Not invited to christening

I had a friend who did a similar thing to me, but it was wedding rather than christening related. We also worked in the same small office. I could not get past it. I just cooled off and backed off. No drama. Always polite. But we never did anything outside of work ever again. It did really hurt. Luckily she emigrated overseas, which suited me fine.

She handed me an invitation to her evening do and said sorry but they were only inviting people to the wedding who had invited them to theirs. She’d been to my entire wedding two years previously. She forgot she’d been to my wedding.

Yes so would I...but not everyone thinks the same way.
I think giving people are often disrespected and devalued. Don't you?
Fwiw, I wouldn't have allowed OP to waste annual leave on me...but I'm a tough old boot and deal with my shit on my own.

Yeah. Why alienate the one person who is more likely than others to be able to babysit?
Her loss, not yours, OP.

She's not only a shit friend but also a bit stupid. Christenings are about introducing your baby to a support network - to leave out the one friend who doesn't have a child of her own and who has a track record of having your back is a very silly thing to do. The christening invitation cock up in Sleeping Beauty, as always with fairy tales, has some truth to it.

If you aren't invited this is extremely mean of her. Why are you doing so much for this selfish ungrateful person. Step away.

Absolutely not. If a friend did that I would be grateful.

It's probably the after party etc

I was with you until you said you'd used annual leave to go and sit with her.
Hmm...I love my friends but annual leave is SO precious.
I think in doing that you positioned yourself as a walkover who is far too available.
Your value to her went down, not up.

Just my take on it. Sorry if it's not very positive.

That’s very hurtful, I’d unfollow her on social so you don’t see the pics.

I’d be very hurt in your shoes. In my shoes I’d be glad as christenings are so boring and I dread getting an invite to one! I normally decline and send a nice gift.

Aren't christenings pulic church services? So literally anyone is free to come along. If the church I attended had a christening on one Sunday, all the normal congregation would go along as usual, so you can just go to church that Sunday.

It sounds like you've gone to quite a lot of bother to help her out over the last year or so, which is bound to make this sting all the more.

I'd be backing off that friendship at quite the pace.

Your 'friend' has clearly shown you how much she values your friendship.

Does she actually go to church? If she did she would know that christenings are usually a very public event as the child is being welcomes into the church. Also many churches do a batch once a month - she might get even more of shock about the amount of people in there!

She’s not a true friend because if she was then she wouldn’t isolate you like this,

I have a best friend who got married in secret and asked a colleague to be her witness rather than her actual best friends (all of who weren’t invited as we don’t see eye to eye with her husband as he’s controlling and manioulative) I removed myself from that friendship, friends don’t do that to friends.

Maybe unfollow your friend on SM, but don't unfriend. You then won't see any Facebook feeds from her.

I agree that you don't buy a christening gift. That's for guests only.

Maybe people like to think about things before talking to people

How did you react when she told you? If she's a friend can you have an honest conversation with her over how you feel?

Yep, this. And don't buy christening gifts or cards either. Time to pull bavk.

I can't vote because you haven't mentioned whether you told her she's out of order, given that you arranged her entire baby shower alone and have been supporting her ever since?

If you've told her this then YANBU

If you sat there without saying a word, then YABVVU.

'Close friend' seems to be code on Mumsnet for 'someone I actually can't talk to'.

The explanation is simply 'I wasn't invited'. End of. No need to feel upset for simply stating fact. The lack of an invitation is not on you. You are not responsible for your friend's choices. If others want to make more of it and want to know the ins and outs, I would tell them you don't know and they could ask the friend if they need to know any gossip. Don't let it be your drama.

That's shitty behaviour. I'd be hurt too. You've been a good friend to her.

Please don’t feel embarrassed about people finding out. The embarrassment is hers to feel.

Unless theres another side to this you haven't realised (eg you're very full on/ she's trying to extract herself from you and you haven't realised😂)
Then yes that's awful and I'd be really upset if I was you. I'd probably tell her as much too if you spent so much time organising her baby shower.

Sounds like you need to take a step back from that friendship if she valued you at all she would at least invite you but explain as your child free you are under no obligation to attend.

Could you speak to her about it? If she is your good friend then discuss it and tell her that it makes you feel sad and you would like to go.

You are a better friend to her than she is to you. Stop wasting your A/L and tine on her. Also, definitely don't buy a christening present. You don't give gifts to functions you're not invited to.