Did the right thing, now cut off from everything

Charity???? Money for her child is charity
Charity was in relation to what he gives her, not their common child! Maintenance is for the child AND, especially if a very large amount, which it clearly is as he is so well off, should pay towards housing the child. He doesn't owe OP to house her. Yet he is currently as paying the full rent in addition to maintenance and OP is now moaning because he won't buy her a house. So yes, charity.

It's OP demeaning herself by expecting him to buy her a house. They are NOT married.

School FT still requires pick ups and drops offs and getting ready in the morning and looking after afterwards. Leaving me 5 hours max in middle of day. I already work that and at evening and am still earning pitiful amounts
You know there are many many single parents who manage to work FT and raise wonderful children. Some with more than 1 child.

I supported his career at the expense of mine
What career of yours did you sacrifice forever, that you couldn't possibly aim to start again?

It's not misogyny at all, the opposite. It's called being an independent woman and not let any man control you. He owes you nothing at all. You were not even married !

Charity???? Money for her child is charity. What a spiteful demeaning way to talk about parents in receipt of payments from the NRP

What age is your child? When will they be able to go to and from school on their own? is their a breakfast club/after school club? What are your qualifications? What career do you have experience in?

It is just as simple as provide for yourself - lots of people do it

ie if you don’t behave, you’re out. Control, control
Indeed, and you are letting him control you. Stop accepting charity from him. He is you nothing at all. Take the maintenance and start supporting yourself. Then there is no control for him to inflict.

Its not as easy as just providing for myself though is it - have been out of the workforce for years, supported him through his career and house renovation etc, put myself on the work backbench to do 99 per cent of childcare
The good old MN standard 'i would be very comfortable financially now if I hadn't given up my to be high paid career and sacrifice myself for his sole sake and do childcare even after my only child was FT in school'.

What was this career that you were on the path of that you now absolutely cannot get back into?

You made yourself dependent on a man who wouldn't marry you. Why if it wasn't an arrangement that suited you very well at the time.

Break the chains and do everything to become independent. You might have to lower your lifestyle, but you'll be free and that's priceless.

Where does it say the OP asked for half?
I didn't say she was asking for it, I said it was clearly something he wasn't prepared to do.

So he never married you. Whatever the reason, it was clear he wasn't prepared to just give you half of his wealth upon separation

Where does it say the OP asked for half?

A house to house his daughter till 18 (which she has )
Maintanence
His parents had included her in the will (their choice)

He's worth £3 million. Doesn't sound like she's going for 50% even if you include spousal maintenance and a % of the renovated house ?.

Echoing others, OP....the money was always a form of control and he was always going to pull it for some reason. He's abusive and he can't see why an accusation of abuse would get him investigated, which means it's always going to be his interests first, even above his child's safety. You haven't lost anything because you were never going to get it anyway. I guess since you weren't married that also matters, since his assets were never legally shared with you, but that might not be a bad thing; sounds like he'd make a divorce unbearable. Although I've never heard of spousal maintenance when unmarried (it's rare enough these days anyway) and a quick Google suggests it doesn't happen in the UK. Where are you?

Like others, I think he was just keeping this house/ will/ money thing going to hang over you to keep you doing what he wants you to do. It was never going to happen. Come point you’d have done something not allowed and this would have happened anyway.

My advice would be to finalise your financial settlement and get it all tied up legally (court order/ settlement agreement or CMS). Don’t be dependent on his or his family’s goodwill. Know what you’re entitled to (especially for the kids) but make the break and ensure that you’re earning money/ financially independent going forward so you don’t need to worry about it.

You are way too triggered by this. I’m sorry your mum didn’t believe you. Hide the thread and take a nap.

Love that this snarky little post comes directly below a post from a family lawyer who says the opposite. What are your qualifications?

Ex then withdraws all support, has his family (who I was close to) cut me off completely, including from their will, takes me off his will, takes me off his life insurance. Says I have lost everything because I didn’t immediately poo poo the allegations and say he’d never do that. The promised house is now out of the question.

all emotional blackmail - albeit you can't surely expect his DP to include you in their will. Their DGC of course but not you I don't think, even if you were close as a consequence of marriage to their DS.

