Page 7 | Not invited to christening

Blackberryandcherry · 2024-07-20T15:58:54+00:00

AIBU? One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day. I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby. AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

Moonlitwalk · 20/07/2024 18:25

Piglet89 · 20/07/2024 18:19

A heavy user of social media, you say - the Christening will be a “socials” opportunity, rather than a meaningful engagement with Christianity. Ironic that, in preparing for a sacrament welcoming a new member into the Christian faith, she’s displayed entirely unchristian values.

I had exactly the same thought.

OP- stop doing things for this woman- she is using you

Unicorntastic · 20/07/2024 18:25

Unicorntastic · 20/07/2024 18:24

I agree, I helped my friend (single mum) out loads when she had her child, years later when I finally had my own baby (infertility) she saw her once, made some pony excuse about a disaster that meant she couldn’t come to the It’s a slap in the face!

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Couldn’t come to the christening!

EmpressOfTheThread · 20/07/2024 18:24

Piglet89 · 20/07/2024 18:19

A heavy user of social media, you say - the Christening will be a “socials” opportunity, rather than a meaningful engagement with Christianity. Ironic that, in preparing for a sacrament welcoming a new member into the Christian faith, she’s displayed entirely unchristian values.

Good point. It'll be for the social media. It's certainly not about friendship, or, as you say, Christian values.

Unicorntastic · 20/07/2024 18:24

HollyKnight · 20/07/2024 18:00

I had a similar thing happen years ago. I was still childless when a very good friend of mine (formerly a best friend...) had her first child, so I was the one running around after her in the early days and holding her hand through PND, babysitting, helping out. But then when it was her DC's first birthday, she only invited her friends with children. I was stunned. After everything I'd done (including shopping for birthday things!), I wasn't even welcome to celebrate the day with her.

It seems some people compartmentalise their friends like that when they become parents. "Mummy friends" and "everyone else". My lack of children at the time meant I was in the "everyone else" tier of friends.

I agree, I helped my friend (single mum) out loads when she had her child, years later when I finally had my own baby (infertility) she saw her once, made some pony excuse about a disaster that meant she couldn’t come to the It’s a slap in the face!

WimbyAce · 20/07/2024 18:23

Wow if this is right and you aren't invited then this is unbelievably rude of her. I would have to say something as she has taken the mick of you 100% Seems like you have "mug" written on your forehead I'm afraid.

Andthereitis · 20/07/2024 18:23

I'd feel sick about not being invited.
It would reflect on how I felt she thought of me.
Stepping back and finding some other friends to replace the thoughtless idiot would be on my immediate list.

Dragonfly97 · 20/07/2024 18:23

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:07

This sounds almost exactly the same, sorry this happened to you too. How is your friendship now if you don’t mind me asking?

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I had this! It was years ago but I've never forgotten it; I was there for my friend when her boyfriend dumped her, she was devastated, she was at my place all the time, we did lots together, until she got back with her boyfriend, suddenly didn't want to come out with me, she got married, had a baby ( I wasn't invited to the christening, it was kept mysteriously quiet). I did go to the evening reception of her wedding, but from then on I was dropped in favour of married friends. She didn't want a single woman friend around. I was hurt, but a mutual friend said she'd been treated the same way. I moved on and went out with other friends. The funny thing is the former friend was in town with her baby one day, and expected me to stop and make a fuss over them; I said hello and kept walking. After all, we didn't have anything in common now, did we? 🤨

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/07/2024 18:22

@Illbethereforyouuu I’m wondering the same.

@Blackberryandcherry At this point you have nothing to lose if she hasn’t actually said the words ‘you’re not invited’ then you should just text her and ask. Or text her and say she’s a shit friend. But I’d make damn sure that I haven’t misinterpreted anything before going that route

Thursdaygirl · 20/07/2024 18:21

You are not confirming at any point if the words "you are not invited" were used. Just because they said family and friends with babies she might have been totally assuming you knew you were invited, and beyond that it was family and friends with babies. Did she say those words "you are not invited"??

This. And if so, did she actually go on to say it’s because you don’t have children?

RomeinApril · 20/07/2024 18:20

I'm with another poster... did she definitely say you are not invited? It sounds like if you are very close she has just assumed you will know you are invited as a given?

