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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say DH can’t see female friends alone?

137 replies

Namechange2764 · 21/07/2024 17:25

DH has some female friends I feel he is too friendly with. WIBU to say he can only see them in a group situation with others not one to one?

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 21/07/2024 17:50

Either you trust him or you don’t.

If you don’t, there are greater problems in the relationship than his female friendships.

Grazianoscubanheel · 21/07/2024 17:50

He obviously wants to shag them all, why else would he have female friends.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/07/2024 17:50

Why are you with someone you trust so little?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 21/07/2024 17:49

YABVU. Either you trust him or you don't. If you actually know that he has done anything inappropriate with these women, then you should surely be questioning your relationship rather than trying to control his friendships. If not, then you are being controlling.

HappyToSmile · 21/07/2024 17:49

Are you going to tell us the back story to this one? Because on the face of it, you're being very unreasonable!!

batsandeggs · 21/07/2024 17:46

YABU and would be more effective deal with whatever is causing you to police who he spends time with. Not saying your feelings are unjustified, I don’t know the situation, but if the relationship is in a place where you can’t spend individual time with the opposite sex there are issues to address and work through, rather than breeding more toxicity.

Merryoldgoat · 21/07/2024 17:46

I expect my DH not to cheat, and I expect to not have to manage his relationships in an attempt to decrease the chance he does.

Precisely this.

I don’t remain faithful because my DH polices my friendships - I do so because I want to.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 21/07/2024 17:44

The question you should be asking is whether or not yabu for not trusting him.

And if yanbu for not trusting him, why are you still with him?

StormingNorman · 21/07/2024 17:42

YABU. Why do you feel this way?

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 21/07/2024 17:42

cupcaske123 · 21/07/2024 17:28

I was really cool about close female friends until I got burnt. How exactly is their relationship making you feel uncomfortable?

But do you think you wouldn't have got burned if you'd said "you are not allowed to see them alone"?

Would that have helped? Made the relationship better?

I expect my DH not to cheat, and I expect to not have to manage his relationships in an attempt to decrease the chance he does.

Grazianoscubanheel · 21/07/2024 17:37

Id be more worried about why he's being too friendly with them. He needs to learn some boundaries or fk off if he'd rather be with one of them.

Summerbay23 · 21/07/2024 17:37

YABU - total madness, I recently went for drinks with someone from work (husband totally trusts me and I him, he dropped me off and picked me up and I had a good old chat when I got home about all interesting things chatted about). I would be utterly furious and devastated if DH dictated who I could couldn’t meet as friends. We have been together for almost 30 years though and no reason not to trust each other.

ilovesooty · 21/07/2024 17:37

Not the message I expect you were looking for, but you would be totally unreasonable.

Feelingmentallyunsettled · 21/07/2024 17:36

So who are these female friends - are they women he has known a long time? Or new women in his life?
What sort of situations is he wanting to see them alone in?
You need to provide some context as to why you are concerned.

Merryoldgoat · 21/07/2024 17:35

If you honestly don’t trust him there’s no point. If someone wants to cheat they will. They don’t just do it because they’re left alone with a willing woman (not knowing if his friends are willing obviously).

Thebigfriendlymoth · 21/07/2024 17:34

Yikes, very unreasonable. Either you trust him or you don't.

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/07/2024 17:34

Massively unreasonable and controlling. If you dont trust him, end the relationship.

ZoeLoey · 21/07/2024 17:33

If you don't trust him enough to be around other women you obviously have some reason. Personally i couldn't stay in a marriage like that. Full trust or nothing.

PerfectTravelTote · 21/07/2024 17:30

Yabvu and I'd go so far as to say controlling.

You don't own him.

Divebar2021 · 21/07/2024 17:29

Yes you don’t get to tell adults that they can only see friends under certain circumstances. ( and if he was going to have an affair he would find a way and no amount of control by you is going to stop it Im afraid )

Wedoourish · 21/07/2024 17:29

I have male friends and husband has female .Absolutely not a problem!

Justcallmebebes · 21/07/2024 17:28

Context is everything but in the absence of, yes, you are extremely unreasonable and very controlling

cupcaske123 · 21/07/2024 17:28

I was really cool about close female friends until I got burnt. How exactly is their relationship making you feel uncomfortable?

Sunnydiary · 21/07/2024 17:28

Well either you have crippling jealousy, or he has form for untrustworthy behaviour.

Which is it? Or which came first?

Irie1980 · 21/07/2024 17:28

Jesus just turn the tables and imagine him telling you that you can't meet with male friends! Totally unreasonable.

Not to mention if he's going to have an affair, it'll happen regardless, not because you don't allow him to meet with girl-friends. Either you trust him or you don't. And if you don't then you probably need to call it a day.

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