To say DH can’t see female friends alone?

If you feel like this the relationship is over. Get out now.

I think the problem is about emotional fidelity. Which is a far grainier territory than 'fucking'. For example, my best friend's wife was convinced that I still fancied her husband (my best friend) & extrapolated that into endless fantasies in her own head about me & him when HONESTLY neither of us fancied each other AT ALL. Nonetheless she achieved total domination LOL! Yet I will admit that me & my ex-bestie were incredibly emotionally close, so a part of me fully gets why she would have wanted to fuck that up in order to end it.

Do you think it's unreasonable for him to ask you the reverse?

However if you know there are fine cracks in your relationship and your partner is finding new friends I think it's understandable to be worried.

I agree. But banning them from seeing them isn't going to solve any of the problems. It's just papering over the problem.

If a man (or a woman) wants to cheat, they'll cheat. They won't ask for your permission, they'll sneak around and lie.

Well this is the truth of it. Less likely with long term friendships.

However if you know there are fine cracks in your relationship and your partner is finding new friends I think it's understandable to be worried. I mean you just have to look at the marriages around you. How many end with one person or another going off with someone else and how many just split up with no one else involved.

I have a male friend I've known since we were young. We have lunch and coffee together without his partner regularly, and never have I wanted to sleep him. If we had wanted that, there would have been ample opportunity when he was single.

My DH has several female friends, all of whom he sees socially. I have no problem whatsoever with this.

Likewise, I have several male friends. My DH is absolutely fine with this as he knows he has nothing to worry about. However, if he was to start dictating to me who he was allowing me to be friends with he'd be out of the door.

A controlling relationship is never healthy.

Familiarity breeds contempt. The longer a platonic friendship has existed the less likely it is to become something else.

Players will cheat regardless, true but perfectly loyal men and women can be sucked into an affair gradually over time - familiarity, surroundings all play a part.

Also, if there's alcohol involved they may talk about things they really should not.

I disagree. I have a very good male friend who I've known longer than DH. We've been friends when we were both single, and when one or both of us were in a relationship.
We've had years of familiarity, occasions with alcohol, and never once has anything even remotely flirtatious happened. I'm not going to have an affair by accident because I get sucked in without noticing.

I don't think "perfectly loyal" people get sucked into affairs by accident. I think thats what people who want to control their partner's friendships believe. And what people who cheat tell themselves to make themselves feel better about being a cheat. If they end up cheating, they were never perfectly loyal in the first place.

Both DH and I have friends of the opposite sex. Always have done. Neither of us have a problem with the other one meeting a friend for dinner or a drink or whatever.
The thought of not allowing my DH to meet a female friend alone is mind boggling to me. He's a middle aged professor, not a naughty school boy!
Does anyone really think this would work anyway?! You tell your partner they're not allowed but they want to anyway so they lie and say they're meeting a male friend. They see you as a controlling, unreasonable person and start to resent you. If you dont trust him enough to be alone in a restaurant with a female friend why are with him? If a man (or a woman) wants to cheat, they'll cheat. They won't ask for your permission, they'll sneak around and lie.

Hire a chaperone.🙄

Controlling

@Felaku

you are just wrong. My DH meets his female ex-colleague (single) fairly regularly for coffee/lunch.

They are friends, have shared experiences/history/work.

I am capable of having male friends that doesn’t lead to an affair just as he is female ones.

And if he decides to cheat that’s a decision, however it arises. I’m not interested in trying to stop it. If he needs stopping and watching then it’s already a relationship in trouble.

It's really not as simple as he'll either cheat or not.
Players will cheat regardless, true but perfectly loyal men and women can be sucked into an affair gradually over time - familiarity, surroundings all play a part.

Also, if there's alcohol involved they may talk about things they really should not.

Again in real life I do not know anyone who routinely goes out with members of the opposite sex where it's just the two of them to socialise.

I mean it's just fucking ridiculous that in reality any of the posters here really would be cool if their husband's announced they were taking another woman out to dinner.

Not that that would happen if course because nobody who was actually taking someone other than their wife to dinner would announce it because it's obviously not acceptable.

Even a regular coffee /lunch date is borderline dodgy.

If you distrust your DH that much you shouldn't be married to him any longer.

Just wanted to say well done on starting to make a plan to get out (sorry if that sounds patronising, it’s not meant to) and good luck. 💐

And sorry people are dickheads and have been nasty in the past.

Me too. If my husband wants to cheat on me he will and I’ll deal with it if it happens.

I’m not pissing about wasting time gate keeping.

Absolutely. I'm not interested in someone where I have to manage their friendships to make sure they don't cheat (which I don't for a second think works - he'll cheat anyway if he's going to).

I'd have no issue with it. And thankfully DH doesn't have an issue with it either - I'm going for drinks with a male friend (an old colleague I've known longer than DH, and where nothing even remotely flirtatious/sexual/inappropriate has ever happened) just the two of us next week.

and I wouldn’t tolerate my husband thinking he had a say in who my friends are and where I go out with them.

Marriages are different. Shock horror.

My best friend is male, it would be hypocritical for me to do those things with my best friend but think I can control who my husbands friends are.

@MollyMoonshine So you haven't taken note then of the masses of women nowadays who complain that they are their partner/husband's sole source of companionship and emotional support as they seemingly have no other friends?

Me too. If my husband wants to cheat on me he will and I’ll deal with it if it happens.

I’m not pissing about wasting time gate keeping.

I know of a bloke who left for work at 5.30am so he could shag his AP before work (they worked together). He lived sufficiently far from work that it didn’t arouse suspicion. His wife had ‘no female friends’ rules too but he still fucked about.

I’d be OK with it and I’m not lying. Fact.

100% this! No way in HELL would I tolerate my husband going out/socialising with another woman, when there is just the two of them and no-one else!

Going to the cinema, going for meals, having private chats together, doing a hobby together, going for walks together, going for drinks together to the pub/wine bar/restaurant etc. Nah, fuck that! It ain't happening.

Any married woman who says she would be OK with her husband doing this is lying. Fact!

Yeah in real life most adults naturally cool down their friendships with the opposite sex when they're in relationships. It's just a social norm.
The internet definitely doesn't reflect reality for this issue!

Yeah whatever. IDGAF if I am. No fucking way is my dh having one on one meals with another woman. Or taking her to the cinema etc etc.

No wonder there are so many divorces these days if people are cool with their spouses spending lots of one on one time with another man/woman which, incidentally, in real life I don't actually think they are.

I have male friends. If DH said this I'd leave him. I'm a grown woman and he has no right to control me. Same goes for your husband.