To be concerned about DD?

The more I read, the more I see where other posters are coming from. You actually remind me a lot of my own mother. She has always wanted me to be a mini version of her. To think the same way, to feel how she feels, to adore the people she adores. It's made me massively resentful of her.
Your daughter is her OWN person with her OWN needs and likes. She doesn't have to be like you. She is not obliged to live how you want her to live as she is not you. Why can't you see that?
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with her, let her be herself and stop forcing your ideals on her. She sounds lovely and you should be proud of her. I would feel so hurt if my mother came on here and wrote a post like that about me. I feel sorry for your daughter to be honest.

She could ask about volunteering opportunities at the museum to see if it’s the sort of life she’d like.
But she sounds just fine.

Your concerns are valid - you just want her to have a well rounded and fulfilling life. Hopefully university will be a positive influence on her.

I am this introverted. I have not lived with my parents over 20 years and I’m quite fine thank you

@spiderplant7 all your comments are written through the lens of what you think is important. She clearly doesn’t agree.
She isn’t lonely, she’s comfortable happy confident. She doesn’t need to be the same as anyone else.
Your idea of what constitutes “wasting her youth” is extremely narrow. Perhaps she thinks travelling and partying is wasteful?

If she's got plans for uni and aspirations for work I wouldn't worry too much. I think 18 can actually be a really awkward age, give it time, maybe she'll blossom later or maybe this is how she is.

It sounds like she is interacting with people just fine, getting on with people of different ages is a skill I wish I'd had at her age.

I think you’re over thinking it. She’s 18 and planning to go to uni in September. Her life is only beginning, she’s going to change and go through 101 more phases over the next 10 years. You don’t know how she expects to find a husband staying home making cookies - again, shes 18!

Shes the only one without a partner or child - seriously OP? So what? She’s got her family, accept her! She’s got several years of uni, jobs, etc. to get through. She will have a few boyfriends in time. I had no idea at 18 what job I’d like or how my life would turn out.

I think most partners are made via work...if thats a concern

My long term friends are all connected from work.different jobs/companies.. I don't have loads but they are good friends.. think quality over quantity....

If she's going to uni she may meet people there she clicks with.. theres all sorts of interests /socials at Uni .... Think there's an afternoon tea one at Exeter! As an example

I know noone from my school days now ... And not many even as a teen although socialsed a bit ...

Dh through friend at work too ..

Leave her to it, shes young yet and you sound quite fixed on what and how she should be....

Agree with this.

There is nothing wrong with this - might be different if she was unhappy, lonely, didn't like her life, but she sounds very content.

Please don't give her a complex that her introverted ways are wrong or she needs to change. I'd feel reassured by this, knowing she was likely safe etc. let her be who she wants to be 😊

She sounds like me at that age. I didn’t party or socialise. I had a good group of friends in college but didn’t really see them outside of there. My mum was concerned i was going to drop out of university because I was so introverted.

I LOVED university, I loved having my independence and being able to be where I wanted to be, when I wanted to. I met likeminded people and we would hang out chatting in each other’s rooms or having a drink in the cafe or whatever. I was so comfortable and just wanted to spend time with people who I felt comfortable around.

I remember my university years fondly, I didn’t miss out by not drinking or partying. I joined clubs that I was interested in and had the best time.

I’m still very introverted, but happy to be that way.

She doesn’t have to be like everyone else in your family. She’s happy as she is. Stop trying to mould her into someone she’s not. Stop trying to make her hang out with people she doesn’t actually like. Why would she have to get along with some random kid just because they happen to be the child of your friend? She has friends that she likes. It’s weird to be trying to engineer the social life of a teenager anyway; she’s not a five-year-old who needs you to set up play dates.

I guarantee you that your DD is fully aware that she isn’t the person you want her to be, and I guarantee you that it’s hurtful to her. So perhaps just let her live her life in the way that suits her, and love her for that, rather than despite it.

