Are you twins? The excuse she needs.

Im not sure you understand how twins work.

People are actually saying you look similar in age which you are

Fraternal twins is the same amount of shared genetics as any siblings. This is the most common type of twins hence boy girl twins etc

Identical is different but enviroment plays a huge factor. Picture someone who decides to drop a load of weight, start body building to the extreme. They are still genetically the same as when they started

Also I think it's a shame that you don't want people to say you look related to your sister because you don't want to be associated with her fatness

Your sister is NEVER going to come to you and ask for support with losing weight, because you have shown her time and again that you feel superior to her, think she is out of control, don't understand her, and patronise her. Also, you are slim - slim people have ZERO idea what it's like being fat and no experience of trying to lose weight and keep it off. You think you know better than her because you're slim. But in fact, she knows way better than you do what issues she is facing. Unless you've slimmed down from a similar weight, then you have no idea what you're talking about, and your 'subtle' suggestions to your sister must be so painful for her to always have to hear.

So my advice would be to stop talking to her about her weight, your weight, either of your looks. Focus on your friendship and the things you have in common. NEVER comment on her food, weight, exercise etc unless she brings it up first, and then only in support of her. And NEVER talk about your own weight or body, either, because she knows you're only doing that as a way of judging or shaming her. She's never going to confide in you when there's so much judgment oozing from your every word. The only chance you have is if you show you can be a trustworthy person who loves and accepts her whether she's fat or thin. So far, you've made it obvious you're not a safe person for her. Maybe you can change that over time.

No, I think that OP unfortunately used an illustrative example which has sent people off down a track of accusing her of thinking that it’s all about her.

I mean, yes, to a certain extent it is all about OP as the ultimate aim is to have her sister with her for a long life.

However those who are claiming it’s all because she is mortified, embarrassed or sees her sister as the example of what will happen to her if she loses control over her own weight are just doing that typical thing of jumping on the Mumsnet “bash the OP” bandwagon. I mean, calling her a “judgmental cunt”?! That is just someone getting off on the ability to abuse people from behind a shield of anonymity.

OP is just someone who is worried for his sister’s health. She thinks her sister is in denial about her weight and this is almost certainly true. She has illustrated this with the “twins” anecdote but it’s a total red herring. She’s asked for advice about how to help her sister get into a place where she is ready to take action.

Armchair psychologists trot out the old “you can only change when you want to” trope in order to justify standing back and doing nothing. That is drastically over-simplifying things.

So you don't like people asking if you are twins because you definitely don't think you look anything like your fat sister and are appalled that other people might think that you do.

I've no idea how you're framing this in your head as being about protecting your sister from thinking that she's not that fat if other people think you look alike.

You can't control what other people think. If they think you look alike, and it happens often, then you probably do.

Your sister isn't stupid. She knows she's fat. Either she's ok with it and you need to leave her alone, or she's miserable about it and you still need to leave her alone unless she asks for help.

there is no conversation to be had. her sister knows she’s fat. She knows. She doesn’t need anyone to tell her.

I think it’s clear that the OP has left her sister in no doubt that her weight has been noticed, don’t you?

If you are really just worried about your sister’s weight, why not start a thread about how to support your sister to lose weight?

Seems to me from the post that you actually wrote that your main issue is being offended by the comparison with her.

Size 24 is huge and will undoubtedly give her all kinds of health issues now or in the future including diabetes, high blood pressure, heart issues, eyesight issues, mobility issues.

That's not a judgement, it's fact. It's incredibly hard watching someone you love do that to themselves and it's near on impossible to stand by and watch your twin suffer.

It's easy to say "just look after yourself" but in reality, most of us love our family (especially twins) and it's painful to watch them cause themselves big health issues.

OP - I don't think people are putting you down, it will be blatantly obvious you're not the same size. But twins aren't always the same size, especially non-identical ones.

It sounds like you've gotten to the point where you need to address the issue in order to not harbour negative emotions about her weight. "Sister, I'm getting concerned about your health as I regularly see you out of breath and I'm concerned that your weight is going to lead to some serious long term health issues that could make your life difficult. If you'd rather I not say anything, I won't ever again, but if you want any support I'm here for you. If you fancy a walk or swim with me a few times a week, give me a shout. Or even if you just want a listening ear".

Not one poster here has downplayed the health risks.

All we're saying is that the OP clearly feels better than her sister because she 'took control of her weight in her teens and is now mortified if she and her sister are mistaken as twins.

The OP clearly has as much an issue with weight as her sister, neither seem to have a healthy relationship with food or body image.

Your sister knows she is obese and probably hates it. But personally I think it's like any other addiction like drinking or drugs, there is nothing you can do to help her until she wants it.

So sadly yes, you have to sit there and watch her slowly kill herself.

Funnily enough, sometimes people only decide they want to change when they realise that other people really are noticing.

So may people on this thread in denial about the health risks of obesity.

OP, I suggest that you have a listen to the podcast that the Van Tulleken twins did. One put on a lot of weight, the other was concerned for him. Both doctors. They talk a lot about how they communicated with each other, what worked and what rubbed each other up the wrong way.

It’s called “Thorough Examination” and series 1 Addicted to Food is what you want. Episode 3 is about the psychology and how they relate to each other.

Stop being annoyed about trivial things, life is much nicer once you free yourself of such annoyances.

My dds friend is a twin. Her twin is a boy. Twin ≠ identical. Like you say you both look similar, are both around the same age, people aren't too far off. Someone once assumed dh was my dad, that was a wild guess, guessing that sisters who are 12months apart in age are twins not so much.

Twins don't have to be identical......have you thought about talking to someone?

OP, if your sister is a size 24, there's no way she's mistakenly believing that she's your size. People who are that size don't get a minute to forget it. She'll be reminded of it every time she gets dressed/walks up stairs/feels guilty eating in front of other people/gets ignored/sees any form of social media....

Give her some credit. She's making light of a difficult situation.

Are you for real?

Twins can be different sizes. I assume you'd prefer them to say "You would look like twins, except you're slim and your sister's huge."

"if I’m being a brat, you can let me know."

You're being a brat.

But only if they want to. Not because their sister told them they should!

They mean you look like you are the same age, not that you have the same body type. It's entirely possible for identical twins to be of completely different sizes due to health and weight issues. I'm surprised this concept hasn't occurred to you, as it seems obvious.

People do lose weight successfully when supported to do so by those close to them.

Op, many women on here appear to be overweight:obese so any comment perceived as being anti fat will have them being very hostile to you.

I understand. Asking if you're twins when you are very physically unalike when your sister is obese must feel insulting.