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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

She wants to go on holiday?

63 replies

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 14:17

Hi everyone,

I am 27 and have moved back in with my mum after a breakup. My dog also lives with us. She wants to go away for the week on 23rd September to Devon and stay in an AirBnB. However, I already have plans for this date and week. 23rd Sept is the 1 year anniversary of my thriving Meetup group and we are all going to the pub. Tables have been reserved and members have made a voluntary donation towards the upkeep of the group. I then have other stuff planned for the rest of the week. All these events were arranged before she said she wanted to go away, however she wants me to cancel them and join her. I feel bad because she doesn’t have family, friends or anyone else she could go with, but at the same time I really don’t want to cancel my plans and mess people around. She is very angry despite these events being arranged before she asked me and her not having parted with any money yet. She keeps saying I should be bending over backwards for her because she only got the all clear from breast cancer a year ago and has let me move back in with her after my breakup, and that most daughters would even offer to pay for the whole thing. TIA for any opinions/advice

OP posts:
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Wellthisisterrible · 21/07/2024 21:30

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 16:50

Update: I’ve just gone on my phone to discover that both her and the dog (she has created an account for him!) have unfriended me on Facebook.

Well that solves one problem, you definitely can’t go on holiday with people you are not Facebook friends with!! 😂
Keep declined the request when she re-adds you!!
In all seriousness, she sounds absolutely bat shit!! Make plans to move as soon as you can, and stick to them!
You don’t need this amount of drama in your life!

Ellie56 · 21/07/2024 21:16

The dog wants to go away for the week on 23rd September to Devon and stay in an AirBnB?

cauliflowercheeseplease · 21/07/2024 19:26

MelainesLaugh · 21/07/2024 18:44

I can’t believe you and your dog haven’t moved out by now

I think if my mom had racked up a credit card debt in my name I'd be wanting free accommodation until it was paid off! Would be hard to tolerate her but I'd be making a swift exit as soon as I was free of her spending on my behalf.

With everything being so ridiculously expensive these days and OP's circumstances, sometimes needs are a must.

MelainesLaugh · 21/07/2024 18:44

I can’t believe you and your dog haven’t moved out by now

Terrribletwos · 21/07/2024 18:27

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 18:23

Things with my ex ended unexpectedly and I didn’t have anywhere else to go

Don't listen to that.

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 18:23

ginasevern · 21/07/2024 18:21

So despite her seemingly horrendous behaviour (you haven't got a good word to say for her), you chose to go and live with her and bring your dog too? Are you leaving a few details out?

Things with my ex ended unexpectedly and I didn’t have anywhere else to go

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 21/07/2024 18:23

Can't you go for 5 days (which frankly might be plenty!)

ginasevern · 21/07/2024 18:21

So despite her seemingly horrendous behaviour (you haven't got a good word to say for her), you chose to go and live with her and bring your dog too? Are you leaving a few details out?

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 18:10

She is a children’s nurse, so her immature behaviour is a bit concerning

OP posts:
Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 18:09

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/07/2024 18:07

Are you actually sure she had cancer? I knew someone who lied about that

She lost her hair and had letters and stuff from the hospital, so it would seem so. But her family members were messaging me asking if it is true

OP posts:
LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 21/07/2024 18:07

Are you actually sure she had cancer? I knew someone who lied about that

Shinyandnew1 · 21/07/2024 17:22

She sounds like a person you should not have moved in with!

HalebiHabibti · 21/07/2024 17:21

She is trying to make you pick her.

Dayoldbag · 21/07/2024 17:17

You need to focus on moving out asap.
Your mother is a toxic manipulative liar and thief.
Cancer doesn't change that.
Find a room in a house, but get out.
Do not change your plans.

PonyPatter44 · 21/07/2024 17:08

Make a new account for the dog 😁. Your mother is as mad as a hatter clearly unwell , and you cannot be reasonable with a nutter unreasonable person. Put your foot down with your mum, tell her that you will go to Devon with her if she books the other dates, but otherwise you have plans.

In your shoes I would also start looking very hard for somewhere else to live.

cupcaske123 · 21/07/2024 17:02

OP there's obviously something wrong with her. Just grey rock until you can leave. Have you checked your Experian account to see what debts you have? I would phone the National Debt Line to discuss any options.

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 16:50

Update: I’ve just gone on my phone to discover that both her and the dog (she has created an account for him!) have unfriended me on Facebook.

OP posts:
dbeuowlxb173939 · 21/07/2024 16:21

YANBU, she should have checked dates with you. Please don't cancel things.
Why does the holiday have to be that week? Could she not change it to the week before?

Terrribletwos · 21/07/2024 16:08

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 15:33

Nothing diagnosed unfortunately. I have been researching narcissism though. She will run away screaming and physically lock herself in her room if I try and discuss anything with her. I don’t bother anymore.

I used to come home from work and ask things as simple as ‘have you managed to walk the dog today, or do you want me to do it?’ just because I need to know whether he needs to be walked or not, not to make a dig, and she’d just refuse to answer or outright lie, followed by the running to her room screaming and then refusing to come out.

Oh well, there's not much you can do if she is reacting like this. You didn't mention this before, I wonder why? Were you trying to protect her?

You really need to move away from your mum. Is that possible?

Sunnydiary · 21/07/2024 16:04

OK.

My mother is like this, very similar sadly. You know it’s a mistake to live with her, but I appreciate it enables you to reclaim some of the money she owes you.

Given your updates, I wouldn’t go on holiday with her at all. It won’t be a holiday, it will be an endurance test with you as DMs emotional punchbag.

Get yourself straight and move out as soon as you can.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 21/07/2024 16:01

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 15:36

Sorry if I’m being too harsh! I’ll stop now xx

Too harsh? You’re a bloody saint!

macaroniandcheeze · 21/07/2024 15:57

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 15:24

This is quite possible. I used to get a call every Valentine’s Day to travel to hers and housesit the pets ASAP, while she drove to hospital and admitted herself as a patient only to get discharged an hour later because there was nothing wrong with her. Every single Valentine’s Day.

Wow. This is really deliberate and calculated. On the one hand she’s clearly lonely and lacking attention, or the kind of attention she wants, but on the other hand I’m shocked and appalled by some of her manipulative and deceiving behaviours (the credit card!!)

macaroniandcheeze · 21/07/2024 15:55

Doglover321 · 21/07/2024 15:36

Sorry if I’m being too harsh! I’ll stop now xx

If you can’t vent here where can you.

macaroniandcheeze · 21/07/2024 15:54

onethousand · 21/07/2024 15:29

are you sure it's really about company for her?
I have an adult child living at home and won't go on holiday while they are home because I know they are likely not to come.
I like to lock the house up or I couldn't relax.
I'd probably insist on them coming or I wouldn't go.

I’m intrigued by this. Why wouldn’t you prefer an adult to stay in the house and keep it safe, rather than leave it empty? That’s why people pay housesitters.

StormingNorman · 21/07/2024 15:36

She sounds awful. Brace yourself for that week away!!!

Go with your meet-up group as planned. There are 51 other weeks in the year you can go to Devon.