ANGRY! ( and I've fucked up)

What do you expect people on Mumsnet (UK) to do OP? Seriously. Getting angry at your DP is just not on.

That would seem like a reasonable first step.

OP, if the Australian POA is anything like the British POA, neither your sister nor you nor any other. family member can just go giving away stuff without written agreement and without accounting for the value of the item given away.

I had POA for three elderly aunts in the more lax years of POA, back in the nineties and noughties. I did everything by the book but watched while others I was aware of systematically raided their parents' estates for everything they could, in order to get their inheritances early and ensure that the state ended up paying ££££s in care costs. As a result of that, things have tightened up considerably here. Those POA documents you and your sister signed are legally enforceable. You need, at the very least, to take your sister through the legal process and remind her of the penalties for those who don't stick to the rules.

Who is paying for the insurance of the car? Who's paying to tax it? Has your sister billed those items to your parents? That would be a real no-no. Ask all your questions in writing and expect an answer in writing.

School holidays are s boring, aren't they? Roll on September and year 8.

I agree with those that say legal advice. It’s an asset. She is abusing her position

Look they've been cheeky but they did ask your parents and they seem to think that it will be returned.

I don't understand why you don't think the car will be driven back? Have they got another base hundreds of miles away where they will keep the car?

Just tell your sister that once the car is back, that your DS would like to buy it. If the car isn't coming back and your mum and dad don't have enough funds, tell them to pay for the car.

Blimey, you've been getting a hard time on this thread. I think you need to get legal advice ASAP, you probably can't do anything about the car now but you need to make sure she doesn't do anything dodgy with the house sale.

Fume away - but don't take it out on your aged parents!

It sounds as though your sister is a a manipulative person and it is not surprising your vulnerable very old parents have succumbed. But that is no reason for you to have a go at them or start quizzing them about how they brought you both up - that is yonks ago! And it is likely that, as we all do, they did their best.

Have a go at your sister by all means - she sounds a bit of a chancer - but leave your parents be to find peace at the end of their lives.

They had permission to drive it for a certain journey. Not to keep it and drive it 2000 miles out of state

Sunnyandsilly · Today 06:39
I don’t understand op. Your parents weren’t using the car, why do you object to them using it so much?

Are you always this lax with other peoples property. Do you drive off with other peoples cars when they are parked up somewhere because “they weren’t using it”
or see an open door as an invite to take whatever you want.

The reason why this is theft and abuse of POA is because have put more and more miles on the clock, even if the car does get back the amount it is worth will be affected by miles on the clock and I can’t see bil or sister compensating the parents for the depreciation

The car was supposed to be sold to pay for care home fees but atm it is another thing that can’t be done because sister has taken it.

Grabby buggers. Insist that the value (pre him driving it interstate and racking up mileage) is deducted from their cut when the will is divided.

you still seem incredibly angry about your childhood - I grew up in a similar environment, where my rapist brother could do no wrong in DM's eyes and was always the favoured one, and her forever insisting she'd treated us equally. Resolved by going NC with brother & very low contact with my parents.
Move on, leave it in the past.

& if the BiL had driven the car hundreds of miles away, presumably he is returning, or has he left your sister?

OP if you don't know the vehicle license plate, could you search for the insurance documents or other related vehicle documents (e.g. Australian equivalent of an MOT) to find it out? Another option is checking through your/your parents' camera roll - there's a chance you snapped a pic with the car in the background

The car is a symptom of the real problem which is your family’s dynamic. ‘How to do the work’ by Dr Nicole LePera is a good starting point. It focuses on upbringing and childhood. Read it.

And if I may, you need to do the work, because the anger that you’re feeling isn’t sustainable and it isn’t healthy. This situation is not going to end until well after the death of your parents and the finalisation of their estate (so up to a decade?) so it seems wise to put the work in now.

Regardless of who is right or wrong, sorting your head out so you can put the right boundaries in place and deal with disputes in a healthier manner is essential.

Could you ask your sister to bring the car back so your son can buy it? Don't accuse her of being sneaky or manipulative just be up front about 'needing to make the most from mum and dad's assets to pay for their care home'. If she insists that they freely gifted it to her partner be surprised, rather than outraged (in the UK there are laws about "deprivation of assets" but that is because Local Authorities can become responsible for care home fees).

We all know your sister has been dishonest but it's a moral, not legal, dishonesty. You need to find ways to care less about her because your feelings will eat away at you, harm your last few years with your parents and not affect her at all.

You need advise from the government office that issued the POA and adult safeguarding. Processes are probably similar ish to those in the UK but you need specific advice.
POAs are not set in stone and can be removed.

What do you mean by this???

I agree with you. It’s very clear that they have taken advantage of your parents . Your parents are vulnerable and they’ve abused that. I too am gobsmacked that people think this is ok.

Presumably your brother-in- law will have to bring the car back at some point. And it will have to be taxed and maintained if it is not soon sold. Your parents agreed to lend it to him, it is still in their names and you know who’s driving it. It has not been stolen.

You go on about your sister, but I think your having a go at your elderly parents and making them cry is worse.

You have got yourself into a passive-aggressive, martyred frame of mind that is no good for anyone. You could have made the proposal about your son buying the car. Waiting to make a perfectly reasonable proposal isn’t good behaviour - it’s pointless.But why don’t you make it now? Put it in writing to your sister: when your husband is back from his trip, can we discuss my son buying the car? We’ll have to sell it anyway, he doesn’t have a car and would like to buy it.

Report your sister for abuse of Poa.
just do it. Investigations happen all the time.

if there’s nothing wrong, then there is nothing wrong.

I get it OP. It sounds like a frustrating situation off the back of a lifetime of family difficulties. YANBU given the context. Sorry this is happening.

I'd be fuming, he took advantage, your sister wasn't honest if your parents don't even know where the car is.
Grasping fuckers.

I'm shocked at some of these responses "Maybe he didn't want to drive that far in he's expensive car" SO WHAT, he should have thought of that when he 1/ bought an expensive car and 2/ accepted a job so far away.

Do you definitely know it's not coming back though?

How will the BIL get home without it? Is he flying back or something?
Why don't you make your parents an offer, if they accept then tell your BIL "time to bring the car back my DS has bought it now."

Your BIL wont have ownership papers, if he doesn't bring it back, then he has stolen it.

If there is POA in place then they can’t make decisions like that - this is to protect them.

If one POA is abusing their position then go to the solicitor who appointed them.

I’m not sure but if there are two POA in place then shouldn’t they both have to agree where financial decisions are made?

However you say you would have taken the car yourself so she got there first.

I think you both need a meeting with the solicitor to clarify your positions.

This is an important point - you can't assume it's joint and several.

Why must your son buy this car? If he was going to buy it for fair value then surely he can buy another car?