HollyKnight · 20/07/2024 18:20

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:07

This sounds almost exactly the same, sorry this happened to you too. How is your friendship now if you don’t mind me asking?

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It's ok. After that I mentally "downgraded" her importance in my life, if that makes sense. We're still friends and I'll still help out with things, but really only if it's convenient for me. It will probably be the same for you, you'll notice how much you are used because of your availability, but it will bother you less if you match that same energy and say no more often.

AzureAnt · 20/07/2024 18:19

AzureAnt · 20/07/2024 18:09

Not just unreasonable. I would be fucking fucking furious. How dare she leave you out after all you have done for her !!
She would be getting bugger all out of me ever again and I would tell her so!!

I don't think they knew about the non-invite?

Piglet89 · 20/07/2024 18:19

A heavy user of social media, you say - the Christening will be a “socials” opportunity, rather than a meaningful engagement with Christianity. Ironic that, in preparing for a sacrament welcoming a new member into the Christian faith, she’s displayed entirely unchristian values.

Original poster

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:18

Ginlfixit · 20/07/2024 18:16

Any particular reason why the only childless one in the group arranged the baby shower all alone?

She asked me to and being childless my hands were less full. I didn’t mind at all as quite enjoy organising things like this,

OP posts:

Original poster

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:16

MrsSunshine2b · 20/07/2024 18:10

Aside from the established fact that it's horrible of her not to invite you, why do people think it's acceptable to discuss events that people aren't invited to in front of them? Rude af.

It came up because she was wanting to clarify the ages of our friends kids for the after party kids entertainer….she was wondering if it might be a bit babyish for a few of the older ones. Not sure she would’ve said anything otherwise.

OP posts:

Illbethereforyouuu · 20/07/2024 18:16

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:14

Yes I am certain I am not invited - this was made very clear. They are trying to keep numbers down and so it is only family and then friends with kids who are invited.

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You are not confirming at any point if the words "you are not invited" were used. Just because they said family and friends with babies she might have been totally assuming you knew you were invited, and beyond that it was family and friends with babies. Did she say those words "you are not invited"??

MumChp · 20/07/2024 18:16

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:14

Yes I am certain I am not invited - this was made very clear. They are trying to keep numbers down and so it is only family and then friends with kids who are invited.

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I would tell her how disappointed I was not being invited - and move on.
She is not a friend. Friends don't treat each other like this.

Ginlfixit · 20/07/2024 18:16

Any particular reason why the only childless one in the group arranged the baby shower all alone?

EmpressOfTheThread · 20/07/2024 18:15

What a horrible reason "trying to keep numbers down". She may as well just have said "you haven't made the cut, you're not high enough on my list". Awful.

Thursdaygirl · 20/07/2024 18:15

I’m not sure why friends with children are elevated over child-free friends?? Seems odd.

Original poster

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:14

sentfrmmyiphone · 20/07/2024 18:09

@Blackberryandcherry are you able to confirm if you have actually had a discussion with your friend and that they have actually confirmed that you are not invited to this christening?

has an actual conversation taken place between the 2 of you with her saying you are not invited?

Yes I am certain I am not invited - this was made very clear. They are trying to keep numbers down and so it is only family and then friends with kids who are invited.

OP posts:

twoparrots · 20/07/2024 18:14

Sounds like if this is her way of reasoning she won’t invite you to future things then as you don’t have a child.

dbeuowlxb173939 · 20/07/2024 18:13

Yes I would be hurt tbh. I was going to say maybe she's limiting it to family only but if she's inviting lots of friends and children too then not inviting you is unfair.
Maybe she thinks it won't be your cup of tea? Are they religious and you're not?

Are you definitely not invited though? Have invites gone out? Is she maybe assuming you know you're invited?

EmpressOfTheThread · 20/07/2024 18:11

MrsSunshine2b · 20/07/2024 18:10

Aside from the established fact that it's horrible of her not to invite you, why do people think it's acceptable to discuss events that people aren't invited to in front of them? Rude af.

I know! I can't believe that level of rudeness.

Notaflippinclue · 20/07/2024 18:10

One for the bin