Ive done all the childcare, drop offs, and everything, so he could continue his career. Now I have none and nothing. Yes I was an idiot not to get this sorted earlier, but was also suffering from the aftermath of his abuse

Time to get your life back together, think about getting a job, and stop enabling his life and career. No time like the present!

The OP believed her DD and went through all the steps to protect her. Ultimately, nothing could be proved and now OP has lost the financial security for her and her child. it is valid to be upset and worried for their future and need support for that aspect of the situation. It is a continuation of the abuse that the child’s father would do this.

Nobody is hushing up child abuse. Nobody is saying it’s ok. Nobody here is “part of the problem”.

So he never married you. Whatever the reason, it was clear he wasn't prepared to just give you half of his wealth upon separation.

Your daughter is over 10 from what you say. If you were genuinely on a path to a career, you absolutely had the choice to return to it at anytime, as cost of childcare wouldn't have been much for him, and certainly when she started school. You need to take some responsibility for that choice to not go back to your career despite not being married.

You are now separated from an abuser, but still happy to accept what would seem to be over 50% of what your daughter costs are in child maintenance AND it would seem him paying your rent and even maybe more.

Sounds like you are very attached to his money, and therefore staying dependent on a man who you say was abusive rather than focusing on starting up your career again.

You do come across as money grabbing. Start to focus on building your financial independence and be a good female role model to your daughter.

You need some serious counselling for whatever has happened to you @Tagyoureit or you just need to grow up.

Some of the responses on this thread are unhinged. Mumsnet at its worst.

So sorry for what you’ve been through OP! The shitty relationship, a horrific breakup, abuse allegations by your DD, the investigation, having to send your DD back to a toxic man for contact time and on top of that you’re now financially vulnerable.

Hope you get a good solicitor to help you sort out the last thing on that list and maybe therapy for you and your daughter to work through everything else.

Can I just say that one of the worst things for what my friend is going through is that she can't talk to many people about it in RL because it sounds like she's making it up! Those who don't know her and the history.. it's so isolating to be a victim of abuse and even more so when you tell your story and people turn against you and call you things like a 'fucked up twat' - how awful.

@Tagyoureit this is really your response? Are you as abusive in real life. Get help. Seriously.

"So please, let me get this right...

Your child has accused your DH of abuse and you're reaction is "I'm not getting the money and house he promised me because I voiced this abuse!"?
And, right now, your AIBU is this isn't fair on me just because I voiced it?

YOU ARE BEYOND FUCKED UP!!! I HOPE YOUR DD GROWS UP AND LEAVES YOU AND YOUR FUCKED PERCEPTION OF THE WORLD, YOU ABSOLUTE MASSIVE TWAT!"

I'm so sorry you are going through this but I have a friend in a similar situation, Her husband used to abuse her (physically and mentally) and now mentally abused her DD. It's SO incredibly obvious to see from people who know the situation well and it's actually a way of the father still controlling my friend.

It's horrendous and goes on and on. So so much social work intervention and the social workers (who change frequently) saying it seems like there is definitely abuse but the child covers up and won't say anything and so it falls through the cracks all the time. It's horrendous.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. This way of cutting you off is another form of the abuse xx

the thing is, you are happy the SA abuse didn't happen, SS are happy the SA didn't happen

Look at it from his pov, he is carry on with his life, seeing his daughter, being exceptionally generous to his ex, and suddenly out of the blue he gets the worst possible allegation and is investigated for sexual abuse.

I don't understand why you don't understand how furious and distressed he is going to be.

The money and housing he promised you is a non issue here, cos you can provide that for yourself.

Either your daughter has been sexually abused (unlikely from what you have said) or your ex has faced devastating, life destroying false allegations.

Either way, this isn't about you, and your desire for as much money as possible. You are already getting maintenance, you are already getting housed, you want so much more, and don't seem to be able to put yourself in his position at all

He isn't gaslighting, and he isn't being unreasonable