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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say DH can’t see female friends alone?

137 replies

Namechange2764 · 21/07/2024 17:25

DH has some female friends I feel he is too friendly with. WIBU to say he can only see them in a group situation with others not one to one?

OP posts:
Pinkkisugarmouse · 21/07/2024 18:22

🤔 If it’s a woman he has an affair with before then I can understand why you would put your foot down there but to extend this to all women is unreasonable. If you think he’s this untrustworthy then I don’t see why he would follow your demands anyway. Trust him or leave him.

ByWarmShark · 21/07/2024 18:21

You can say whatever you want. If he's going to have an affair he'll have an affair. The men I've known to cheat often have the wives who won't let them socialise with women (but that's probably because they're not to be trusted)

fortheveryfirsttime · 21/07/2024 18:20

shuggles · 21/07/2024 18:16

If you marry men who talk to women, then there's always a risk that they will cheat with one of their female friends.

That's a ridiculous thing to say.

Kangarude · 21/07/2024 18:19

shuggles · 21/07/2024 18:16

If you marry men who talk to women, then there's always a risk that they will cheat with one of their female friends.

If you marry a man who is going to cheat, he will always find someone to cheat with. Friend or not

MassiveOvaryaction · 21/07/2024 18:18

YABU.

DickJagger · 21/07/2024 18:16

YABU and this is horrible controlling behaviour.

shuggles · 21/07/2024 18:16

If you marry men who talk to women, then there's always a risk that they will cheat with one of their female friends.

fruitbrewhaha · 21/07/2024 18:10

Gosh no. If you don’t trust him, leave him.

ElleintheWoods · 21/07/2024 18:09

What does ‘too friendly’ mean?

Dictating who your partner can see, when and how is extremely controlling. If I would be in your partner’s shoes and you’d tell me that, I would be making plans to leave. And definitely see the friends you’ve told me not to see.

Wheresthebeach · 21/07/2024 18:09

Insanely controlling

KeyWorker · 21/07/2024 18:08

YABU. You either trust him or you don’t. Unfortunately, it appears you don’t. That’s ok, whether there is a back story or not, but if you don’t then what’s the point continuing?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 21/07/2024 18:08

If my husband said this to me with my male friends then it would be the end of my marriage. I’ve given him no reason not to trust me.

rosiers · 21/07/2024 18:07

Clearly a divisive one but it wouldn't be acceptable to me if my DH went to hang out at a female friends house 1:2:1. That said, neither of us have close friends of the opposite sex so the conversation has never come up. If he were to grow close to another woman and wanted to start spending time alone with her, I'd find it a bit weird frankly!

Nchanged89 · 21/07/2024 18:06

Unless be ends up shagging them all everytime he sees them. Yes YABU.

cupcaske123 · 21/07/2024 18:05

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 21/07/2024 17:42

But do you think you wouldn't have got burned if you'd said "you are not allowed to see them alone"?

Would that have helped? Made the relationship better?

I expect my DH not to cheat, and I expect to not have to manage his relationships in an attempt to decrease the chance he does.

Show quote history

They took advantage of my naivety trust. I was accused of being jealous one time as a close female friend was gyrating up and down my boyfriend's leg at a club. One close female friend would sit between us if we were out together and hold hands with my boyfriend and I was accused of not trusting him if I said anything and called paranoid.

They were doing it in front of my face while I put up with it like a numptey thinking I was cool. Like I said, the OP might not be unreasonable, it depends on what her boyfriend is doing.

TheSerenePinkOrca · 21/07/2024 18:04

YABU!

If you can't trust him then the marriage is over.

KreedKafer · 21/07/2024 18:03

YABVU. It’s never OK to control a partner’s friendships.

blueberryforest · 21/07/2024 18:02

It depends on what he's doing that's 'too friendly', in my opinion, as well as the history with these friends (how long he's known them, if there's been any romantic inclinations between them, etc).

I understand not being comfortable with your husband spending a lot of time one-on-one with other women, especially if he's flirtatious with them. I'd find that disrespectful and wouldn't accept it happily, but if he's the sort to want to flirt and become emotionally involved with his female friends, there's only so much you can do to stop him. Explain your feelings, ask him to agree to certain boundaries out of respect and care for you, and go from there.

AndrewPreview · 21/07/2024 18:01

Define "too friendly"

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 21/07/2024 17:55

either he is too friendly with them, in which case banning him isn't goign to stop him. Or he's not too friendly snd you are just paranoid.

ginasevern · 21/07/2024 17:55

I depends really. Have you got reason not to trust him? To be fair, I'm 67 and have worked with/known dozens of men from different demographics over the years. What I've observed is that most of them would shag another woman without hesitation given the opportunity. So there is that.

Cosycover · 21/07/2024 17:52

My best friend is male and we are alone all the time.

Why don't you trust him? This needs more context.

DinnaeFashYersel · 21/07/2024 17:52

If my DH said I couldn't see male friends alone I'd tell him to go and raffle himself.

Equally I've have no wish to control him either.

YABU

rainbowsparkle28 · 21/07/2024 17:52

YABU. And if you don't trust him enough to spend time with females alone then there's bigger issues going on here then whether you are being reasonable saying he can't 🤷🏼‍♀️🤨

BeaRF75 · 21/07/2024 17:50

That's not how marriage works, so YABU. How would you feel if he tried to tell you who you could see?

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