank you on the day when handed the gift. But if it was a little kids party then they would be getting lots of inexpensive gifts so I wouldn't expect a thank you card.
I think kids and adults should send thank you cards to close friends and family and for larger gifts. And I always send thank you cards to people if they invite me to their home for a meal.

TheresaCrowd · 22/07/2024 00:10

SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:05

I usually make a note when my DC open their presents - who each thing was from. Then the next day I spend maybe half an hour sending individual messages. "X loved their writing set, it was really kind of you" etc. It's not a lot of effort.

The personalised thing was just to make the point that I don't just give a packet of sweets or something - I actually put thought in. I'm not expecting them to gush over my generosity or anything like that! But an acknowledgement would be nice.

But surely a packet of sweets would be just as worthy of thanks, so I still don't understand why you're mentioning the 'personalised' gift?

Original poster
SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:07

PaminaMozart · 22/07/2024 00:06

No thank you is poor, but I consider a catch all message to the entire WhatsApp group "thank you all for coming, Imogen had a great time and thank you all for her presents" more than adequate.

Yep - individual is better but that would definitely suffice

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 22/07/2024 00:06

No thank you is poor, but I consider a catch all message to the entire WhatsApp group "thank you all for coming, Imogen had a great time and thank you all for her presents" more than adequate.

Milkandtwosugarsplease · 22/07/2024 00:06

Doingmybest12 · 22/07/2024 00:03

Don't they say thank you when they receive them at the party?

This is my thought too, OP did the child not thank you (or your child) when they received the gift? I wouldn’t expect another thank you. Yes, it’s sweet to get a text but I wouldn’t be upset to not get a second thank you.

Original poster
SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:05

I usually make a note when my DC open their presents - who each thing was from. Then the next day I spend maybe half an hour sending individual messages. "X loved their writing set, it was really kind of you" etc. It's not a lot of effort.

The personalised thing was just to make the point that I don't just give a packet of sweets or something - I actually put thought in. I'm not expecting them to gush over my generosity or anything like that! But an acknowledgement would be nice.

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 22/07/2024 00:04

HeddaGarbled · 22/07/2024 00:02

Children’s parties are carnage. Your personalised gifts won’t have made a tiny dent in the mum’s consciousness. She’s probably still in recovery.

My thoughts exactly.

A thank you text to the group chat is the norm but I don't judge when I don't get one - there's always a thank you for coming and a thank you for the gift at the party itself.

The parents have suffered enough, and then their reward is 20 new toys that they need to find room for. <shudder>

TheresaCrowd · 22/07/2024 00:03

SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:02

Really! That's just not how I was brought up. I think it's so rude. I have to say, of about 10 parties so far I have had 6-7 thank you messages. I'd like to think that most people still think like I do.

So you're moaning because only 3 or 4 didn't?

Doingmybest12 · 22/07/2024 00:03

Don't they say thank you when they receive them at the party?

HeddaGarbled · 22/07/2024 00:02

Children’s parties are carnage. Your personalised gifts won’t have made a tiny dent in the mum’s consciousness. She’s probably still in recovery.

Original poster
SmartyFace · 22/07/2024 00:02

Really! That's just not how I was brought up. I think it's so rude. I have to say, of about 10 parties so far I have had 6-7 thank you messages. I'd like to think that most people still think like I do.

OP posts:
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