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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To reach out to her?

54 replies

WickedDragon · 21/07/2024 11:00

I have been sleeping with a married man for a long time (longer than I’d like to admit). I have been so so stupid and naive. When we first met he told me they were getting divorced and he was moving out but recently they have been on a few holidays together. Last night I exploded at him and told him that I’m ending it because I can’t do it anymore, he’s lied to me and to his wife. And I told him that I’m going to tell her.

He has told me she already knows (convenient) and is begging me not to tell her as it will cause her further upset and he is already handling the situation and has asked me to leave her alone.

would I be unreasonable to still reach out to her? I feel as though it’s very convenient that he says she found out the day before this all blew up in his face and feel awful that she doesn’t know.

i know im going to get loads of comments on how unreasonable it was to engage with this man for so long but i genuinely believed that his divorce and house sale was just taking a long time. I know that what i did was wrong and im really trying to find ways to fix it. HELP!

OP posts:
strawberryandtomato · 21/07/2024 11:07

You won't form an alliance. You're only doing this for your own gain

Edingril · 21/07/2024 11:06

To fix it is to stop seeing him, Can you honestly not work that out for yourself?

WickedDragon · 21/07/2024 11:05

Pogggle · 21/07/2024 11:01

Why do you want to reach out to her? What exactly do you want to say? It sounds like you just want revenge on him, not that you actually care because otherwise it wouldn’t have been going on so long

I want her to know, he has been disrespectful to both of us by lying for all this time, lying to me about going through and divorce and to her about me obviously. I don’t want to form an alliance with her and don’t even expect a reply. If it were me, I would want to know. I didn’t know they were still together until he recently told me he was on holiday with his friends and then a mutual friend saw pictures his wife had posted on Facebook from the same holiday.

OP posts:
Pogggle · 21/07/2024 11:01

Why do you want to reach out to her? What exactly do you want to say? It sounds like you just want revenge on him, not that you actually care because otherwise it wouldn’t have been going on so long