If your Dh died or you got divorced do you think you'd remarry

Definite no from me. Too many financial complications.

Think it’s impossible to really say until you maybe meet someone but interested in whether someone in that position ever thinks of whether their former DH would approve/like the new partner?

I think I would. I wouldn't want to be alone for the rest of my life and think it would be nice to find happiness again if (God forbid!) Anything happened to my husband.

I do have 4 kids though so wouldn't be a catch 😅

No. Once is enough. Got married at 40.

I love reading stories about people who have found love second time round.

For myself, I get so lonely when my DH is away, that I’m sure I would want to be with the right man if I ever got to meet him. However what I want and could achieve (the right man wanting me) are two different things.

@Poppins2016

It's interesting... I once read a theory that people who are happily married are more open to remarrying if they're widowed (theory being that they view marriage as positive and desirable

That’s interesting. I absolutely hated being married but have never been sure how much of that was because it was a suboptimal marriage and how much of it was marriage itself.

But the template of my parents marriage was in theory a good one in that they were happily married but my mum appeared so diminished as a person in the marriage. My dad was so much of a bigger character and so much more in the driving seat she just seemed not to have any agency at all. Not all marriages are like that but I knew I would bridle at the idea of being committed to someone for life.

My current LTR works well for a variety of reasons but in large part because we are both on the same page with this. We are faithful and committed but we both find the paraphernalia and the infrastructure of marriage horrendous and wish to avoid it.

I wouldn't. My plan was always to stay single forever and it was only because my husband was so compatible with me that I changed my mind. We share literally every important opinion and rarely have strong disagreements on the minor ones. The chances of someone being as compatible and also as kind as him are basically zero, so I'm not interested in another relationship.

Especially now I have no desire for more children and I want to do the best for the one I have emotionally and financially. I don't want to risk a blended family unsettling him and want everything I/my husband have to go to him.

I think I'd find it challenging to be alone after so many years of marriage, and I would miss having a companion, but the thought of dating again exhausts me and has zero appeal. The reality of loneliness might change my mind, but right now I don't feel I'd be interested in another man for a very long time, if ever.

Life is like a box of chocolates - leave it too long and only the weird nutty ones are left.

Don't agree with that statement one bit. If you have a wonderful partner and so many on here are saying this, if you die first then they will be left won't they? I woud be open to it, because there is no feeling in the world like having a loving supporting partner by your side. There are more amazing people out there than this forum would have you believe. For me it would be the minefield that is the dating process that puts me off. I would not in a million years use a dating app. So I guess I would carry on with my life but not be actively looking for another partner, remain open to what comes my way and I hope my husband does the same if I go first. We will always be a part of each other, no matter what comes after.

I would remarry if I met the right person (I'd have high standards and have three young children, so I wouldn't be settling).

It's interesting... I once read a theory that people who are happily married are more open to remarrying if they're widowed (theory being that they view marriage as positive and desirable). My elderly parents have a friend who has married three times (due to being widowed), each time very happily. However, I can certainly appreciate that one might not want to remarry for fear of not being as happy as you were in your first marriage.

Absolutely not. I might date, I might have lots of special friends like Carol Vordeman, but I would never ever live with another man again.

If you have kids there’s a very big reason why you wouldn’t. If you don’t, absolutely!

No kids, so that's not an issue.
But after 30+ years of marriage, I think I'd quite enjoy living solo, and I've always been happy with my own company. I can't imagine wanting a new partner at this stage. Also, the thought of having to adapt to all of a new person's quirks and foibles.... no thanks! There is a reason why lots of older couples stay unmarried and don't even live together, keeping their own houses.

I’d date and have relationships but wouldn’t move anyone in until kids had left home.

i have told DH to his face that if he dies I’m getting a Westie though

Nope.

No, I love him but he drives me crazy. I often love my own company. He has such odd ways and although we have fun and laugh he is so messy, cluttery, doesnt seem to want a nice home or a homely feel. He leaves the toilet a mess and really just uses the home as a hotel. He is great at fixing stuff though, and being active with the kids! I'm not impressed by many men and most are a massive disappointment, so he'd have to be exceptional or I'm staying on my own.

Nope not a chance. Dh and I separated for 6 months last year, and the thought of dating someone else just made me recoil. I'm happy in my own company, plus my Nan was widowed in her 30s, remained single and all I saw was a powerful, strong woman living a very full and busy life so I have a great role model of how to live single and independently.

I think it is very age dependent though - I'm past the age of having any more children, and financially secure, so what would another husband really bring to the table? If I was in my 20s or early 30s it would be different

Absolutely not.

The assets we've built up in 40 years are for our children.

Not someone else's.

Neither of us would remarry for this reason.

We've had a conversation about this to make sure neither should feel guilty moving on if widowed. Not that we expect either widowhood/widower hood or expect to move on quickly. But I would be happy if DH found someone to be happy with if I'm gone, and he has said the same to me.

Divorce? I don't know.

Similar to Leonard's mom in TBBT, I have been responsible for (many) of my own orgasms for a few years so it wouldn't be for that but companionship and I would be picky about that. (I am currently living alone for the first time ever due to a work posting for a couple of years, and enjoying that, but also appreciate when DH can visit for a good few reasons).

Yep, I would. I absolutely love and adore my DH, he is 'my person' and the love of my life, but I also love being in a relationship and sharing my life with someone. I am better and feel happier as part of a couple and I am not sure I could be happy on my own. As I have got older my circle has become smaller. My Mum passed away, my eldest daughter left home and my youngest leaves for uni in September. It has made me realise how much I love people and how much I need people around me. I know I am probably in the minority but I would definitely be open to a new relationship at some point if I did lose him. Not necessarily marriage but definitely a new relationship. DH knows this, and he knows this about me and I also know if it were the other way round that he would rather be alone than be open to a new relationship. He likes being alone whereas I don't. Each to their own.

I remember your threads around the time you were widowed PeachGreen and it is lovely to read this post.

😂 Never in a million years.
I love my husband (I'm 45, child free), but
I would NEVER give up that freedom of living
on my own ever again.
Never, ugh, another man! 🤢

How can anyone know?

I am pretty sure that I wouldn't settle for just any man, and I would be weary of moving anyone into my home. My standards are way higher now because I already have DC, so no longer hear the tick tock of the biological clock. And also I am happy with my own company.

But if I met a man who I really loved and felt loved by, someone good and who complimented my life, I would want a relationship with him. I don't see why being divorced (or bereaved!) means you should deprive your life of genuine opportunities for love.

I also think it's kind of bad taste to start talking about what you'd do if you were widowed. People are quick enough to judge widows for doing their grief wrong, the last thing they need is people smugly congratulating themselves for how well they'd manage the hypothetical situation.

Nah. Just can't be arsed with it.

After my divorce (separated when my dc were 5 & 2) I said I'd never marry again.
I met my next partner, we were together for several years, then lived together. After a few years he frequently asked me to marry him and I kept saying no, unsurprisingly he stopped asking. One day I just though "I want to marry this man", I asked him, and we married 5m later.
Unfortunately he died 10m after we married.

I've now been seeing someone for 6 years.
When we'd established a relationship we talked about the future and I stated that I didn't want to live with someone whilst my dc were still children, I felt they'd been through enough and didn't need another male in the household whilst they were growing up.
Both of my dcs have finished education and we are now intending to live together shortly.

I don't think I'll marry again, but I've thought that once before and have done so, so never say never.