Should I tell him?

I did actually tell the new partner, I was pregnant and planning to get an abortion. We went out for 3 years after I fell pregnant before knowing him a month.
It wasn't an issue in our relationship as we both knew it was for the best. We never mentioned it after a couple months had passed

If you see this relationship going somewhere in the future, I think I'd be inclined to tell him for the sake of honesty.
It's your body and your decision what you do but I'd want to be honest with someone I potentially saw as a partner because telling him at a later date would be difficult, as would keeping it from him.

I had an abortion at 30 with a 3 year old at home ( was married for 10 to DD father, he cheated and left us both while she was under a year old)
After 2 years single I went on my first date in 10+ years, booked a doctors appointment to get a coil. While waiting for the coil fit I fell pregnant. My own fault for not taking more precautions.

My brain was how do I tell my toddler that there will be a new baby who has a different dad to her who neither of us barley know when I was living with my mum and struggling as a single mum anyway!

I've never regretted it, and my DD had not been the easiest child over the years to care for

I would tell him but make sure you frame it that you have already made your decision.

If you think you might end up in a relationship with him, you wouldn't want to always have that secret from him would you?

There's your answer ❤️ xx

I wouldn't tell him OP. I helped a friend go through something similar and she regretted telling the man as he was highly stressed and not helpful. It may be tricky in the future for you to keep it a secret but I wish you the best of luck with the termination x

I really can’t think of a reason to tell him. Irrespective of whether the relationship has legs, you’ve made the hard decision that this is not the right time for you to have another child. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, I can’t imagine it’s been an easy decision to come to.

Would your feelings/decision change if you told him & he begged you to keep it & promised emotional & financial support throughout?
If the honest answer is that it wouldn’t make any difference & you’d still terminate, then it’s kindest to both of you to not tell him… ever.

If his reaction might make you rethink, then you should tell him and allow him some input.

ultimately… your body, your choice.

I voted that YABU to not tell him because is is currently stressed.

If you don't want to tell him, then don't. But the motivation for not telling him should be what is best for you. Not what is best for him.

I don't think telling him would add anything to this situation, unless you feel having his support would help you. You seem to know what is the best decision for yourself and your DS, at the moment, and you can't be sure how your friend would react.

No, I think you’re reasonable to make a solo decision on this.

However, please sort reliable birth control if you haven’t already.

I personally wouldn't tell him OP. No need for justifications, he's a mate and a casual lover and who knows what life will look like with him further down the road. Do what's right for you and the child you've got here and now.

And a big hug to you too; life's a kick in the dick at times, isn't it?

And what would 'having a say' look like to you?

Insisting the OP goes through 9 months of pregnancy, subsequent childbirth and then a postnatal period of time, just so he can have his baby?

Nope.

I wouldn’t tell him unless you either want his input on the decision, or you plan to keep it. If neither applies I would not involve him.

This exactly

I see no reason to tell him especially if you are certain you wish to terminate. I hope all goes well with you, Op. 💐

He shouldn’t have a say because he isn’t the one who’s pregnant. This is the OP’s decision about her own body.

Personally I wouldn’t tell your friend about your termination. You’ve made a completely valid choice. It’s your decision about your body, and I don’t think anyone would benefit from him being told about it. If you felt you needed his emotional support on the day, that would be different, but it sounds from what you’ve said that you’re confident about the choice you’ve made and are comfortable going alone.

You do need to look at birth control as a matter of urgency, especially as your situation with your friend seems very messy and undefined. I strongly doubt a FWB set-up is going to work here.

It depends. How do you feel about him and do you think your relationship would go anywhere? (If yes, do you think it would make any difference to your wanting/not wanting the baby?)

Agree with this

If you decide not to tell him (which is your right!). I would just caution that I wouldn't tell him any time after either. No mater how far into the future you get, you can't tell him.

What a bag of bollocks.

It's not a life, It's cells and tissue. Stop trying to manipulate someone who's already struggling