Invited to celebrate my twin sisters birthday

I think they are pulling your leg
I wouldn't worry about it

Me and my sister are born on the same day but she is 15 years older than me. I always refer to her as my twin.

I would start talking to friends and family about how much you’re looking forward to your joint celebrations,

but is it a joint celebration? Did op and twin together discuss how they would celebrate their birthday, together decide on a weekend away, together discuss where they should go? Did each of them spend time searching for suitable venues and jointly decide on which to book? Did they jointly decide on activities for the weekend? Did they send out invitations in both their names? Has op shared in ordering and paying for food?

Or has twin done all the planning and organising?

That’s a completely different scenario to the one in the OP

To be honest thinking about this more in regards to my own twins i have boy/girl twins who are 9 and yes ATM celebrates their birthday on the same day but what if when they are older my girl twin plans a girls weekend for her birthday therefore boy twin not invited? Would i expect him to kick off damanding its his birthday too? And girl twin should have thought of that before planning her birthday? No, i think you’re being a bit unreasonable is my vote sorry.

Are you contributing to the party? If she's organised and paying for things then yes it's her party. We haven't seen the invite (have we?) so that would clear things up for us.

Well twin siblings are no different than any other sibling- why wouldn’t she be allowed to have a party for herself on her birthday- yes i know its your birthday too but lets say your best friend had the same birthday as you and organised to go away for the weekend on her birthday and invited you and other friends, would you feel the same way? Its the twin thing that is clouding your judgement she is still a separate person xx

Not that much different, anyone close to them will know they share a birthday.

I would start talking to friends and family about how much you’re looking forward to your joint celebrations, it’s a big birthday, you’re excited everyone is coming to celebrate your birthday etc. make it very clear before you go that it’s for your birthday too. If anyone suggests drinks at a later date, say oh no I don’t need 2 celebrations! The weekend will be fantastic for mine and sisters birthday, we can’t wait. Make it clear before you go otherwise it’s going to be a really horrible weekend for you

A very good point. Are they actually your friends, op?

With the exception of their school friends, it's very obvious who's friend is who's with my twins. Sure, they all intermingle on account of the boys being best friends, and some of them might even occassionally hang out one-on-one with the other twin's friends, but there is never any doubt to whom every friend's loyalities lay and which twin they would stick with if they were forced to choose.

Sounds like it is yr sisters party, did u see the invites?

Your situation is very different to being a twin

I used to know a pair of twins who had joint parties through childhood but after 16 had individual parties even though the other twin was invited. Their interests were different but they did share a few friends. One was male and the other female so maybe that was why they preferred their own celebrations. They still got on well.

I think I would need to have a clarifying conversation with my sister in this case as to how she sees things.

Sounds like you weren't originally going to be invited?

If your sister organised this weekend party away for her birthday and is making it clear it's for her celebration just organise a separate event for your birthday celebration maybe organise a party then weekend before or after the weekend away. Your twin doesn't like sharing it seems.

If your sister has organised it all and invited people then it's her party.

If you've been involved in the planning the invites should have said celebrate OUR party. How did the decision not to invite your ILs come up? Did you work out the guest list together, or did your sister plan it saying she was going to ask your ILs to come, and you said not to invite them?

It seems unhealthy to have not got at least some separate friends by 40. Do you just assume that you are a package deal for every aspect of your life? Do either of you have partners?

You could organise another party which is entirely yours. Perhaps a day out somewhere? If the weekend away is HER party I think you need to be gracious about letting her have that event and not diverting attention to yourself.

Agree with a PP. Twins are individuals first. If she has set, organised, and paid for the party then it’s her party and you are a guest in the same way that a sister would be a guest. There is no obligation on her to make it a joint party unless that’s what you agreed. If you have been involved in the planning and payment then yes, it is very off.

do they actually sat "twin sister when referring to said celebration or just sister ? Just say "you do realise we're twins so it's my birthday too !"

I was about to say the same. It sounds like she has organised it and invited everyone and you are just turning up?

Sounds like someone is deliberately excluding you. Is your twin spiteful, jealous or bitchy? Is a friend doing the planning and decided to arrange it in a way that seems your twin is the only person getting the attention. Tbh if this was me I’d get to the bottom of it and go for a weekend away with different family/friend. Cba with this drama. Enjoy your birthday, your twin sounds difficult.

But if said friend just showed up on the day and assumed/expected that they could usurp your party while contributing absoloutely nothing to the planning, arrangements, or expense?

This is where a lot of resentment between twins begin. The expectation that they can never have anything of their own and one inevitably always ends up doing the majority of the labor while the other gets to sit back and reap all the benefits with none of the stress or expense. That's why from their first birthday, my twins (and I have two pairs) always recieved their own birthday cakes. They're allowed to have their own things.

I'd be cross too. We had a break for my 40th years ago and it was planned for ages. By the time we got there one friend was getting married so it turned into her hen party! So much so she was planning on henanniversary trips for the following years. No not doing that.

It is either recognised it's to celebrate your birthday as well or I wouldn't go.

As a twin myself I'd say it's simply that they see you as individuals , not one joint identity.
So 2 people, 2 celebrations.

It's not the twins thing, it's that they would have broadly the same guest list, from what OP said. If I had a close friend whose birthday was the same as mine and we had the same friend circle I'd speak to them about joint. Unless I didn't get on with them in which case I wouldn't be friends with them.

Why would it reflect badly? They're twins, not a monolith.