To stop breastfeeding when DD loves it . Mum guilt

I was a long term breast feeding mummy. I breast fed my eldest until he was just under 2 and my youngest until he was 3.5 years.

My best advice for you is to seek advice from breast feeding networks/people who have experience in extended breastfeeding feeding. With all good intentions, people who don't breast feed or don't support extended breast feeding will not give you the appropriate advice in weaning and the effect it could have on you (mental and physically) and your child. This includes GPs(!!!!). I was given some extremely dangerous advice from a GP when I had mastitis!
There's Facebook groups, one I sought a lot of comfort from was FAB breastfeeding.

Someone posted about separation anxiety before and, from my experience, I would agree with that.

At this age breast feeding is most likely more of a comfort mechanism for the baby as opposed to feeding itself. There's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly natural. My youngest would take a dummy so I was able to slip a dummy in when he was tired enough 🙈 if yours won't take a dummy, or you don't want to use one, look up habit stacking. It's a technique to help associate other habits with comfort.

I would just say aswell that, I know whilst you're in the trenches it feels never ending, but I promise you it is. These phases come and go. I remember feeling so lost at times in those early months, but it helped me to think of all the challenges as phases.

Sending you strength! You got this!

We have both scientific research and late-stage capitalism to thank for that - for the viable alternative to breast milk, and the profits to be gained that make producing it worthwhile.

Start with stopping night feeds. Bra and tight top so she can't access and take it from there

Sounds like BF is one of those nature things that can actually be improved on as if it wasn't, it wouldn't be so easy to not do?

She’s old enough for no night feeds now so I would cut them out. You just have to refuse and soothe with cuddles etc. Or get partner to sleep with her for a few days.

Also at about 2.5 she went into her own room which is another option. But if you want to keep cosleeping and feeding you just need to break the suck to sleep association.

Plenty of women breastfeed babies to sleep to much older than this. Dd was breastfed to 3 and has perfect teeth! Breast milk doesn't rot teeth!

I co-slept and breastfed until DD stopped of her own volition just before 3. But we worked on breaking the suck to sleep thing. So for three nights dh rocked her to sleep then put her beside me. She was held and comforted so not left crying or desperate for me but it broke the association with sleep. After that she didn't need to feed to sleep or wake at night to feed but I was able to carry on with a morning feed, an evening feed or two and feed for comfort during illness or upset. It worked really well for us.

There’s a difference between having a feed and an older baby nursing constantly through the night. Just as there is a difference between an older baby having a bottle of milk in the night and having constant bottles of milk.

it’s fine to night wean. I didn’t feed 2 of mine in the night from a year and I still fed until 2+

If extended bf isn't working for you, it's okay to stop. If you feel you need "permission" to assuage your conscience, I think you have it collectively from a bunch of strangers. :)

Bf is partly "food" and partly comfort. Gradually swap some feeds to an alternative eg solids, formula, cow milk. Only cut 1 feed at a time, rather than several immediately. The bedtime feed is usually the last to go. Honestly, this is all just teaching you to suck eggs - you've already successfully weaned one child! This is the same thing; do it whenever you feel ready. And, yes, you'll probably crave less chocolate - bf burns a lot of calories. Be mindful of your diet when you wean fully - cut out whatever snacks you added when you started bf. x

I second a previous poster that recommended looking up Lyndsay Hookway on instagram. Her method of “habit stacking” helped me to night wean at a similar age. It’s where you basically introduce another comforting habit alongside breastfeeding, for us it was a comforter held against her cheek. After about a month she would only want to breastfeed at night while holding onto her comforter too. So then when I told her that we weren’t having boob in bed anymore, she still her had comforter. There were some tears but I’m sure that because she had another means to comfort and help settle herself it went a lot smoother than when I’d previously tried to cut down on feeds.

Totally understand the guilt.

Will she take a bottle too? I gave mine a bottle of water in the night if she wanted milk…she naturally stopped waking when she didn’t quite get what she wanted. she was in her own room though so I had to buckle up for a few crap nights of staggering in with a bottle of water and her being cross that it wasn’t lovely boob.

Im a firm believer that no one is at their parenting best when they are exhausted and you are a better parent after a sleep.

FYI cuddles replaced feeding with my daughter and she’s still a cuddler now at 10. It won’t stop any bond you have, it’ll just change a little bit.

Yanbu. I fed dd until she was just after 2. I cut down gradually. Saying no when we out of the house (when she was older), then instead of a snack I gave her solid food, then just bedtime then just bedtime feeds until she informed me there was ‘no milk.’ You have done a stand up job but you gotta think about you and your health/sleep now. I loved it but I knew when it was time to stop.

It’s ok to stop if you’re ready.

I’d night wean/sleep train but continue breastfeeding during the day first. But equally if you want to stop completely that’s okay too.

True story - I ended up in a psych ward because breastfeeding was detrimental to my mental health, but I felt that I had to keep doing it to be a “good mother.” Obviously your situation isn’t that dire, but I always support women quitting breastfeeding if it’s having a negative effect on them.

No need to give up completely, just night wean. Instead of you going in to her room and breastfeeding send your partner in with a beaker of water. Expect a lot of crying (2 hours for us) the first night, but your partner stays and comforts, tell them that you’re asleep so no milk now etc. Second night so the same, highly likely the crying will be a lot less, third night repeat and again expect less crying. Main rule is your partner must go every time and not you. All my DC went to straight 12 hours sleep every night after that. Worth it in every way.

You are a human dummy. Just stop it.

No I did the Jay Gordon method around 2 years old for both of them I think 😅

We did this for similar reasons, also my back was in agony from the cosleeping!

First step was getting in her own bed in her room and stopping feeding to sleep at the start of the night, but I would still go to her if she woke in the night and feed her if she woke. We did this by basically having my partner do all bedtimes for a week rocking her to sleep in the chair.

Then she naturally started sleeping longer stretches so the feeding in the night stopped and she also stopped being able to settle on my partner so we started just doing story and putting her in the cot awake and she'll go to sleep all by herself now and 98% of the time sleep through till morning.

Me and my partner alternate bedtime now and she'll go down fine for both of us.

It seemed impossible at the time to go from cosleeping and bf-ing literally allllll night long to being able to just plonk her in the cot and shut the door but it can happen! Took maybe 3/4 months to get her sleeping through the night consistently but it's been that way for almost a year now. It did pretty much put an end to our feeding journey though, as she didn't need it through the night l, was a great eater of actual food and mornings/evenings were a rush as we were getting the hang of going back to work/childcare there was just less opportunities to feed and she'd fully stopped by 16months.

@ProfessorPeppy did your children also still feed pretty much constantly overnight like this, at those ages?

@Sparkleypants oh also her cot is in my room as a mid step from co sleeping to her own room. I thought it might be too much at once especially if there is a separation anxiety element.

but as others have said there does seem to be a reconnection element after nursery. Also my child is so hyped and distracted there that I don’t think she drinks much milk so when she sees me it’s almost like she remembers she is actually hungry! So it could be that too. So from 5-8 I load her with bf, whole milk at evening meal and then formula during bed time. And a couple of bf.

We did this too. I night weaned by sending DH in with water. He cuddled her while she screamed for maybe 2-3 nights and then she just slept through. She was about 13-14 months.

I continued feeding her morning and evening until she was about 20 months.

@muggart I did this too, with the help of a couple of nights sleeping completely apart (baby coslept with DH and I went in with older DC) to break the habit initially. For a couple of weeks he wanted to bf more during the day I guess to compensate but now 3 months later he's only feeding 2-3 times a day.