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Original poster

Would you tell a male friend you liked them/ask them out?

33 replies

catladiesforlife · 20/07/2024 17:44

If this has happened for you and you got rejected, did your friendship survive?
If the reserve happened, i.e. the male friend liked you and you didn't, did your friendship remain?

I like a guy I've been friends with for about 3 months but I have zero intention of telling him.
It's sad but the last time this happened, I took it well, just distanced myself a little but made it clear it was no big deal/wasn't awkward /I still wanted to talk/just needed a bit of space.

However the friendship was never the same again, he didn't want me talking to him/texting him ever again even though I completely dropped the subject and just acted casually.
The friendship was ruined because I asked him out.

I understand it it sucks and this is why I have no intentions of asking my male friend out now.

OP posts:
Original poster
catladiesforlife · 20/07/2024 17:52

AndAnotherThingToo · 20/07/2024 17:50

I had this at university. He and I were friends and both with other people-those relationships ended. I fancied him , but thought he was out of my league -drop dead gorgeous. One night he gave me a lift on a night out with a group of friends. It was torrential rain when we parked and he just turned to me and kissed me. Was like a movie 😂😂 After a while there was banging in the car windows -our friends -who were not at all surprised as they’d always thought we should be together.
we had a lovely relationship -didn’t last for various reasons, but was god because we had been friends first.
And… he said he had beenn’trykng for ages to get me interested but was worried as I was out of his league 😂😂)

Edited

That's good to hear it worked out.

If I had a male friend who liked me and I didn't, I'd still carry on being friends as long as they were respectful about it and things were clear.
If they kept on asking me out/to change my mind then no, but if they were just talking normally then I wouldn't treat them like dirt just because they'd liked me. It's mean.

OP posts:
BleachedJumper · 20/07/2024 17:51

I don’t really think of people I’ve known for 3 months as friends.

we can be friendly, but generally they are in the acquaintance group, usually through circumstance like a workplace/hobby group/local pub. If you remove the common thread you share, would they still actively be in your life in a year or fives time?

AndAnotherThingToo · 20/07/2024 17:50

I had this at university. He and I were friends and both with other people-those relationships ended. I fancied him , but thought he was out of my league -drop dead gorgeous. One night he gave me a lift on a night out with a group of friends. It was torrential rain when we parked and he just turned to me and kissed me. Was like a movie 😂😂 After a while there was banging in the car windows -our friends -who were not at all surprised as they’d always thought we should be together.
we had a lovely relationship -didn’t last for various reasons, but was god because we had been friends first.
And… he said he had beenn’trykng for ages to get me interested but was worried as I was out of his league 😂😂)

Original poster
catladiesforlife · 20/07/2024 17:49

I like to know people as friends first and then date them, but the previous experience massively put me off.
Even though I really scaled it back, kept things platonic and spoke to him much less, he acted like I was some sort of pest for daring to still speak to him. Even though I was clear I didn't mind being just friends. He obviously felt very uncomfortable which is a shame, but it happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
catladiesforlife · 20/07/2024 17:47

AnathemaPulsifer · 20/07/2024 17:45

If you’ve only been friends three months why not gamble on it working as a relationship? I did in similar circumstances and had a great relationship for a couple of years.

True.. but if he says no, I need to accept that I've lost out on both a relationship and a friendship.

OP posts:
Original poster
catladiesforlife · 20/07/2024 17:46

Turophilic · 20/07/2024 17:45

It will ruin the friendship. Depends on whether you are interested in being friends.

Surely if there’s a spark, you’ll become conscious of it?

With the previous one, I was happy to be just friends but he wanted nothing more to do with me. It really knocked my confidence.

I think there is a spark with this one, but I can't run the risk.

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 20/07/2024 17:45

If you’ve only been friends three months why not gamble on it working as a relationship? I did in similar circumstances and had a great relationship for a couple of years.

Turophilic · 20/07/2024 17:45

It will ruin the friendship. Depends on whether you are interested in being friends.

Surely if there’s a spark, you’ll become conscious of it?