I would be much more focussed on what kind of career she is going to have. That is what builds lives and gives choices(and often a v good place to meet partners)
what are her plans post uni? There are loads of history grads every year. What transferrable skills has she developed? What work/ volunteering experience does she have- via church/ library/ community?

Absolute tosh, the OP describes a young woman who enjoys church, going for a walk, has friends (albeit older ones), and is hoping for university or full time work. Her hobbies/goals are realistic and take her out into the community. This is not the same as someone who cloisters themselves in one room for any reason (whether that's gaming or not). I am honestly shocked by anyone who feels this person has the wrong view on life just because they're not out partying with people they don't like.

Different things make different people happy. Not everyone experiences loneliness in the way you do. Some people enjoy their own company and don’t have the same needs that you do, and don’t have to be moulded into your personal idea of what a ‘normal’ person is.

In any case, the OP says her adult daughter does have friends. She just doesn’t go to parties or hang out in a group of teenagers all the time, because that isn’t what she enjoys. She’s simply living her life in the way that suits her. She isn’t lonely and she probably never will be. There are millions of happy people out there who are exactly like her; they’re not withering away in isolation.

It’s pretty obvious from your comments that you’re exceptionally narrow-minded and that you don’t really understand people unless they are exactly like you. Your idea of ‘care and attention’ seems to be telling perfectly normal and happy adults that they are ‘stagnating’ and ‘wasting their lives’ because they prefer baking to parties, which sounds a lot more like ‘overbearing, ignorant and judgemental’ than ‘careful and attentive’.

Have a nice day, mate

You keep implying that she isn't social, but she is? You've referred to her having friends several times, and that she goes to church. She's also open to the idea of university and leaves the house for the activities she enjoys- she is a social person. It's normal to want the best for your child and to hope they feel fulfilled, but it's worrying how much you want to mould her into a younger version of yourself or a copy of other family members. In 20 years she may not regret how she spent her youth, but you may regret the relationship you created between you.

Some people are introverts and like their own company. As long as she's happy, leave her be

I didn’t go out having a mad social life, @spiderplant7, or date a lot, and I still found a lovely man - we’ve been married nearly 32 years and have three sons, one daughter in law and a granddaughter.

A previous poster mentioned ‘finding her tribe’ - and this resonated with me. It may take your dd a while but I am sure she will find her tribe too - and she is far more likely to find that tribe, or a special someone, if she does the things that make her happy. If she pushes herself into a life that isn’t ‘her’, the people she will meet there will be people who do love that lifestyle - and won’t that make it hard for her to find someone on her wavelength?

Do you mean to imply in that those who live differently are bad/not good.

or just that other people says things which you repeat- but aren’t prepared to be drawn as to whether you share that view or disagree.

Well, times change. Until very recently, your DD would have been held up as an exemplar of a ‘good woman’.

Perhaps she still is.

I was miserable at her age because I did the social things that people expected me too, it was easier to give into the nagging than stand my ground. I look back and wish I’d had the courage to hoe my own row, I’d have had a much happier time. Good on your daughter for knowing what makes her happy and investing her time in it - that’s the very best kind of story to be able to share with her children in the future. Be proud of her that she seems to have learnt the secret of contentment at a very young age!

I’m not your mate, so don’t presume to use that vile over-familiar term to me. Thanks.

I think the OP’s concerns come from a good place and maybe they will turn out to be unwarranted, but maybe she actually can see a broader picture.

Alone and lonely are different things completely, but devaluing friendships through lower participation in the friendship is a route to loneliness. Friendships take time to develop under to any circumstance , and deserve care and attention.

She might not have found her tribe yet. What I mean by that is, when I was that age, I had friends who I was friends with because I went to school with them but really it was rather surface level, it was only when I went to uni I found people I properly connected with and then actually wanted to hang out with other than at school. This might be the case with your daughter maybe.