ANGRY! ( and I've fucked up)

So you dont need the car to 'mind the house' then?

I get this. I loathe my sister with every fibre of my being, and when my mum was dying, she started being the dutiful daughter - after not speaking to either of us for 7 years.

I was so angry I tried to get her banned from the hospital (may sound irrational, but the back story is awful). She still did fuck all to help me with the whole process, clearing mums house, organising funeral, grieving ) but her audacity in pretending she gave a shit in front of people made me actually want to hurt her
I get it's not the same, but I totally understand your fury

I feel like it's not so much the car itself @marmoet, though that does sound a bit odd, and more feeling like your life and your experiences of your parents/family life are being discounted/wiped out/seen as less valuable? Maybe you feel like your sibling was always favoured and/or had more say? Maybe you feel like sibling is now taking advantage?
It's not a nice feeling.
If I'm off track ignore this, and please don't take offence.💐
PS I do think some posters are being a tad harsh.

But this is your sisters partner. Not someone walking down the street. Your sister who also has POA was also ok with it.

As I said above, we had similar problems in my family when my grandad went in a home.

But if this was my Dad and my do borrowed dads car and my brother was kicking off about it and saying Dad shouldn’t have given permission or it wasn’t ok or the car should be his sons, I would tell him to get grip.

and I wouldn’t be kicking off if my brothers wife borrowed Dads car either.

Why don't you ask whether your son can use the car when your bil is back from his trip?

The issue is that your sister isn't communicating with you on things. If you're both Poa but don't get on and don't communicate it's going to get worse before it gets better. But I agree with you op they took the car under false pretences and don't plan to give it back anytime soon.

They haven’t “stolen” the car 🙄by your own admission you’re parents knew he had borrowed the car and was using it for work, which he may well be doing, they only didn’t realise he had taken it out of state.

No one has “stolen” anything!

You’re being passive aggressive and need to address your emotional outbursts.

He didn’t steal the car. Whether your sister stole the car is another matter. If you want it returned, you need to find out if you as POA need to both agree to him using the car, or if just one of you can make a decision. Then take it from there.

If they aren’t in a position to agree your sister’s partner using the car, they also aren’t in a position to agree to your son using it. And your sister definitely won’t agree to that now. So the best you can hope for is the car goes back to minding the house.

It wasn’t really permission though was it? It’s more like saying ‘Granny can I have your bank card to go shopping with?’ And then getting milk, tea, a ready meal and a couple of hundred pounds out. That’s theft and elder abuse and so is this- do you imagine for a minute he’s planning on returning the car??

I wouldn't be taking your anger at things out on your parents - I understand you're upset but your frustration needs to find a better outlet than upsetting them. Ignore the dog thing, ignore the denials about tip toeing round your sister or whatever else you think is being denied.

They're clearly not in a place to be verifying your life story as you remember it - I think you need to take a step back and realise that the issues you seem to have with your sister are clouding how you're dealing with your parents, they don't need you getting angry with them and upsetting them.

Deal with your sister who has joint POA and don't involve your parents in squabbles.

I think it's ok about the car although courtesy would dictate she let you know.
However more importantly why is the house not rented out if you say it's such a bad area? I'm assuming the money would go towards care home fees and keep the property safe from squatters.

But you wanted them to give the car to your son and made them cry because they hadn't?

Wow.

Because he didn't steal it they knew he had it and gave permission.

How do you know you won’t see the car ever again?

look I appreciate there’s issues between you and your sister and you feel your life has been negatively impacted by her existence. But not everyone will agree with your view of the situation and not everyone will have the same. You feel a certain and that’s enough.

We had similar when my grandad went into a home, except he hadn’t agreed that anything could be ‘borrowed’. I get the frustration but you seem to be upset that they chose to lend their car to someone as your son could have had it. Which isn’t your choice.

now you are using this lending of the car as a symbol of all that you feel in wrong in your family and getting very upset over it. In reality, they agreed to lend their car to their son in law. That’s all that happened

Stealing is taking without permission. He had permission.

I don’t understand op. Your parents weren’t using the car, why do you object to them using it so much?

You moaned you couldn’t take it for your son so that seems quite disingenuous. There’s no point posting here if you just accuse everyone of lying. Surely if you don’t want opinions this will just make you more angry?

Make sure you’ve taken everything that is yours from the house, as this won’t get any better.

It’s not theft, your relationship to your sister doesn’t make it theft. She’s POA and they clearly gave permission.