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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to christening

263 replies

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 16:58

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

OP posts:
Illbethereforyouuu · 20/07/2024 18:34

She didn't say you're not invited, so I'd wait and see if it's an assumption she made that you knew you were invited before you jump the gun. Wait and see if you get an invite.

PlanningTowns · 20/07/2024 18:34

I’ve ended a friendship for less than this. Honestly this is one of those situations where honesty and openness is required. I don’t get these people who behave like this.

”friend, after all I have done for you with a baby shower, taking annual leave to be with you when struggling and (insert whatever else), I am extremely hurt but the fact that you don’t see me as important enough to attend babies christening, even though I have been there for you since they were born. I appreciate that I do not have a child which makes this even more hurtful because you are telling me I am worth less to you than others. You have made it clear what you think of me and that sadly means I will reevaluate our friendship.”

mondaytosunday · 20/07/2024 18:33

Yea that's crap.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/07/2024 18:33

Why didn’t you say something when she listed off all the friends?

QuarterYellow · 20/07/2024 18:32

That is really unkind. She’s shown she sees you as a source of support but doesn’t care for you, I am so sorry.

Createausername1970 · 20/07/2024 18:32

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

Show quote history

You do not need to be embarrassed by your absence. SHE is the one who should be embarrassed and ashamed.

I have a mean streak - I would let it play out and hold my head up high. But fuck doing any more for her.

twoparrots · 20/07/2024 18:30

EmpressOfTheThread · 20/07/2024 18:28

"there will probably be some cake or something left over"
God, how rude! Don't come to the party but I might give you some leftovers! Bloody hell. 😲

Yeah you’d definitely jump at the chance, wouldn’t you. 😂 Please Sir, can I have some more Sir

Hellodarknessmyfriend · 20/07/2024 18:30

@Moonlitwalk She's probably not a Christian in the first place.

DinnaeFashYersel · 20/07/2024 18:30

You don't need a 'friend' like this

MinistryofMom · 20/07/2024 18:30

Shitty, totally self absorbed behaviour by your friend. I'm sorry that happened.

My youngest's godmother is childless (wanted kids, just never met the right man) and she is by far the most attentive and caring of all my friends when it comes to my kids. She considers my eldest as her godchild too and treats him just the same. I hope I repay her with support etc but I treasure her friendship & my kids love their 'Auntie'.

I think your friend has potentially done her child a disservice and has tainted up a good friendship over 'numbers'.

When people ask why you weren't there, be truthful - it reflects badly on her not you.

Merryoldgoat · 20/07/2024 18:29

I have essentially ended all friendships which are like this.

Friendship’s are two-way. I’m happy to give but if I’m not considered then it’s not a friendship I’m interested in.

I would also tell her in no uncertain terms what I thought about her behaviour and move on.

SeatonCarew · 20/07/2024 18:29

ThisGoldSeal · 20/07/2024 18:27

Ok but why not invite your friend who actually has your back?

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Whoosh.

SquishyGloopyBum · 20/07/2024 18:29

I think I'd text her and say something along the lines of "I was really surprised and taken aback that out of our friendship group, I'm the only one not to be invited to the christening for being childfree. It's never been an issue between us before and I feel I've got a lovely and close relationship with you and baby x. I didn't say anything at the time but now I've reflected on it, while I know you want to keep numbers down, to be excluded in this way for a milestone event I find quite upsetting."

HoppityBun · 20/07/2024 18:29

ThisGoldSeal · 20/07/2024 18:27

Ok but why not invite your friend who actually has your back?

Show quote history

No idea. It’s not me that’s not inviting her.

EmpressOfTheThread · 20/07/2024 18:28

"there will probably be some cake or something left over"
God, how rude! Don't come to the party but I might give you some leftovers! Bloody hell. 😲

daliesque · 20/07/2024 18:28

To be honest it's probably better than being asked to be a god mother on the principle that as I was childfree and in a well paid job I would be able to buy the children expensive presents and leave them something in. My will.
Strangely the friendship didn't last.

Moonlitwalk · 20/07/2024 18:28

Hellodarknessmyfriend · 20/07/2024 18:25

@Piglet89 To be honest though, how many Christenings these days are anything to do with Christianity?!!

Maybe not but surely you can see the irony here?

Original poster
Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 18:28

Thursdaygirl · 20/07/2024 18:21

You are not confirming at any point if the words "you are not invited" were used. Just because they said family and friends with babies she might have been totally assuming you knew you were invited, and beyond that it was family and friends with babies. Did she say those words "you are not invited"??

This. And if so, did she actually go on to say it’s because you don’t have children?

She didn’t say ‘you are not invited’ but she said it was a small gathering with only family which left capacity for another 15 of the babies ‘friends’ and proceeded to list the 8 adults and 7 kids to make up that number.

I am 100% certain I am not invited. She was very clear on only wanting family plus her babies friends.

OP posts:
MumChp · 20/07/2024 18:27

Hellodarknessmyfriend · 20/07/2024 18:25

@Piglet89 To be honest though, how many Christenings these days are anything to do with Christianity?!!

But is that an issue? The issue is not to be invited?

ThisGoldSeal · 20/07/2024 18:27

Thursdaygirl · 20/07/2024 18:26

I do know some women who get a bit weird, and assume that “married” is a higher status than “single”, then “with child” takes you one step further. There’s no logic to it, but I experienced it in my 20s.

Yeah it's true. People back away as soon as shit hits the fan

ThisGoldSeal · 20/07/2024 18:27

HoppityBun · 20/07/2024 18:26

Thank you for organising the baby shower and putting in all that hard work, for me, I really appreciate what you did for me as my friend. I’m so happy that everyone who has children contributed. As you don’t have children I’m sure you’ll understand that I don’t want you to come to the christening but everyone who has children can tell you about it afterwards and there’ll probably be some cake or something leftover that you can have. I’ll make sure to show you some photographs of me with my child and everyone else with their children, too.

Show quote history

Ok but why not invite your friend who actually has your back?

Thursdaygirl · 20/07/2024 18:26

I do know some women who get a bit weird, and assume that “married” is a higher status than “single”, then “with child” takes you one step further. There’s no logic to it, but I experienced it in my 20s.

HoppityBun · 20/07/2024 18:26

semideponent · 20/07/2024 18:02

If you had to put yourself in your friend's shoes and explain to someone sympathetic why you aren't invited, what would you come up with?

Thank you for organising the baby shower and putting in all that hard work, for me, I really appreciate what you did for me as my friend. I’m so happy that everyone who has children contributed. As you don’t have children I’m sure you’ll understand that I don’t want you to come to the christening but everyone who has children can tell you about it afterwards and there’ll probably be some cake or something leftover that you can have. I’ll make sure to show you some photographs of me with my child and everyone else with their children, too.

stichguru · 20/07/2024 18:26

How often do you now meet up all together with the friendship group and the babies? Is it possible she thinks all the people you know will be focused on the babies, all the family you won't know and she'll be running round in the middle? Like she maybe thinks giving the option to play with babies or talk to strangers who all know each other, isn't much fun!

Hellodarknessmyfriend · 20/07/2024 18:25

@Piglet89 To be honest though, how many Christenings these days are anything to do with Christianity?!!

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