Was I wrong to say this to sister ?

I wouldn’t have suggested this. But this is because of my own reasons. I bought my first house when I was 32 ish. It felt old. I know it wasn’t. I was single. Long story short I ended up with a cat although I never wanted one. I still have this cat and love it. I’m married with children. People still get me

crazy cat lady

gifts. I hate it. I successfully dispose of them all to charity shops.

I feel I’m still followed by the stigma of having been a single woman with a cat. Even 8 + years later.

It is a real societal stigma that I wouldn’t wish on anybody unless they really wanted a cat. I wouldn’t suggest it.

FFS if I was your sister I'd be pissed off with you as well!

Maybe a cat symbolises more to your sister then just a cat .
Maybe it means she will be alone forever and she thinks that's what everyone believes.
Not that I believe having a partner is the only way to have a happy life.
But I do agree getting a house is ridiculous now. And rents have gone up and up .

Op, you asked if you said something wrong to your sister and you're now getting defensive at the answers. Yes it was insensitive and weird. No you may not have intended it that way. Just say sorry to your sister and explain.

@ForGreyKoala I think people did get offended they just didn't realise they should/could say so

I don't think it's the cat suggestion that is so insulting.

You clearly feel that you are so lucky and indirectly suggested to your sister that her life is miserable and needs some kind of improvement.

She can perhaps sense that you are trying to boost your self-esteem at her expense.

The vibe I got from your first post is "I am the luckier sister with better life"

So condescending.

Why get a cat if she doesn't have much money? I thought pets were expensive. Seems like a weird suggestion to me.

😆

Has she considered moving to the USA? According to Vice Presidential candidate JDVance, "We are effectively run in this country…by a bunch of childless cat ladies..."

Come help!! 🐈🐈🐈

I love cats but there's no way I could dedicate 15+ years to one including all the worry and expense. Also think it's funny that just because you moved out you now think she's lonely and needs a cat for company 😆

I remember when I was a kid, my grandad has recently died and my grandmother moved back to the area to be near family and friends.

She was mind 60s, had a rocking social life and went on about 6 holidays a year.

My aunt absolutely insisted she needed a cat. GM said a firm no. Not a particular cat fan. Aunt gave her a kitten anyway. GM now saddled with cat she didn't want, cost her money and found a PITA. My aunt then had the audacity to be irritated when she was expected to look after the cat when GM went on her numerous travels. (Once I hit my teens I took over and was paid handsomely though, so worked out well for me)

Not all single woman want a cat!

People are so clueless aren't they. I remember my 30th birthday and my nan saying "I don't know, 30 and no husband or children!" she'd stopped pulling that sort of shit (she used to do it to my older brother but chilled out in later years so I never really got it that bad) but decided my literal 30th birthday was the day to rub it in. Good job I didn't care as a DH and kids is not something I particularly want.

Presumably she suggested a cat as company for her sister - if she was married she wouldn't necessary need company.

I had at one stage five cats as a single woman - I never felt as though anyone saw me as a crazy cat lady, nor did I think that way of a married friend who had 4 or 5, or a single friend, with a child, who had 6. I hardly think that one cat is going to invite such comments.

Oh for the days when people didn't take offence over every little thing ..... 🙁

I would be telling my sister to get a grip (and silently understanding why she was single)

I know, right?

But I'm so upset @AutumnalNights hasn't come back, I was sure we had a few more "I have a fiance!" to come!!

Of course you were wrong to say it. She’s told you that. She found it insensitive and it upset her. Why come on mumsnet to try to justify it? Just apologise to her and move on.

Not sure why you thought that was a helpful thing to say? You did sound a bit smug with your own life and I think that adds to the feeling that you’re been a bit (albeit unintentionally) unkind.

This is hilarious @AutumnalNights. You set up an AIBU and because the vast majority of people have told you that you were indeed unreasonable, you've decided to abuse everyone and piss off. Why bother?

Don’t give out advice or suggestions.

She didn’t ask for it.

People get sick of ‘free advice’ and suggestions!

@ForGreyKoala the issue is there's a stereotype of single cat lady which is seen as a negative in society so it's actually quite offensive . If her sister was married would she have suggested she get a cat?

I'm not sure I believe that comment was as innocent as you're saying it is, OP.

There's no way you haven't heard the stereotype of single women with cats?!

Agree that you sound 'smug married'.

It was the insult because of the context otherwise to have a cat is pure joy whatever age and sex you are.

It was merely a suggestion.

Boy MN is a weird place at times. Suggesting someone gets a cat inspiring all this drama. 🙄

I'm struggling to see how having a cat keeps her stuck in the family home I had five cats in my last rented flat, and three in this one. At one stage, between the three flats here (all rented) there were nine cats.

Even if it does keep her at home - she's 40, if she really wanted to move out she would have done so by now so I can't see her moving during a cat's lifetime.

It's like saying it's a wrap midlife time to get a cat.

What a horrible thing to say. You might have just as well came out with 'you are a spinster, where is the requisite feature - a cat?' Why is it her business? Oh, the cruelty. I hope she marries well and in doing so outranks you - like in Downton Abbey, and then gives you advice on what you should do as realistically, you won't be able to afford anything else.